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Relationships

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Original poster

Typically how quickly do you have sex with a new guy?

113 replies

Abundatia · 10/09/2015 20:39

I keep hearing about the "3 date rule". I can't imagine feeling ready to bang after just 3 dates though. I find sex is better when I really know and care about the person.

You?

OP posts:

bonzo77 · 11/09/2015 08:53

Within the first 2-3 dates. Often the first one. If it was to go anywhere, firstly is want there to be enough chemistry that we both wanted to. And secondly sex is important to me, if it was really awful (and he couldn't take some instruction) I'd not want to get further involved.

StormCoat · 11/09/2015 09:02

Pretty much what Bonzo said. I like sex, and I'd want to find out if we were completely incompatible before investing too much in the relationship. Plus I found it built up too much if left too long in a new relationship.

Original poster

Abundatia · 11/09/2015 09:07

I'm not religious but I too grew up thinking sex was something for a committed relationship only. Even now I don't have any desire to get naked and so physically intimate with somebody I barely know or care about. I guess that makes me very old fashioned.

OP posts:

lanbro · 11/09/2015 09:08

Slept with DH after first date but had been friends for months. Engaged after 4 months now married for 4 years. Just go with the flow!

donajimena · 11/09/2015 09:10

Oh and with my boyfriend (together 8 months now) it was the first date. As someone said up thread there aren't many opportunities these days and even though I knew by the end of our first date I wanted to see him again in case he didn't feel the same way I would get a shag out of it

donajimena · 11/09/2015 09:12

It doesn't make you old fashioned at all OP its all about what YOU feel comfortable with. Good for you

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/09/2015 09:15

It's fine to be old fashioned or wait as long as you don't assume that's the superior position and judge others for doing things differently

Original poster

Abundatia · 11/09/2015 09:24

I doubt men are going want to date me. It seems that the overwhelming majority are happy to have sex very early on with guys they don't yet know. So why would a guy tolerate me wanting to wait until I know him and develop feelings for him?

OP posts:

BorisStoleMyWig · 11/09/2015 09:27

Do what feels right for you

Since I split with my exh I've been on lots of dates. Slept with roughly half of them. Again, roughly half of that was on the first date.

My current man and I have been dating for about a month and a half. I slept with him on date 3 because like others I wanted to check out how it would be and it was incredible. What's interesting about him is that he's been the most relaxed man I've ever dated about sleeping over (and the most relaxed I've been too). Imvho waking up next to a man is much more intimate than a shag on the first date. Sleeping next to someone makes you very vulnerable.

Actually, that's made me a bit warm and fuzzy. I've just realised that means I trust him

BorisStoleMyWig · 11/09/2015 09:28

Oh they'll wait OP. And if they don't then they're a twat and not worth it.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 11/09/2015 09:37

Pretty quickly, so anywhere between the 1st and 3rd date. I want to find out if there is enough chemistry and if we're sexually compatible early on, before I start getting emotionally involved. I would hate to get fond of someone then find out the sex is meh.

SaucyJack · 11/09/2015 09:52

Usually on a first date. If I like them enough to want to see them again, then I like them enough full stop.

Re the STIs; I don't see that it makes any difference at which point you sleep with someone. If he's got X, Y or Z then he's still going to have it in six weeks time.

wallywobbles · 11/09/2015 10:00

After 6 years celibate, it was after 10 minutes with DP. Like whataload - I'd rather know that we were compatible.

wallywobbles · 11/09/2015 10:01

And 10 minutes is probably being generous - could have been less than 5!

ScarletRuby · 11/09/2015 10:12

Careful OP, you probably don't mean to but you're sounding a tiny bit judge there.

Original poster

Abundatia · 11/09/2015 10:20

It's not judgmental at all. It's a description of reality.

OP posts:

Original poster

Abundatia · 11/09/2015 10:23

OK, so the part I'm not understanding is this......when dating we typically go out on a first date with a variety of guys before finding one we really click with, right? So if we're boning every guy on the first date that's a lot of sexual partners in a relatively short amount of time. Please don't start calling me judgmental. I'm just saying it seems a lot. I'll typically go on a first date with any guy who's attractive and seems nice, interesting and sane. That's a whole lot of guys.

OP posts:

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/09/2015 10:23

Of course you're being judgemental. And resentful of all those sluts making it impossible for naice girls like you to date.

Your perspectives are all fucked up.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/09/2015 10:27

Who said anything about boning every guy on the first date?
Personally I will fuck a person if he's up for it and I'm up for it. No rules about how quickly or otherwise. That doesn't mean I fuck everyone I date because I don't fancy everyone I date, nor do they all fancy me.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/09/2015 10:28

And so what if some people bone everyone they go on a date with? So what?

MissEeerie · 11/09/2015 10:33

Usually within a few hours.

ravenmum · 11/09/2015 10:35

I don't think women do any boning; that's just the men...

So far I've also hopped into every bed with every guy I dated and (mutually) fancied by the third or fourth date. At 46 that's a grand total of 2...

RaspberryBeret34 · 11/09/2015 10:36

It depends but my average is around date 6. I too find date 3 a bit soon generally but have sometimes done other things (not actual sex) around then. I agree with others who have said there's no magic rule and to just go with what feels right. I find it best to go with natural momentum/flow of things.

fairyfeatures · 11/09/2015 10:36

I've had ONS in the past. I've waited for a good few dates. My STBH chased me for 18months before I even considered having sex with him, we were then FWB for about 6 months, then got into a relationship.. it really can be anything. Its about what you want and what you feel comfortable with. Agree with Boris - sleeping next to somebody is by far more trusting and waking up with someone is far more intimiate -and eyeopening!-

OliviaM91 · 11/09/2015 10:41

I've only slept with my husband and I asked him to wait six months.

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