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Original poster

Poll - how often do you have sex?

116 replies

showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 21:00

And who wants it more, you or your partner?
And how long have you been together?

Feel free to expand on this - I'm interested in this topic as for the first time in my life as I want it more often than my partner - which is, slightly worrying so just wondering what the ratio is out there!

OP posts:
Misty9 · 14/09/2015 14:52

Been together 7 years, married for nearly 5 and have two young dc. At the moment it's every 3-4 months, if we make the effort, but it has been over a year when pregnant/newborn stage etc. we must be bloody fertile is all I can say!

show we had similar issues quite early on in our relationship and ended up getting some counselling from Relate. At that point, it was dh with a much lower libido than mine and he constant rejection was horrible :( it's definitely affected me long term and we are still repairing the damage I think. Now, it's me who can take it or leave it and dh who'd like it more! Everything else is solid though, and he's an amazing dad. I think frank discussion about how you feel is necessary, but it does add pressure. Does he masturbate? My dh doesn't so I found it easier to believe it was low libido (and not that he didn't fancy me). Good luck.

LiDLrichardsPistachioSack · 14/09/2015 15:05

Once a week over here. Been together 5 years. We'd both prefer more but you know, toddler and all that.

TiredofPeople your post is sad to read..have you looked into why sex is so painful for you? Not only does that not sound right, but your H pressuring/emotionally blackmailing you into sex sounds horrific. Sad

isthismylifenow · 14/09/2015 15:08

redjelly that's is how I feel too. But if you aren't loved and are taken for granted, I am still sure even sex every now and then isn't going to right those things....

Thank you, I have read the link. Makes perfect sense!

TheLastCarnival · 14/09/2015 15:29

Married 20 years, been together 28.

Over three years since we last had anything even approaching sex. I can count the number of times since we had youngest, now 13, on one hand with fingers to spare and probably wouldn't need both hands to count the number of times in our entire marriage. We have three kids, he wouldn't touch me when I was pregnant or breastfeeding. Actually since he put that ring on my finger he seemed to think he didn't need to bother with me in any way whatsoever. Even sadder sex was always a one way street for him, no participation from me required! I am trying desperately to muster the courage to leave. Not sure that I ever want to be with another man, really don't see the appeal or the fuss everyone makes about sex, and I'm probably too old now to start again anyway.

But that said I'm kind of jealous of those of you with loving relationships where you look after each other and care about each other's needs.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/09/2015 15:35

Once or twice a week. More when we are on holiday. I rarely initiate, except on holiday, but I do enjoy it.

Been together 26 years.

isthismylifenow · 14/09/2015 15:42

Gosh thelast I am so sorry.

I can hear how sad you are.

MrsFrankRicard · 14/09/2015 15:49

Normally once or twice a week, but having had DC2 earlier this year we haven't done it very often, had a pregnancy scare which put me off until we get a more permanent form of contraception in place (next week!). We have been together for 10 years. When we first got together it was at least once a day, I would say we are fairly evenly matched with our sex drive, it has probably decreased over the years at a similar rate Grin

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 14/09/2015 16:09

Wev been together 16 years in January. I'm 30 in a month. Have three kids who all coslept and breastfed to some degree and that's when we had the least. On average though a few times a week and if we have had a drink can be between 3-5times that night! He likes sex in the morning (well all the time actually)but I don't. Risk of kids coming in, don't relax as don't feel clean etc.

He has a higher sex drive. If he is in a phase of not going to the gym then he's a pest and would want it at least every day. But when he's going every week day he is happy with a few times a week.

When he pesters me for sex it puts me off and I'm not interested. I like to be the one initiating it.

Original poster
showsomeclass · 14/09/2015 17:01

A real mixed bag here and a surprising amount of ladies saying their chaps just aren't frequent enough. Sorry if it's raised some difficult emotions in some too

So, out of the ones who don't get it enough and have brought it up, how did you put it? Did it make any difference? Or did it make things worse by highlighting there's an issue?

Also welcome any tips from those who have successfully turned their men's heads Wink

OP posts:
Deetrix · 14/09/2015 18:33

I've always had the higher drive in all my relationships. Been with current OH 2.5 years, but don't live together just yet, so just have weekends. It's anything between 2-6 times on over the two days. We're well matched.

Savagebeauty · 14/09/2015 18:35

New partner, both mid fifties. See each other every six weeks and spend two days in bed.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/09/2015 19:03

Just got back together with my 6th form boyfriend from 16 years ago!! We have been together 2 months now and DTD around 6 times a week. Mind you, when we were at school, all we seemed to do was shag. Our record was 19 times in one day!! I'm surprised I passed my A Levels Grin

Terrifiedandregretful · 14/09/2015 19:46

Once every 3-6 months. I'd like more in theory but in reality it never feels quite right. We're best friends but sex feels wrong. We're too much like brother and sister. We're such a great relationship in all other ways though. No idea if it's sustainable. Together 12 years.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/09/2015 20:10

A few times a week. But in the one night/day we can do it up to 4 times, more if we're feeling very energetic. We both take our holidays at the sametime so we've very shag happy in those times. Grin.
We don't live together though but if we did. We'd be at it every night. But who knows.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/09/2015 20:14

Oh we've been together for 2 years. We dtd the night we met. I was actually intending for it to be a ons. But here we are.

Marlowmarlowmarlow · 14/09/2015 20:54

namechanged for this.
Been together 21yrs, young teens at home, we dtd on average 3 times a year I'd say. He'd like it more,

Everything else is great, we are best friends, physically affectionate, cuddly etc. DH wants it more than me. Because we do it so rarely it feels awkward to initiate. We are best friends but I would like some romance I think. That said my libido is very low, I never lust after strangers either. I might notice good looking people but never think would love to shag them.

It's a tricky issue in a way. I think I am not up for it as I feel crap about my body, but would like a sex life. What a load of contradictions I come out with!

Banquo54 · 14/09/2015 21:21

How often do I have sex? Maybe 5 times per week? How often with my wife? Not in the last 14 years and before that it had dwindled from a couple of times per week when we were first married, 40 years ago, to a couple of times per year. How often with anyone else? Never. You've probably guessed, I'm a wanker.

Am I happy with this? Hell, no. I always had a higher drive than my wife, but the sex was great in the early days, which makes makes it all the harder for me to understand why it deteriorated. Bringing up a family, and the other stresses and strains of a normal relationship didn't help, but despite trying to talk about it a few times, I never really got an answer, and I think that either she doesn't know why she lost interest, or she won't tell me.

moggiek · 14/09/2015 21:26

4 or 5 times a month. Been married 38 years.

whatisforteamum · 14/09/2015 21:32

once a week been together almost 29 yrs,We did go through a bad spell of only every couple of months.

BathshebaDarkstone · 14/09/2015 21:35

Once a month.

My partner.

5.5 years.

Justaboy · 14/09/2015 22:06

Banquo54 So sorry to hear your problems and I can tell you there are plenty of forums where there are men like you who have lost their intimate life with their partners. Seems most of the time for no real reason and some are quite young and not that long wed and sometimes even before children are on the scene. Yes of course childrearing can cause problems but it does seem to me that some women just loose their "drive" and there's no reason or cause it just seems to happen, and a lot of men wondering what went wrong. Did they not love her enough, did they not help her round the house were they not affectionate enough?, the thoughts are very long and sad.

However it does brighten my day to read that most all posters here are having a good time in the sack, always IMHO a good indicator that the relationships alive and well:-)

AliMonkey · 14/09/2015 22:25

If we are talking PIV then never - got pregnant (planned) the last three times and my youngest is now 8. Married 15 years, DH was virgin when we married and I wasn't far off that, and PIV was always painful for both of us until we discovered lube which made it doable but never good for me. Now have non PIV sex about twice a year. DH would like more but without any non sexual affection from him I'm not really interested. If he bucked up his ideas in the rest of our relationship then I expect there would be more sex.

Whitechocolatetoblerone · 14/09/2015 22:54

Those of you who are having sex 5 x a week or twice a day, everyday. Where do you get your sex drive from??!

DP & I have been together 2 years, we average about 2-3 x a week. I think we're both happy with that. He'd like it more but honestly, I just can't be arsed?

In order to be wanting/ having sex twice a day say, surely the sex must have to be absolutely earth shattering?! Do you not get bored?

I love my DP and I generally orgasm every single time we have sex or fool around but if I'm honest I'm bored Blush do those of you who have sex A LOT use lots of different toys/ positions?

Sorry for the intimate Qs but I just can't imagine ever having the urge to shag my partner every day or, worse, 5 x a day, but maybe our sex life is a little crap? Maybe we need to spice it up a bit?Blush

dontcallmehonreturns · 14/09/2015 23:09

I think it depends on your sex drive. I want it all the time so I'm never really bored!

Ilikefrogs · 15/09/2015 20:09

I'm the same as don'tcallmehon!
I want to have sex most of the time and the twice a day is sleepy waking up spoony sex in the mornings with the more fun stuff in the evenings. It's definitely not boring!
Having said that, when I was with my ex I had no sex drive at all!