This may be long. I apologise in advance.
DP and I have been together for 2 years. We have known each other for about 11 years, but were both married to other people. We are part of the same circle of friends. I was divorced for 5 years and him for 2 before we got together (just in case anyone was wondering)
We have always got on really well. Our friends were all delighted when we got together because we are so well suited. Including my ex-h, who I have an unusually good friendship with.
All was going amazingly well...until...
About 6 months in, we had a very minor disagreement. I was annoyed with him about something he had done that had hurt me and I told him so.
Completely without warning, the shutters came down. He wouldn't answer my calls, he wouldn't respond to messages save to say that he didn't want to talk to me. It was hell. I felt ill. I thought it was all over.
After 2 days of being ignored, he invited me round, told me he had been going over things in his head. He had been worried that I was trying to manipulate him. I wasn't. He had decided that I wasn't, so now everything was ok. He was trying to guard against the same mistakes made in his marriage, where he had been controlled and manipulated and was determined not to let that happen again.
I was upset with him, but relieved that things were back on track, so on we went...
This has happened 3 times since. Always about something small that was taken the wrong way. He refuses to answer my calls and gets annoyed if I text him saying 'all I want is some space and you can at least give me that.'
When I ask him about it he just says he needs time to think and that I need to leave him alone. He stops short of completely ignoring me. He'll send a good morning or a goodnight (just those words. No elaboration) and if I try to call, he'll text a 'do you need me for anything?' and if I say 'just to talk to you.' He'll say 'oh. Ok.' Or remind me that I'm supposed to be leaving him alone.
He is doing this to me at the moment. We don't live together. We have complicated and busy lives. I went round to his on Thursday night. Neither of us had our children. I usually stay the night. I was getting tired at about 11, so said I might go to bed. He said 'so you're going home, then?'
And I was a bit surprised and asked 'can't I stay here?'
And he said
'No.'
Just that.
So I got my stuff together and started to leave. I was upset. Visibly so.
He got annoyed with me. I told him it was fine. He needed a night to himself and that is valid. I sometimes do too, I was just disappointed as I hadn't seen him all week and like waking up with him. He accused me of trying to make him feel bad.
I left.
And since then it has been the cold shoulder.
He sends me good morning and goodnight messages and we even all went to his sister's house for lunch yesterday, but he didn't speak directly to me or look at me the whole time we were there.
I feel like I'm going mad.
I have told him how this makes me feel. It doesn't seem to make a difference. He says this is just how he copes with things and I need to accept it.
But it makes me feel physically sick and Insecure and out of control.
Is Any Fucker around to give me a kick up the arse?