At the start of the year I saw some messages between my husband and a female friend from work. They seemed to be discussing his potential infidelity not with her but another woman in their department. Husband swore blind that he hadn't actually gone through with it just had his head turned by this woman.
The female friend he was chatting to about it is someone I know. I wouldn't say we are as close friends like she is with my husband, as they spend time socialising as a group with some other friends from work, but I would say we are friends. She's invited me out to her birthday's and some "girly nights" over the last few years
Husband and I almost split up over it but we decided to work through the issues. There was a lot else going on at the same time which lead him to say he felt neglected by me and when the OW had started to "come on to him" he'd felt flattered and enjoyed the attention.
The things he was telling his female work friend was fairy graphic but I do believe him that nothing actually happened with OW. He admits he didn't intend for me to see their messages, he said he used to delete anything that wasn't purely innocent friendly chat, so I would like to believe that he didn't physically cheating otherwise he would have given his female friend the details in that conversation
I was very angry and became rather jealous of his friendship with his female friend because a) he was discussing his potential cheating with her b) that he was obviously confiding in her over me on a rang of other issues. I've never had any problem with their friendship before as she is very nice and friendly but as part of the getting through what he'd done I asked him to talk to her a bit less until I was over my jealousy.
My issue comes now that although he did stop talking to her so much for a while he's been talking to her an awful lot again recently. He's open with his Work laptop (another condition of us not splitting) and I admit I had a look a few nights ago. His email account is full of emails from them! some work related but others are obviously just long chatty emails. I felt a tiny bit jealous again but was prepared to let it lie until I noticed something slightly odd. In a few of his emails he says things like I will text you or check your whatsapp. At first she questions why and he makes it clear whatever it is he wanted to say isn't appropriate for email at work.
Husband took passcode off his phone at my request after I saw him talking about cheating. I took the chance to look at his phone and found hundreds of messages between him and his female friend on whatapps. It looks like they message on it during work, most evenings after work and occasionally on weekends. Now they are good friends so I would expect the to chat a bit but I now feel very insecure and jealous about the amount he talks to her! I read a large chuck of the messages and they are all totally innocent but it just really bothered me.
I checked his normal text messages because my Husband specifically mentioned that she should read her text messages in an email he sent last week. I may be being over suspicious or paranoid but I definitely feel like he's been deleting some of the messages. I also got the impression from one conversation just before the bank holiday they were meeting up somewhere. It was a bit odd as it was clearly during the day at work. He said he was leaving now and she said see you in 5 minutes. I don't really see why they would need to go meet up somewhere as they sit near each other
I can't decide if I should believe my husband or not when he says he didn't actually cheat. I also don't know how much I trust his friendship with his friend. Its clear they are still very very close and talking all the time and although the chats are very innocent I have this gnawing feeling that he's deleting messages again. He would only be doing that if he had something to hide. He's very open with his phone, laptop and work laptop which makes me feel like I must be being silly. If he was cheating he wouldn't let me near them surely?!
In all their chats I've seen no mention of the original OW so I fully believe him when he says he cut all contact with her but this last week I've been questioning his "friendship" with this female friend. I feel like they are too close but he obviously has no intentions of giving up his friendship with her
She is in a long term relationship, engaged with 2 daughters
I realise this was very long but I really needed to get it off my chest
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Relationships
Should I trust him after possible infidelity
lydiajane01 · 11/09/2015 21:55
The more i read replies on here the worse I feel its looking 
Do you really thinks its possible FF and OW are the same person?? Like I said they specifically names OW in a chat and FF was telling Husband to be careful because OW would want more and more of him and he told her she was right that he needed to be very clear with OW what it was to him
Hissy I don't know i mentioned in an earlier post FF and Husband talk about their sex lives with each other stuff like "their top 3 sex acts" etc so i assume its part of that. Like I said I'm not sure how i feel about that because I have friends I talk to about Sex but I can't help but feel he shouldn't be talking to her about that sort of thing. But they are close friends so then I feel like a hypocrite to tell him he can talk to his friend about stuff I would talk to mine about.
I told him that if he didn't cut contact with OW I would be packing up the kids and leaving. He agreed to de friend her from facebook, deleted her number in front of me and then he as my request removed all passwords on phone / laptops so I would know he's not just back to talking to OW. I also said he needed to talk less to FF for a few months just until i was over the jealousy that he was confiding information to her
He's due back with the DCs very shortly. I think once they are in bed I need to talk to him.I need to tell him how he's making me feel and find out why he has to talk to FF so much
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You are all right its not an appropriate relationship. Whenever I've questioned it or been jealous he's always managed to make me feel like the unreasonable one. She even tried to befriend me
When I found the original attempted affair with OW he seemed so remorseful didn't want to loss me and the kids but his actions just don't show that.
I'm not even sure what counts as an emotional affair
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