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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just don't get it ...

115 replies

Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 16:00

Im writing about a male friend of mine. Well I say friend ive known him for 4 years and ive slept with him twice.
I admit that I do like him and he likes me but he isn't single. In fact he has had relationship after relationship, often overlapping ones that often only last 6 months to 2 years max. To give some back ground info he's early 50s with secondary school age children. Im early 30s with one child. Ive often thought he might have something wrong with him he can ignore messages for days on end and then message back , often out of the blue as if nothing's happened. It doesn't end there though. He's told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me as he only dates women who are over say size 14 and are below attractiveness in looks. Ive seen a couple of his exes and they are all a Miranda hart type, but smaller in height. He is good looking and I am above average looks wise and size 8. please bear with me on this this is not a wind up I promise, I wish it were ....He also only dates those that have older grown up sons and work in a certain job role. I mean there is no deviation from this mould. I only slept with him as I had no idea he wasn't single, but im confused as hell as to why he did as im not what he's looking for obviously !! Ive thought maybe he has a mental health issue or something but I suppose deep down im just wondering what is it I can't give him .. Im single after a lt relationship that failed a while ago, ive only been in one relationship so people like this confuse hell out of me !
Ok well any input much appreciated x

OP posts:
BeyondYourPeripheralVision · 18/09/2015 16:06

Ok, so I'm more your Miranda hart type and I've had more than one man tell me they're happy to fuck me but wouldn't go out with me because they only date slim women.

Now, can you imagine what the entire world's response is to that? Stop flogging that dead horse. X

QuiteLikely5 · 18/09/2015 16:07

He wants nothing to do with you and is trying to put you off in any way he can. Personally speaking he sounds slightly deranged. Move on.

antimatter · 18/09/2015 16:10

Why do you give him any time in your life?

Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 16:10

Ah I see what you mean . Ok im sorry you had that experience but it says to me he views women as not individual people, they are almost disposable as he's on from one straight to the next with out an actual care in the world. I havent had much luck from dating despite being attractive and looking 10 years younger than I am .

OP posts:
Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 16:11

That was answering beyond.

OP posts:
OneBreathAfterAnother · 18/09/2015 16:13

He doesn't like you. He doesn't even bother to message you back until it suits him.

He's just keeping you sweet so that when he needs someone to fall in love with, you are there. There will be others like you, too. And he'll have told you all the same stories, so you'll all be feeling the same, and eventually when you get fed up and question him, he'll tell you that he was completely upfront about seeing women as disposable and he didn't ever lead you on because he wasn't even messaging you back properly.

You have feelings for him, so cutting him off will hurt, but you have to do it. Stop psychoanalyzing him in the hope of being able to fix him and just delete his number, he is using you and you are letting him. He's not even putting any effort into it.

Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 16:26

Is his behaviour sociopathy?

OP posts:
SlowlyGoingINSAINIA · 18/09/2015 16:30

Is his behaviour sociopathy?

No. He is just a dickhead.

Kewcumber · 18/09/2015 16:32

who cares - he doesn;t want to date you. Thats really the only bit of information thats relevant here.

Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 16:36

I guess the whole thing is making me think that other men will think the way he has, it's very difficult for me to have sexual feelings for someone most of the time it just doesn't happen.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 18/09/2015 16:44

Well yes some of them will obviously.

Others not.

Mostly men are attracted to women (if they're straight) I'm not sure you can generalise more than that.

Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 16:59

Oh well ! He wets the bath anyway, ive not lost owt ??

OP posts:
ToGoBoldly · 18/09/2015 17:05

"He wets the bath anyway"

What?! GrinGrin

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 18/09/2015 17:06

You're trying to make this into a Thing and it isn't. He's just not interested in you in that way.

As someone else said, he's using tou and you're letting him.

And why the constant reference to size and looks? Are you a little indignant that he doesn't wnt you? Or just surprised? Because this really isn't a new story.

He's just not that into you. Who cares why he does what he does?

Cabrinha · 18/09/2015 17:07

How is it a mental health issue? Hmm

He women. End of. "Overlapping" - so he's a cheat then?

Why do you want him? Confused

Cabrinha · 18/09/2015 17:08

uses women.

ImperialBlether · 18/09/2015 17:09

You shouldn't give this man space in your head and you shouldn't let him near your body. He's completely nuts AND HE'S MARRIED.

BoskyCat · 18/09/2015 17:15

Married, only dates a very narrow type which you're not, strings you along with texts, history of cheating and not maintaining relationships, used you for sex...

All this and he "wets the bath" too!? Confused

I think he's not into you, and that's a GOOD thing. Stop thinking about him now!

loveyoutothemoon · 18/09/2015 17:17

I think this is a wind up to start an argument! I mean, "I'm above average looking" and "I look 10 years younger" What a big head!

Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 17:18

He isn't married he's divorced but it doesn't matter. Yes he wets the bath you read that correctly ....

OP posts:
BoskyCat · 18/09/2015 17:19

But what does that mean? Surely bath only work when they get wet?

Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 17:22

It's not a wind up. Im not being derogatory about the looks of his exes im just giving the facts.

OP posts:
Kimberley00001 · 18/09/2015 17:22

He wees in the bath boskycat

OP posts:
BoskyCat · 18/09/2015 17:24

How do you know, did he tell you (gross) or was it really yellow (gross)?

It's not looking good is it.

Misnomer · 18/09/2015 17:25

That's what I was thinking, boskycat! Surely only rodents and birds take dry baths?