The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Waving Goodbye To Summer Nights, Sipping Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse Welcome to the Bus. :)

Well, it would appear that Autumn is on it's way I have the heating on and can't wait to use the log burner.... shhh!

So, who are we? We're just like you. Married, single, divorced, lots of children or no children, working or a SAHM, it doesn't matter, we all breathe the same air.....

We're just trying to live our lives on the Bus, like you do each day. Well, except for one thing...

I know don't start my day with a swig, or seven, from a litre bottle of vodka (choose your poison) any longer.

And that's what has kept me here, for years now. And no doubt many more to come. Reading the stories of others struggles, wanting to say "I feel like that" or "I do that too!" but being to ashamed to be the first to put your hand up.

Well, let me reassure you here and now, there's not much that we haven't read about on here or done ourselves over the years.

We've laughed at stories of haphazard nights out, we've cried at the loss of loved ones and we've shared the pain that only an alcoholic knows when all that they want is to STOP!

Push the pause button, get off the ride, shut the door, bury yourself under the duvet for days. We've all felt that sickening feeling in our gut that makes us want to curl up and hide forever. And we've shared it all on here.

You see I don't know you and you don't know me, so we're just words on a screen to each other. Eventually, you'll get to know me more and I you, and the other fantastic Babes too, some will stay, some leave us, then some come back.

One thing I can PROMISE - here you are safe, here you won't be judged, turned away (unless you're not genuine) and we even have a huge stock of Opal Fruits but that's all down to Ma.

So, if you think we're you're kind of lovely bunch of people to help you stop drinking, slow down, hold your hand while you decide what to do, then come find a seat!

OUR MOST RECENT THREAD

AND A VERY SOBERING READ, THAT LEAD TO THE BIRTH OF THE THREADS THAT FOLLOWED

Wow, you jetsetter isinde

Yes, there have been mucho techno problemos of late but glad you managed to get through. What's new with you?

indie!!!

Where the FCK have you been?

Hi babes, sorry I've not been posting, I've been reading but feeling too flat to contribute anything useful!!! I'm on new bipolar medication which is a mood leveller, it's definitely working cos my mood is consistently level but it's a shite mood!!! I'm so tired, I can barely stay awake and I'm tearful and despondent, as ridiculous as it sounds I miss my spells of feeling high and euphoric, life is difficult and grey, I told dh I miss being in my own wee world, the child like enthusiasm but sadly what follows is a horrific low which is the root of my desperate drunken binges.

I really hope my mood will improve, I guess it takes time to let new meds settle down but I'm having terrible nightmares, even worse than usual and I'm angry with everyone and everything.

I was at slimming world last night and a lovely woman who's lost over 4 stone and is stuck was saying how she's at that "why can't I have the things I want to eat, why do I have to refuse the treats at work, why must I say no no no to all treats on offer". It made me think of all of us, wishing we could enjoy that chilled Sauvignon that seems to be everywhere we look, we know it will take the edge of our problems, warm our soul and we watch the "normal" people enjoy it with animated faces and laughter we can hear but not participate In, WHY WHY WHY can't we be part of that world, it's not fair??

Instead I have a constant knot of tension in my belly and my eyelids feel as heavy as my mood but I guess I must keep going as I'm all out of lives and I'm not sure my body or mind could take another low, I'm lucky I got away with previous binges without killing myself.

I have a constant guilt, surely having 2 lovely dd's and a dh that's stuck by me should be enough??? What's wrong with me? I sometimes feel I'm watching the happy people behind from behind a glass wall and can't seem to get access to the good feelings.

I don't want to be all negative, I need to learn how to be happy again without the "artificial high" bipolar has provided.

Dd2 is now 5 and her birthday has triggered very naughty behaviour and she won't go to bed at a decent time, then I can't get her up in the morning, she's ignores every Instructions and uses the word "no" more than any other.

Anyhow, it's great to read about all your own journeys as it makes me feel far less alone so thank you all and keep on keeping on!!

Big hugs xxxx

Hi babes. It's been a while for me too but I always take stock on Wednesdays when I go on a work trip. My good news is that I've stayed AF and it will be 6 weeks on Fri. My face has changed. Slimmer, happier skin, brighter eyes. Here's a funny tidbit though. I told my mother that I'm off booze and she complimented me on it and the changes and said :"I think you are allergic to alcohol since your skin is so different without it"- and said she thinks my dad is "allergic" too because he gets headaches after small amounts. Hmm. The web does not agree - it talks about the East Asian genetic thing where people can't process booze as easily, and some digestive stuff, but nothing that fits me. It's not really helpful to think of it as an allergy either. Bottom line: it's bad for you. It's bad for everyone who drinks, just some people are luckier than others in terms of how much it affects their looks when they drink. On reflection I wonder if it was a way to distance herself from my "problem"- she is a very moderate/low drinker but if she's not "allergic" she needn't have to consider stopping, right?

Re all the "normal" people enjoying a Chardonnay -- I don't know, I think the cultural tide may be slowly changing the way it did for smoking. A lot of what society views as normal drinking IS harmful. There is a documentary on YouTube where they go out and test random Brits using a mobile liver unit and shocking numbers, like 15 per cent, had some signs of liver disease, way more than they expected. I do think we get to say "yay we opted out" when we are AF.

Well done on six weeks Siren and great that you are seeing some lovely results

baby hang in there, it will take a while for meds to work properly and sometimes they have to adjust dosage but it will get better for you and you will feel happy and connected again. Well done for posting, that must have been hard to do and we do appreciate you letting us know how you're doing x

Hi faire, thank you so much for your kind message, how's your healthy eating plan going? Your sounding very focused and positive lately, your kindness means a great deal to me.

ma how's the mouse situation?, my parents once had £1400 of damage to the electrics under their bonnet cos a mouse got in, cheeky wee bigger. Hope your dd has a fantastic adventure abroad, what a lovely opportunity, you've clearly raised your kids with ambition and a sense of adventure, just like their mum!!!

small sounds like you and I are on the same page, despondent and old but I bet if I saw you in RL, you'd be anything but, where's this bloody dewy skin and bouncy hair, we surely must be close??? Big hugs xx

popstar how are you feeling today lovely?? I think you've been so strong through your dads illness and all the demands of you, that when things settle ever so slightly, you've had a wee wobble, be kind to yourself xxx

obrigada super well done on being so controlled at your daughters party, it's just so good to wake up without a hangover on a Sunday isn't it?? One thing I never tire off is Sunday morning with a coffee and a clear head. Your simply fabulous, xxx

inside oh how lovely it is to have you back!!! Been thinking of you a lot, my dd2 had just turned 5 which has triggered some kind of demonic state, Crikey you've got 2 to manage, I just can't get mine to go to bed before 11pm which is very stressful while trying to remain sober. Hats off to you and dp, your clearly as I always suspected super human!!!

joey as Joey Tribiany would say "how you doing?" Xxx

Right I'm scared I'll lose this so i'll be back later to NC anyone I've forgotten.

Love to all xxxx

It's going really well thanks baby, I'm having the odd treat but not every day; I'm mostly managing to stick to regular meals and no snacks so I'm sure the weight will continue to come off slowly but surely.

Did anyone watch the Dr Foster drama that finished last night? I won't post any spoilers but I thought it was very well done, great actors. One of the joys of autumn is all the new drama series. I've recorded Lewis to watch at some later time too. I always used to watch that with dd so not sure whether to watch without her or wait until she's home for a visit. We watched all the old Morse episodes too and got really good at working out the plot.

Anything else coming up that might be worth getting into? I thought I saw a trailer for Sherlock, is that a new series does anyone know? I'm so out of touch with what's coming up and usually miss the first episodes of anything.

Another great thing about autumn is lighting the candles and being cosy inside. Last night everyone was out and it was just me, the cat and the candles. Bliss

joey I also loved Inspector Morse, great minds eh!!! I think your approach to losing weight is a really good one, slow and steady wins the race.

Well the kids are off for a week and a half so it's going to be a stressful time, trying to find things a 16 year old and a 5 year old both enjoy is going to be a challenge!!!

Hugs for every brave babe reading this, your posts inspire me every day zxx

I have been watching Dr Foster on iplayer faire and have the last one ready for tonight - my favourite drama at the moment.

I am on day 14 today and have been fighting the 'look how well you have done, time for a wine reward' internal dialogue. Doesn't matter that i know where it all ends, the same conversations keep going round. Am posting to help me keep going. Well that, and also to say hello

Baby you are doing so well, this new medication sounds bitter sweet but as faire said, it can take time to settle. Keep on going lovely and keep on posting

How are the mountains isinde? Would yodelling be the thing to do in Switzerland

Ma and Venus what adventurous girls you have, takes me back to my backpacking days. A different life ago.

Spanna how are you flower? Miss you

sweet I find myself wondering about puppy training, greenhouses and dm's. Hope you are ok babe x

Small are you hanging in there? Let us know how you are doing lovely.

To pop, Joey, mouse, rural, sirenetta and obrigada a mighty big wave x

Cross posted with you baby - I guess it must be half term week already for you, that seemed to go quickly!

Hey all. baby hang in there. I think you are awesome.
Mouse is still at large. Have found neatly chewed hole in skirting board in Ds room but the traps remain empty. Furry little fucker.
Been at yoga tonight and was chilled until I came home to Ds playing heavy rock on his bass guitar. I am aware how old this makes me sound but......that is NOT music!

Hello all. Yes, thank you Beaches I am hanging in there - but go you, day 14 is awesome. You know as well as I do that its a scary time - those internal dialogues kick in and you somehow convince yourself that this time it'll be different, yes you can have that one drink and it'll be fine. You know the drill. Am sending positive vibes for you, hang on in there.

Baby you poor thing, what a time you are having. Love to you. I am imagining your bouncy hair and your dewy skin, and feeling smiley inside! How're you feeling today? I hate that you feel guilty but I sort of know what you mean - I look at my family and I hold them close to my heart and hug them to me, and feel so astonished that they are still here given all I feel I have done/how little I deserve them. But that's just how I feel - they are gloriously oblivious to it, to them I am just Mummy, essential and ever-there. And that is why I have to hang in there, get better, and be strong - because the idea of not being there for them is intolerable.

Ah, Inspector Morse. I was living in Oxford while they filmed some of the earlier series and we all used to try to compete with each other by racking up random appearances as passers by - I managed three in one episode once. And it brings back memories of watching it with my parents, too - the music can still make me weep, so atmospheric. Very autumnal, too, in my head at least. I think Lewis is an odd programme and not a patch on the original - the stories are hopeless, but I still watch religiously, spotting geographical inconsistencies and ogling Hathaway. On which note, how odd is the Hathaway character - doesn't do anything or go anywhere but still curiously compelling - worried, though, from the other night's episode that they're suddenly going to dump a load of unnecessary backstory on us, and destroy the mystique.

Sorry, going on a bit (time on my hands without alcohol in my head) - but Beaches, that's a good idea to catch up with Dr Foster. Am two episodes behind and curious to know the denouement. Faire - I'm with you on autumn, candles and curling up - love, love, love this time of year.

Sweet - as ever - thinking of you x

faire my DH has just today said there is a Sherlock trailer out, I haven't seen it yet, but he says it looks good.

Good to see you babyj

Had to haul this bus back from the second page .

small thank you for the wise words lovely, I managed to ride it out and had a binge of Netflix Silk instead. I love that you used to 'scene bomb' inspector Morse, I thinks 3 times in one show almost makes you a main character

Ma agree, heavy rock is NOT music

It is thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and in that spirit I wanted to tell you that I am thankful for Gerald and his merry men babes . Catch you later babes x

I am not a heavy rock fan but can manage a bit of ACDC. Waves at everyone. Am bloody knackered at the moment - work , both ends of family , pre meno/ menopausal. But determined to count my blessings baby well done my lovely you are an inspiration.

Desperate to know when life gets a bit easier and slower ....

Evening, tis me, a very tired Mouse

I watched ALL of Dr. Foster last night because I couldn't sleep, and loved it. I love Suranne Jones :)

Okay, DH called the GP today and made me go back. Given that I came out of hospital with a few days left of ABs, but no steroids or inhaler etc, the GP was not a happy chap. My left lung is still crackling and not inflating more than 70%, but luckily he'd just been on a respiratory course.

He told me that an average healthy human takes 6 months to get over pneumonia. With my underlying conditions and the amount of morphine in my system, I have got to rest or face hospital and a pretty rough ride.

So I am going to take my new course of ABs and inhaler, and rest.

Sorry not to NC you all but I need my bed.

Lots of strong vibes are being sent your way.

IsinDe - It's fab to see you posting sweetie xxx

Night all xx

mouse you must be exhausted babe. I sometimes think I have had a rough year but yours takes the biscuit. Which is more than your furry namesake has done by the way. Little bugger is still at large and evading capture.
Hope all babes are well.

Have we got a new bus pet then ma

Mouse not sure how, exactly, you are supposed to rest but do take every opportunity to get your feet up and when you need to do stuff, do it very slowly x

Dd is home from uni this weekend. She decided to catch a train late last night and have a couple of days of home comforts. Lovely to see her again and hear all about her course

beaches I'm thankful that you are out there thinking of us. Have a great thanksgiving x

I wonder if I bait the trap with an opal fruit that would do it?

Nooo, don't kill Fluffy

It's a live trap faire so it won't kill it. I will however, if I find it in my opal fruit stash...

I need to join too ...if there's room?
I drink too much ...don't want to give it up completely but I am slipping further down that slope !
Used to drink on Fri Sat & Sun eve only ...now its unusual if I on any ... and can quite happily polish off a bottle of vino a night if my will power is somewhere else ! The mornings are getting harder and I'm not getting younger
Not sure where to start ....just stop ? Or gradually cut down? Help!

Hi wellies welcome to the bus. Most of us are asleep right now so you will get more responses in the morning.

I've just picked dd up from a night out so am about to head up myself. Come back tomorrow (later today) and let's see if we can help you

Welcome wellies I drink a half bottle to a bottle a night and have no willpower whatsoever so am probably not the best one to be offering top tips but you will find lots of support on here.