soulmates...

[oldplasticbag]

Just need a bit of …. support, encouragement, sympathy.

I am just turned fifty and six months ago bravely marched online to try and find a match.

I knew it would be hard. But this hard?

All the obvious: men my age, if they are gracious, may deign to date a woman their own age. But generally their top limit is five years younger.

In e mail conversations I’ve asked a few of them about this, and they explain their age range by saying that they look and feel much younger than they are.

But we ALL think we feel and look much younger than we are. That doesn't make us any younger.

I have been on one date. It was pleasant. He was attractive and interesting. He asked to see me again. And then… Nothing. Just quiet. Tumble weed.

Another one was meant to take me out this weekend. Initial contact, a few texts, an ‘I’ll get back to you tomorrow message’. Then nothing.

I have taken to randomly 'liking' on the website to see if anyone likes me back (no).

I even write messages. Not needy messages - as by this stage I don’t really give a f* - but more for the masochistic pleasure of seeing how rude people can be.

Two nice men wrote back and said thanks but no thanks.

The rest just ignore the messages.

The remainder of the time, apart from a few likes by 60 pluses, it’s as quiet as a sound proofed room.

No activity.

Nothing.

My middle aged currency makes me count for nothing.

I may not be the best looking woman in the world, and I certainly feel pretty grubby after six months of this, but I’m OK, and happy and healthy, with a good career and income.

What is it? What am I doing wrong?

How long can I keep up this resilience? In the not too distance future I’m going to start feeling sorry for myself.

I already feel like I’m propping up a crumbling inside.

I think it’s particularly hard as I haven’t had a boyfriend for a decade since splitting up with my ex-husband. It took courage to sign up online but it’s like waiting for months to get into a great party and then discovering that no one else has turned up. Or they’re all in the VIP section and you’re not invited.

Any advice/wisdom?

Ah sorry, Floppy, not my own dad... Shit My Dad Says

Ah. This is where Mumsnet could do with a facepalm emoticon. I'm a tad slow on the uptake at times.

I'm 40 now but when I tried online dating I was still in my 30s, I was only contacted by younger men who were very explicit in their intentions or by men in their 60s!
At the time I decided that my profile probably wasn't saying what I hoped it was saying but reading this thread it seems that men in their 60s think they are going to be the right age group for much younger women.
I just thought it was as distasteful as the messages from the younger guys.
Even now 50 would be around the cut off point for me.

OP, I gave up online dating and I'd suggest you do too before it dents your sense of self worth!

I'm a tad slow on the uptake at times

Why have you given Floppy a Dr?

She wasn't even commenting to you?

Do you even know what means?

Dr Morbius - ExH, is that you? If so, DFOD

Hopefully it means No comment: apologies if it means something more sinister.

You didn't even quote that before you used the though, you quoted something completely different.

And her post was reasonable after your own misogynistic ramblings, to be fair.

misogynistic ramblings

My point was that (I believe in general) men age better than women and as a result that has implications on dating expectations.

IYHO is that misogynistic?

It's deluded...

ToGoBoldly I am happy to accept it is deluded, because it is only my opinion. I do however take exception to being called misogynistic.

You clearly have not seen the photos of 50 plus men on dating sites. The women age MUCH better!

*My point was that (I believe in general) men age better than women and as a result that has implications on dating expectations.

IYHO is that misogynistic?*

not if it was accurate - if it was accurate it would just be an observation. But in my experience, as a 60+ it's just deluded. I was at a reunion recently, we're all now in our late 50's early 60's and were at Uni together 40 yrs ago. I recognised all of the women without a problem. A few extra pounds here and there for some of them. Many others, like me, the smae size we were in our 20's. The men OTOH - I had to ask who some of them were! the tall skinny ginger one that I rather fancied back then was now fat, jowly and bald. Others looked 9 months pregnant (yes, that's the men!). I thought it was quite interesting that the women, on the whole, had worn a lot better.

There were exceptions on each side (one that I let get away all those years ago is now a very striking silver fox!) - but to me it was a definite difference. The women had aged better in that group.

probably just shows you can't generalise

and who in their right minds chooses a life partner on their looks? that's just daft.

Oddly enough my first wife's sisters hubby left her for a woman who was 8 years older. He was 46 and she was 54!.

However shes just chucked him out as he no longer wants to work and has become what thy call a cocklodger I believe!

Practical advice for OP?

Sure, sign up to a few reputable sites [not necessarily dating websites] but don't pin your hopes on this.

It sounds clichéd but...love and companionship will come to find you especially when you're not looking.

It's true.