ExH having another baby and I'm devastated.

[Sinkingships]

Not because I still care about him, I don't, but because it is his fault I don't have my own children.

SS sent my children to live with someone else because of trouble he started and now he gets to start a brand new family with someone else?

It's so fucking unfair.

I am sorry that your children aren't with you op, but you, like my sister, don't seem to want to accept what is happening.

She too thought that 'giving her dc to her parents' was the best idea (pretty sure you said on another thread that ss didn't remove them, but you willing gave them up after being 'bullied") and said she was also bullied into it.

She told all who would listen that she was the wrong party, and that ss were wrong.

She also said their reasons were stupid & that all that happened was "a few house parties" (the reports their now carer saw say otherwise)

There were a thousand reasons as to why she can't do x,y and z.

She lost permanent residency when she failed to see how her current relationship was also affecting her getting them back.

You said you have a dp who you live with, who is controlling to a degree & you have been with him what, 2yrs? You have to live with him because your finances do not allow you to live alone. Perhaps address that first, op. remove yourself from tricky relationships (he cheated too, didn't he) & bloody well prove SS that you are a decent parent who deserves to have their children back.

If you really did voluntarily give them up, surely it will be easier, to a degree, to get them back. As in, there is no court order that requires them to be away from you?

*wronged

Op has accepted that now is not the right time for her to fight to get the children back (even if she could.)

I remember your other thread. I think you will have a tough time convincing your boys in the future that you haven't put your own wishes before their best interests

I have read previous threads too and I agree with ^ too.

Where are other threads

I think there are several issues here but you can't control everything so focus on what you can control and change.

Firstly whatever your ex is doing is out of your control. You need to stop worrying about his actions and concentrate solely on what YOU can do to change your life.

Do you have contact with your ex? I feel that cutting contact with him might be better for your peace of mind. Ask your parents to talk to him and explain to him that the dcs should not be told about the new baby just now and that your parents will judge if and when they should be told.

Your PTSD will be affecting you and I highly recommend CBT as its really helpful in terms of coping strategies.

Can you apply to the housing near your parents for a place to live which would make contact with your kids easier and you could transfer your degree course or do it through open university. This along with showing you can cope alone and get help with your problems is a step forward.

I wish you well.

OP, if you willingly had your children placed with your parents, can you not live with them for a while?

Sod collage, or this particular course, surely being with your kids are in their best interests?

No, I cant. Even if I wanted to they do not physically have the room for me.

With all due respect different, I am not your sister. I'm aware many people probably say that they were bullied or that it isn't their fault but that doesn't make it any less true in my case.

I was bullied into agreeing to it because I knew if I kept fighting them they would just make the order anyway, which they did in court. I agreed to it to make the transition as easy and painless as possible for the children.

If you read my other thread different you would know the reasons for me doing this particular course at this particular time, I'm not going to go in to it again here.

It reads like you are putting your 'relationship' above your children to be brutally honest.

I do agree that they are better off where they are. Ex and his baby are really none of your business.

Hi Sinking, I am in a similar position. My children were removed from me and went to live with my parents due to DV from EXP. I totally get what you are saying and how you feel angry towards him. I too feel my ex has walked away from the mess he created scot free and to continue his life as he pleases and i have to piece together what is left of my life with little support.
Hopefully in time your situation will improve in terms of contact with your children and it seems like you have a plan, go to uni and make the best life you can for you and your DC and stay strong.

Can I ask, do your children see their father at all?

Is there actually a need to tell them there is a new baby. Surely if he has nothing to do with them, there is no need to update them on what he is up to.

The problem is op you are angry at him for having a new baby when yours have been taken away. By your own admission he wasn't entirely to blame. The way I see it, you can either sit and Seth about him moving on, or you can move on. Not from your children, but from the ex.

What he does has no impact on you. How did you come by this information?

I am sorry this is so painful to read - could of thoughts -

It will fuck up again - leopards don't change their spots . I feel pity for his new partner

As for you - try to use the time without kids to get yourself emotionally , physically and financially strong . Things change and can you really say that if you started to heal and get over this that in 2-3 years SS will still say no - really ? Don't give up and I am pleased you still have contact .

Are you working and earning ? As maybe being kids free for this time might be a good time to focus on that ?

Sorry I don't know much but there is much you can do to strengthen yourself xxxx

Cheers Walter, very helpful.

Intra, I think you might be confusing me with someone else?

Tilly, exactly. I'm glad someone else can see how it feels. I have no support at all other than DP, SS just wash their hands of you once they have ruined your life, they just don't care.

Spartans, it was announced on Facebook. Ex does see the DC's but only sporadically. It will be apparent once the baby arrives if not before then so I think it is necessary to tell ds. I desperately want to move on but it's hard to let it go. There's a lot of things I want to let go from the past but I think I need some help to do so.

Paris, now the initial shock has faded I also feel sorry for her. I think it very likely that he has not been totally upfront and honest with her about his past, I'm almost certain he's lied to her about me and our break up to make himself seem better in her eyes. She's in for a very hard time if he hasn't changed and I don't envy her one bit.

I am working now and studying. My parents insisted that I use this time to try and make something of myself, which I am trying my best to do. I hope I can make them all proud of me in the end, in a few years time I hope to be transformed and stronger than I ever was before. I will do all I can to keep my relationship with them strong while I'm doing it.

What do your parents think about telling them?

They think he should wait to tell them but agree they should be told.

No Intra, that's not me.

I did read your threads & I stand by what I said.

Sounds like you have all but given up.

And no, you are not my sister, but save for a few facts, the two are you are exactly a like. She also puts her man first above her children, who she is allowed to see at their guardians discretion.

I desperately want to move on but it's hard to let it go perhaps deleting him & his friends from fb would help with that.

For everyone discussing how OP could get her children back, if this is court ordered as the OP suggests, there is likely to be restrictions on visits and how close and frequently she can be, and there is unlikely to be legal aid to fight court ordered care unless there are really exceptional circumstances and the case is solid. As the children were recently removed, it is unlikely that this would ever qualify. OP and SS have agreed that the children are better off elsewhere.

OP Can you block him from Facebook? You'd save yourself some pain not knowing. I'd leave telling the children to your parents at the moment but be ready to discuss it during visits if your DCs have questions. They may ask things that you don't know, such as whether this baby will live with Dad. Was he considered for residency of your DC?

if this is court ordered It wasn't...she voluntarily sent them to her parents before it got that far.