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Original poster

Poll - how often do you have sex?

116 replies

showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 21:00

And who wants it more, you or your partner?
And how long have you been together?

Feel free to expand on this - I'm interested in this topic as for the first time in my life as I want it more often than my partner - which is, slightly worrying so just wondering what the ratio is out there!

OP posts:
Justaboy · 13/09/2015 22:41

Pardon me ladies for barging in but hey!, you do seem a rampant lot if you don't mind me being so bold.

Around once a month or less before we split married 20 years she being younger than me. Rarely like it wanted it over and done as quickly as possible. No warmth or love involved. No fun at all:(

wideboy26 · 13/09/2015 22:42

Been married 40 years. Never! We've both had major abdominal surgery over the past 5 years - twice each - so it was completely off the agenda for some time on each occasion and we've found that we can still maintain a very close physical relationship without it. Having got used to not having it in our lives has had beneficial spin-offs: DW no longer feels pestered and we can cuddle without there being any expectation of something more. I no longer suffer from raging horn! In theory, I would love to have a sex life still, but there are compensations to a complete lack of the sexual urge, believe me.

monkeyfacegrace · 13/09/2015 22:44

2-3 times a week.

Used to be that per day.

Dh now works 6 days a week, 12 hour days so all he wants to do is relax and sleep.

I, however, want it every minute of every day. It's always on my mind.

It's a huge issue in our relationship.

NewLife4Me · 13/09/2015 22:45

I don't think you can have a norm let alone a ratio, I agree with the Maslow theory above.

Atm at least 5 times per week, but it hasn't always been like this and has varied a great deal over the past 27 years we've been together.
We are having a second honeymoon stage atm.
We have also had droughts.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 13/09/2015 22:45

Once a week.
Been together nine
years.
He'd like it twice a week.
I'd happily have it once or twice a month.

ouryve · 13/09/2015 22:46

Justaboy - I was married to my ex for 10 years and we didn't have sex at all in the last 5. Not unusual for it to become perfunctory or non-existent in a dying relationship. Hard to be intimate with someone you don't feel close to, for many.

redredblue · 13/09/2015 22:47

Average twice a week, lasting about an hour each time.
We would all night every night if we could. I think I want it slightly more though.
18 months.

LuluJakey1 · 13/09/2015 22:47

Married 6 years, together 7, 9 month old DS, 4-5 times a week. Both about the same in terms of how often.

This last week DH has had a bad week at work- has been working 14 hour days and been knackered and we only managed it once but made up for it this weekend 4 x (SIL babysat DS at her house overnight) So it evens out one way or another.

We had lots of cuddles this week but he was too tired for sex.

It is important to both of us. It connects us at a really intimate level, it is just about us and nothing else. It make things right- bad days, times when other things have gone wrong, it says we love and desire each other. It's fun and shared pleasure. It makes us feel close and romantic. it's a shared pastime.

OnlyWantsOne · 13/09/2015 22:49

I've been using some duac that I had previously... it does help when they've arrived I just want to stop the constant out brake.

Will go back to a dab of rimmel tomorrow. Can't face school run with a bare face

OnlyWantsOne · 13/09/2015 22:49

Oh do ignore me

Wrong thread!!

LocatingLocatingLocating · 13/09/2015 22:51

About twice per week. Been together 18 years. I'd probably be fine with once per week, but DH has the 'urges' of a teenager Wink and I think he'd ideally prefer once a day but life gets in the way!

Judydreamsofhorses · 13/09/2015 22:51

About once a week - both in our early forties, together five years. We are always kissing and hugging, very intimate, and the sex is great, so it doesn't feel like a big deal that it's less than when we got together. We both work full-time in pretty demanding jobs and have sex more often if we're off/away.

skorpion · 13/09/2015 22:51

Once a month. Been together for 20 years, married for 18. We have two small children and are both stupidly busy at work. Exhausted is my default mode these days and my libido has gone down the drain...
I still really love it when we do it, it's just finding the time and energy that's the problem.

ouryve · 13/09/2015 22:53

I was wondering where the dab of Rimmel would go, only Blush

y0rkier0se · 13/09/2015 22:58

Twice a week on average - sometimes 4/5 times a week, sometimes none. He would have it everyday but hormonal contraception has made me not that fussed.

y0rkier0se · 13/09/2015 22:58

Oh and been together nearly 5 years

Original poster
showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 23:04

Hahahaha only - that's funny

So, if it's quite early stages and one of you is already easing off, but everything else in the relationship is great! Lot's of affection and solid relationship, how do you know if you're either just sexually incompatible (one has a higher/lower libido) or if there's something wrong.

To me, it's how I intimately and emotionally connect with DP - which is important. How do you tackle it without putting more pressure on the other person? Is it important enough for it to be a deal breaker?

OP posts:
molyholy · 13/09/2015 23:04

Together 13 yrs. Married 8. Once or twice a week. Both happy with that

bettyberry · 13/09/2015 23:15

No where near enough but then my drive really is up and down. Really not interested for 3-5 days past AF. Really want it for a good 10 days. Go off it then really want it just before AF.
we also don't live together which probably impacts on it. Not seeing someone for weeks means you have to get back to getting used to being with them.

Too far apart. Been 3 weeks. Wondering if its worth it tbh.

Original poster
showsomeclass · 13/09/2015 23:20

Aww - sounds like a sad situation Betty - I feel for you

If only we could separate our heads from our hearts huh!

OP posts:
Feckingfeckfeck · 13/09/2015 23:25

At least once a day, usually twice.

bettyberry · 13/09/2015 23:45

showsomeclass there are worse situations. It isn't loveless at all just distance and the travelling makes it so difficult because one of us, usually both are just too tired and It leaves me so frustrated!

What exactly do you class as sex though? If you mean just penetrative its actually far less and, seems as I am being very honest, penetrative doesn't always do it for me or him bastard condoms . We use hands, toys etc a little more than most which really helps if we have mismatched days. He'll indulge me and I him even if we're not up to a full session or its just not going to happen iyswim. If I'm really not in the mood I'm quite happy for him to service himself and the same goes for me.

It actually works really well for us.

maybe we are an odd couple Shock

dollyonthedustcart · 14/09/2015 06:06

Morning & night daily, sometimes afternoons too. Been together 2 months, it's heaven.

Twinkie1 · 14/09/2015 06:18

About 4 times per week.

Been together 13 years.

I'm quite happy with the regularity but would refer it upon waking rather than going to bed but he definitely prefers it at night.

SiencynArsecandle · 14/09/2015 06:54

Been together 27 years.

About once every 3 or 4 months.
I used to want it a lot more whereas he didn't, now I'm totally indifferent about it.

Quite sad really.