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Original poster

Typically how quickly do you have sex with a new guy?

113 replies

Abundatia · 10/09/2015 20:39

I keep hearing about the "3 date rule". I can't imagine feeling ready to bang after just 3 dates though. I find sex is better when I really know and care about the person.

You?

OP posts:
WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 11/09/2015 14:50

I have to say I've read all your posts a few times minx and I don't understand what you're saying at all or even getting at, and I have tried!

Why are you comparing having sexual intercourse to making a sandwich for someone? I think I'm missing something quite fundamental. Why should a person not be happy to have consensual casual sex and not be happy to be raped?

What is all this stuff about training men like dogs?

I kind of feel like I probably disagree with lots of what you're saying, quite strongly, but your posts are too impenetrable to me to really pin down what you're talking about.

OP you say "So if we're boning every guy on the first date that's a lot of sexual partners in a relatively short amount of time" the question (apart from how a woman can "bone" someone unless this is a pegging thread) is why are you counting and why does a number matter.

I don't keep count of other things that are mutually enjoyable that I do with people. Why keep count when it's sex.

DrMorbius · 11/09/2015 14:56

CalmYourselfTubbs
i found sleeping with a guy on the first date to be the kiss of death for any possible relationship

Why would sleeping with a guy be the kiss of death unless you are crap in bed ??

I think you will find you are relating sleeping with a guy and a relationship as part of the same process. The guys don't see it that way. The chances of having a relaitonship with a guy are exactly the same whether you sleep with him or not.

Jw35 · 11/09/2015 14:57

I have a 6 month rule (that I don't share with my potential mate). If he's still interested after 6 months I know he likes me for me not just my body. I have been with my current partner for 6 years and the first 6 months are still a fun memory as there was so much sexual tension! When we finally started sleeping together it was amazing! I totally recommend it!

Jw35 · 11/09/2015 14:59

I disagree calmyourselftubbs! I think sleeping with someone on the first date is less likely to lead to a relationship

worldgonecrazy · 11/09/2015 15:00

To return to the OP

I'm no longer single, but in my footloose and fancy free days, it could be anywhere between 5 minutes and a week or two. When it was a week or longer it was usually because work/other commitments meant lack of opportunity rather than a desire to wait.

I like sex. I don't feel the need to justify that.

Now if only I'd found a man who could do great sex and great sandwiches I'd probably be able to write something deep, dark and impenetrable too.

Branleuse · 11/09/2015 15:02

there was tonnes of sexual tension when I slept with my dp the first time I met him (IRL) and there still is 10 years later, but I neither recommend or warn against it. Just do what you feel

worldgonecrazy · 11/09/2015 15:03

Sex on first date doesn't lead to relationships? I have to disagree, I have had 3 LTR (3+ years) and two marriages (the first one 10 years, and current one still going strong after 14 years). I had sex with all of them the day.

worldgonecrazy · 11/09/2015 15:03

the day = "the first day"

beachhouse29 · 11/09/2015 15:04

We had sex within the first week. We married in the year and that was over a decade ago.

TheMarxistMinx · 11/09/2015 15:07

Whirlpool sorry, philosophy...yr 3 of it and my brain is now...corrupted.

Essentially I have no opinion on what others do. I make no judgments and think women should have sex with whom and when they want. I have and would, and will.

I am not comparing sex with sandwiches. Just interested in how politics (not in governments, voting etc) but in general terms affects the way we think of ourselves, our bodies, our minds and our autonomy, individualism, and how this relates to other concepts of personal and private property.

Training men like dogs...well if the cultural norm was for all women to make all men wait, then all men would wait. Doesn't actually achieve anything other than a long wait.

DrMorbius · 11/09/2015 15:09

Jw35 to be fair to calmyourselftubbs said the same as you. It was me that desputes that assertion.

I just don't see how sleeping with/or not, on the first date can have anything other than a minor impact. If a guy is looking for a long term relationship having sex on the first night will not put him off.
The problem is the guy 'who is not' looking for a long term relationship definitely would like sex on the first night.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 11/09/2015 15:43

DrMorbius looking back, i think it was because once they got their shag with me, they were off to find their next new shag.
my friends also concur with this.
but this is a long time ago - perhaps things have changed.
maybe crapness in bed had sommat to do with it? Grin who knows?

the whole point is that they did not want to stick around - they got their bit and they were off. perhaps they did not want to hang around lest they would not have their next shag lined up before dark? who knows....

pocketsaviour · 11/09/2015 15:44

Of the 5 LTRs I've had in my life, 4 of them started with sex the first night. Including my marriage. The one that didn't, there wasn't a strong attraction and in hindsight I should have taken more notice of that, but I was quite vulnerable then and the whole relationship was a mistake.

And on the flip side, I have NEVER had sex with someone and then been disappointed that they didn't call or whatever. (Or send a letter. I'm old Grin )

DrMorbius · 11/09/2015 15:50

CalmYourselfTubbs things have not changed. But that was my point when I wrote The problem is the guy 'who is not' looking for a long term relationship definitely would like sex on the first night

The guy(s) you (your friends) shagged wasn't up for a relationship, he was up for a shag. You could have drained him like a corpse Grin but he would still be "shag and run man"

The guy looking for a long term relationship, shag him or not, he is still "man looking for a relationship".

They are different animals.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 11/09/2015 16:32

Dr Morbius no, that wasn't the case all the time.
some of these men had been looking for wives girlfriends for a long while.
but they didn't want her to be the one who shags first date.
its a cultural thing where i come from.

Branleuse · 11/09/2015 16:39

bit of a misogynistic culture then Tubbs. Id be pretty glad to find that out early on

BorisStoleMyWig · 11/09/2015 16:42

To some extent it's still a cultural thing here. Wherever you're from, whatever the culture, it's fucking awful that a man will have sex on date #1 and then judge a woman for doing the same.

If I had sex on the first date and the man then dumped me for being a slapper I would be nothing but happy to see him go. I've got no time for that kind of shit.

Hoppipolar · 11/09/2015 16:48

Sex shouldn't be scheduled like that! It's whenever both people want!

Princerocks · 11/09/2015 16:49

I've been with my DH a long time so it feels like another lifetime but I never had sex with anyone who didn't turn out to be a long term, as in years, boyfriend. I don't fancy the idea of sex with someone I'm not really comfortable with. I know I would just hate it. If I ever find myself on a first date wanting to have sex I think I will just fire ahead.

bigTillyMint · 11/09/2015 16:53

Well its been nearly 20 years since I went on a date with a new man, but back in the day it was anything from hours to never (ie dumped before it got that farWink)
With DH it was the 3rd date IIRC.

FriendofBill · 11/09/2015 16:55

I do have a 90 day rule.
30 days no intimacy/meet in public.
30 days handholding/some intimacy still in public.
30 days kissing/squeezing, I would ask them to have STI test in this period.
After this I decide if I want to go further then would invite them for coffee etc.
They usually reveal themselves in 90 days...if they are decent or not.

I feel I have to do this because my judgements have been so poor in the past. I also only want to have sex with people I trust and love.

Some folks have a canny intuition about goodies/baddies that I don't have....

niceupthedance · 11/09/2015 16:59

DrMorbius the problem is you can't tell them apart. They all say what they think you want to hear.

But I think this goes both ways, chap upthread who expected sex on the second date actually said afterwards he didn't fuck on the first date 'as then it doesn't go anywhere'.

It's all so subjective, I've given up trying to work out how it works.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 11/09/2015 17:03

Agree with nice - you can't tell them apart.

donajimena · 11/09/2015 17:56

So friendofbill you would ask them for an STI test and then decide if you want to go further? What do you say?" Thanks for going for the STI test but nah I'm not up for it now"?
Not knocking STI tests btw

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 11/09/2015 18:03

Minx I think it is fair to say that you have some pretty peculiar ideas about men and women and sex!

Friend if you have had past experiences that didn't work for you, and are a bit easily persuaded / reckless (I am a bit like that), then setting yourself a strict set of rules seems like a sensible way to proceed!

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