soulmates...

[oldplasticbag]

Just need a bit of …. support, encouragement, sympathy.

I am just turned fifty and six months ago bravely marched online to try and find a match.

I knew it would be hard. But this hard?

All the obvious: men my age, if they are gracious, may deign to date a woman their own age. But generally their top limit is five years younger.

In e mail conversations I’ve asked a few of them about this, and they explain their age range by saying that they look and feel much younger than they are.

But we ALL think we feel and look much younger than we are. That doesn't make us any younger.

I have been on one date. It was pleasant. He was attractive and interesting. He asked to see me again. And then… Nothing. Just quiet. Tumble weed.

Another one was meant to take me out this weekend. Initial contact, a few texts, an ‘I’ll get back to you tomorrow message’. Then nothing.

I have taken to randomly 'liking' on the website to see if anyone likes me back (no).

I even write messages. Not needy messages - as by this stage I don’t really give a f* - but more for the masochistic pleasure of seeing how rude people can be.

Two nice men wrote back and said thanks but no thanks.

The rest just ignore the messages.

The remainder of the time, apart from a few likes by 60 pluses, it’s as quiet as a sound proofed room.

No activity.

Nothing.

My middle aged currency makes me count for nothing.

I may not be the best looking woman in the world, and I certainly feel pretty grubby after six months of this, but I’m OK, and happy and healthy, with a good career and income.

What is it? What am I doing wrong?

How long can I keep up this resilience? In the not too distance future I’m going to start feeling sorry for myself.

I already feel like I’m propping up a crumbling inside.

I think it’s particularly hard as I haven’t had a boyfriend for a decade since splitting up with my ex-husband. It took courage to sign up online but it’s like waiting for months to get into a great party and then discovering that no one else has turned up. Or they’re all in the VIP section and you’re not invited.

Any advice/wisdom?

Well there are a lot of women on these boards lamenting the non availability of men of their age range. This it seems is a much deeper problem that it appears. It isn't just older men after younger women its more a numbers of available men seemingly over a much wider age range. I saw an article that attempts to explain this problem and why its happening. It seems to be that dating and or pair bonding mate selection etc has been taking place in recent times. The researchers involved stated that the Internet was the reason for the shifts of an activity that's been unchanged since the transition to an agricultural based economy around a 1000 odd years ago!. Bizarre but they did show the path.

Very sorry if I caused offence or upset anyone i was rather tactless:(

Can anyone help a blundering old duffer by telling him how the hell you can drag the embarrassed smiley up here?, this it the third time I've written this out and it crashed each time!: thanks:)

So when you say that it's other posters being over sensitive that makes you come across badly online, what you were actually referring to is a smaller proportion of older men being single

Justaboy, I've had relationships with men up to 30 years older and I still find you creepy. Something about the way you seek out all these sorts of threads to mansplain to us about why it's your divine right to have a hot young thing and the icky username and how you never miss an opportunity to tell us you had a much younger wife and the divorce had nothing to do with that. Please don't try to imply you're some sort of twinkly eyed, man of the world Harrison Ford type. You're a 64 year old man on Mumsnet.

ShebaShimmyShake OK let me see if I can disabuse you of some notions perhaps if that's not to mansplain?, new one on me that had to look that up;!.

First. I perhaps had overacted a bit to a statement with another poster on another thread who said that its almost impossible, very icky, none of her friends would ever have a relationship with someone that much older than them etc and I suppose that was a reaction to that. It happens, it's not that commonplace and you too have been involved with someone with a much larger age gap then I ever had. I do appreciate that it can come across all wrong and it can be taken out of perhaps the context it was meant to be in. I shall not mention it again its done with, end of.

Second. Please be assured that I have NO right to a divine hot thing of umptyone years younger than myself!.

Third. I am not some twinkly eyed Harrison Ford I'm much more 'ansome than him;! I wish;)

And * I didn't start to seek out these threads but i have been gobsmacked if that is the modern term, by the number of women who despite their rather young ages seem to find it impossible to find and form a relationship with a man and have resigned themselves to a single life and some are very saddened by that. It seems to me to be such a waste and just so very sad that this happens. I have been very curious for as to why this happens and I don't think the answer if quite that simple. An i don't quite know why it is and it seems one of those things that hasn't got a single cause it is more of a shift in behavioural patterns several small factors adding to make a bigger whole. There was a poster on another thread who had been single since she was 27!, i ask you that's no age at all and there is something seriously amiss if that's happening..

Anyway If you will excuse me I have to go and help out at a local charity this afternoon and I'm running late.

nb: if you'd like me to change that username then I'm OK with that but i don't think it'll change the contents, change the cover of the book but its perceived faults remain the same;!

You're making it worse.

Someone has already mentioned out of the game, well dating is indeed a game.. Posters need to go read about GAME, everyone has a market value of how attractive they are, that value depends on many factors..
It's funny how these threads keep popping up, women seem absolutely clueless as to why they can't snag the type of man they want..

Mrs Bough is 7 yrs younger, no kids, no serious exe's, stable career, a diamond amongst the dross.. Perfect..

Never mind changing your username, can you not change forums? How many posters do you need to tell you you're creepy before you get the hint and stop posting?

You're all over this board with your little witticisms, giving your sympathy and advice like some icky agony uncle. You're out of touch, misinformed and off putting to say the least. I'm genuinely wondering what led you to Mumsnet in the first place. Because you're certainly not here in a parenting capacity.

The fact that you've been sending people pms, unsolicited, and you seem to think you have this 'male perspective' that we want or need is ego centric on your part.

You're putting me off posting here and that's not right.

How strange, Frank. You've previously posted about your two kids but now you have none?

And you recently called single mothers 'rancid'. Don't think your opinion counts for much where women ae concerned.

I think you're confusing me with someone else, I have never sent anyone unsolicited PM's.. And yes me and my wife do now have children..

Oh and I've never changed my username...

My first post wasn't to you, clearly, it was to Justaboy.

Why is your only post on this thread referring to 'clueless women'? You really don't like women much, do you, Frank?

Mr Chris is 7 years younger, excellent career, handsome, kind...

I was a rancid single parent when we met. Luckily, I'm a total fox.

I'm happy with dh, I was happy single too.

I would not date or get involved with someone who treated dating as a game. It's not a game. It's a combination of factors and compatibility. To find out if you are compatible with anyone you need to maximise the number of people you meet.

Loved your analysis pocket.

I'm not sure why I've been sucked in to posting. Yes I do believe many men are deluded into thinking that much younger women are interested. I've seen many men read basic politeness as an invitation. It's happened to me. I've felt sorry for the men, and thought they were a bit sad really.

I dated an older man briefly. I found that whilst I understood his cultural references, he had no knowledge or interest in mine. I also couldn't help but think about life events (retirement, ill health, death) and how chances were I would end up dealing with someone elderly and frail whilst I was still in my prime. I ended it, and really regretted ever getting involved. It was a waste of my time.

He finally wised up and is now happily married to someone the same age as him.

And if I was 60 and had many millions, I would hate to think that a much younger man wanted me for my cash. What kind of value would I be placing upon myself to get with someone who had no interest in me, and tolerated my existence for the sake of their lifestyle.

Why am I still posting??

Rugby!

Good luck op, there are good men out there. Look at it like this, those men who are demanding much younger women, are showing you at the off that they're idiots, and weeding themselves out so you don't waste any time on them.

Spread that net wider. Join more sites. I hope it works out for you

LilacSpunkMonkey Please can we get this straight?.

I am not some icky creepy patronising agony uncle. I just stumbled on a problem that is causing quite some upset amongst some posters. I did reply to one who gave their opinion of what are May December marriages and i gave my opinion back of that. This I think was fair comment.

I did realise that by doing so it might have upset some of those posters and I did apologise for that it did show perhaps what might be described as a lack of empathy?.

I was told by a lady, and i believe that now considered patronizing so a woman if that's more PC, that you might be interested in that forum to do with the interactions of people In heterosexual relationships.

I am a parent I have three daughters. One of whom I had to raise as a single parent for around 3 years so I believe i have as much right to post as anyone. Some posters aren't even parents.

I did indeed send someone a PM is there a condition in the board usage to ask if you have to seek permission to do that. If so can you please tell me where it is?. it was done with the intent of assisting them with a point they raised. They replied and I replied further a couple of times. This resulted in an offensive tirade directed at me in public. If someone sent me a PM and i didn't like the comments in that then I would have replied in private please desist etc and there is a block facility. Those PM 's are private but i can assure they were not offensive in any way or contained abusive or rude language.

If i am putting you off posting here then that's your prerogative to decide to post or not as it is mine.

And finally for the avoidance of doubt I am not actively seeking some bimbo or trophy wife or a bit of arm candy whatever you might wish to describe that person as.

thanks

Now i wonder if we on the thread can come up with any practical and positive suggestions for the benefit of the orignal poster?.

Frank's a transparent troll who's hugely threatened by internet forums dominated by women. Justaboy is just creepy.

some bimbo or trophy wife or a bit of arm candy whatever you might wish to describe that person as.

I don't think any of us would want to refer to another person by any of those terms

RedMapleLeaf How would you have put it please?.

ShebaShimmyShake What makes you feel uneasy then can you say?.

Put what?

Well I'm getting very careful on how you have to put things hereon without offending anyone.

I wanted to state that a much younger woman does not interest me now.
I could have said 40 year old, a 40 something that would be considered waay to young perhaps Y/N?.

I have seen the terms trophy wife, arm candy and bimbo on other postings over time all of those seem to me to be derogatory and i think offensive. But they are used.

But I also saw a reference to a Lady on here the other day that was seemingly patronizing. What word or words would you have used that is a genuine question please?.

I remain yours confused;)

Justaboy, your posts are getting worse and worse. Why would you think a term was offensive when used by someone else, and then choose to use it yourself? That makes no sense at all.

If I deem a term offensive, I avoid using it, unless I am trying to offend.

Justaboy, it's been explained why you're creepy on numerous occasions. It's obvious why you're on here taking every chance there is to tell us why we should be dating men 20 years older and it's not fooling anyone. Like I said, I've dated men older than that and I'm still put off by your endless 'come now ladies' mansplaining and reminders of your younger ex wife (mail order, if I recall correctly). The older men I was with didn't do this sort of thing. They were classy, not verbose or pompous and they let their experience just speak for itself.

Please just stop already.

ShebaShimmyShake

I am not telling ANYONE who they should or should not date and what age they should be. What i did say was that if all else is OK does it matter if they are a bit out of the age range that your happy with. I think that's a perfectly OK question don't you?. That as I'm sure you know was on another thread.

Please get your facts straight. I have not said anywhere that my younger wife was "mail order" that's a bit offensive don't you think?. Please show me where that was posted please?.

I also said that I was not going to refer to it, that marriage, again did you not see that?.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse I did say it was offensive but i have seen it here on previous occasions. I did ask you how you would have worded it but you haven't. It does seem to be dammed if you do and dammed if you don't!.

God I give up.

Justaboy, I've seen some pretty nasty terminology used by strangers before, I do not choose to emulate it. I described just what you are suggesting in a previous post without using any hateful language. It's really not that complicated, so I can only assume you are being deliberately obtuse.

I'm not going to waste my time engaging with a goady fucker anymore. I'm with you, Sheba.