has anyone got any advice about living without love?

[patriciapractical]

NC as I'm ashamed. I don't know how to live without love. I don't have a partner. I have been on my own for a long time. Can anyone tell me what to do? I just can't handle it any more. I am looking for some advice in addition to: have you tried online dating, joined a hobby group, made sure you keep in contact with friends, volunteer, exercise, help others, try something new. I know all those things. They are great and help get through the day but doing those things does not make up for a loveless life. Has anyone come to terms with this condition and can tell me something useful? I just don't know what to do anymore. I had some therapy this year and specifically raised the subject of loneliness with the therapist. In fact that was my "presenting" issue. This is killing me. Maybe someone here at least found peace with it and can tell me how to do the same.

The world does not owe any of us children or romantic partners, nor are they the be-all and end-all of human relationships, or the ultimate measures of success. There is so much else to get on with in life, even if it wasn't our ideal first choice.

Hanging on to bitterness, though, IS failure.

I agree with RiceCrispie, those who have a happy romantic relationship are lucky, and we may covet that like being well off. Doesn't mean we are entitled to either.

I've also been single for 7+ years. It's hard sometimes, in the ways you have mentioned. I find things that I can give love to eg, a pet, gardening (or creating anything) and making sure I have enough interests outside of work and home, helps. I go to the cinema, exhibitions etc by myself and enjoy it.

I also read a lot about gratitude, letting go/acceptance and being free from desire. I'm hardly ever lonely.

At no point did I say I feel entitled to a successful romantic relationship. I agree that it is entirely possible to be happy without one. That does not work for everyone. Not everyone is the same.

Broken - 37 is not too old for anything.

I agree that marriages/relationships can be loveless and in that situation, extremely lonely as there is an expectation that your partner should love you! I've been there.

I think I've always been alone. I had one long-term relationship but it was a disaster and actually I felt more lonely then than at any point before or since.
I'm mid 40s, no children. I don't think I have an answer. Particularly pernicious childhood bullying left me convinced I was unloveable anyway.
My horse and my cats think I'm amazing so I say chin chin and here's to being a dotty old spinster.

I think it's a bad idea to rely on others for happiness, the trick is to be your own best friend, then anyone that comes in to your life is a compliment and a bonus. These are the lessons we must try and learn, there isn't a set way to go about this unfortunately.

pinkrosa

I feel like I could actually die from it as well. I can physically feel it. Sadly, there's no real answer it would appear. Just keep on keeping on.

Patricia et al I understand exactly what you are saying /feeling / living. No solutions, but I stand with you guys.

Pat P it seems to me, wants a good man but finding a good un they seem to be rarer than rocking horse poo.

I'm 64 and single and have DD3 living with me but i can run OK by myself but there are times when you need someone to talk to. I do have a few friends but not that special someone. I don't know quite if romantic lurve exists anymore at this age perhaps all those brain chemicals aren't floating around as they were but its not an unreasonable expectation.

It also seems to me that finding them is the hardest part, on-line dating seems very hit and miss and other groups might not throw you the one you need.

Has anyone had any decent or otherwise experiences with dating agencies?. I ask because my very first girlfriend had two disasters of marriages one she was a virtual punch-bag the other she was cheated on all the time by that smarmy git! however quite sometime ago she did meet Mr right and they have been thru think and thin and sadly now he's very ill and might not live that much longer.

Are we perhaps too fussy and need to realise that other we might seek and find won't set our hearts on fire like perhaps we use dot experience when younger but It seems that all here are 50+ an probably know the Mr Perfect isnt around al lthat often.

pinkrosa Here's a very big hug (((pinkrosa))) especially for you:)

Patricia, My Mum used to say that 'Keep on keeping on', it's right too. The answers within you, you'll get there. Best wishes.

Justaboy the worst mistake of my life was to stop being fussy. I ended up making sacrifices for a man I should never have been with.
Instead, I'd rather acknowledge that my happiness comes from something other than romantic love. It can be my horse's whinny; a sycamore as its leaves are turning; a beautiful dawn or snuggling into bed on a wet morning with coffee, toast, and a purring cat.
Filter coffee though. I'm fussy about that too.

Gabilan Its becoming clear that I think I can be too general sometimes .
I didn't quite mean fussy but more of that perhaps feeling you get when younger if that makes sense. Course a lady who's been there got a wrong 'un should recognise a decent one perhaps.

Go with the sycamore and beautiful dawning:)

Not so keen on the gee gee's!.

I can count on one hand the number of relationships I aspire to. The rest absolutely not. There's nothing wrong with singledom. It doesn't mean you are unloved. Depending of course on how you define love and your own value

The horse is easy, Justaboy. So far this evening the cats have brought in live mouse, puked on the carpet ( possibly the mouse seeking revenge, I don't think it lived long), tried to eat my jumper, tried to catch my zip and now sound as if they're dismantling a table. Furry bastards

There's a lady i know shes around the late 70 mark who still rides.
She lives alone and I have call by and check something where she lives, and she keeps three horses and to see her galloping across the fields she has its fantastic to see her enjoying herself so much:)

Our poor old puss has just had the best vet treatment money can buy he shouldn't pick on younger cats, best part of 200 quid!.

I've experienced loneliness in my marriage but now I'm single and hardly ever do , no question feeling lonely when you aren't meant to is far worse for me it was almost humiliating too

Luckily I'm ok,with my own company doing stuff like cinema, walking etc on my own and I'm not shy about making tons of arrangements with friends so that it's never too long before someone is on the horizon. Very occasionally I think if I didn't pick up the phone to arrange meet ups I would never see a soul because most of my friends are very happy to meet up but never initiate it themselves !

In a couple of years or so my DC will have left and I think that will change how I feel but actually I suspect my mind will turn to travel/ change of some sort not a man

i'm terminally single and just about to go into my second decade of solo living.
i'm the same as all the other singlies on here. everything has been tried and tried time and time again to try and meet a man and nothing has worked.
it's a desert out there. there's just no decent men to be found anywhere and that includes abroad.
following a couple of years of being upset about being single and being told off for that, i got over the fact that i'm to be alone for good, after a few years of denial.
i don't really know what flicked the switch in my mind. i just came to terms with single life really.
i've also stopped going out socially to try and meet people and that has saved a fortune, which has helped my financially.
i also find that being on the pill helps enormously.

Muckogy Would you tell us how old are you if you don't mind or an indication?. I know a gent shouldn't ask a ladies age but his is for trying to the understand the problem.

i'm 42.
with age has come acceptance.

I know loads of great single women in their 40s and 50s who are single. Smart, funny, successful women. I don't get it. It is unfair.