ExH having another baby and I'm devastated.

[Sinkingships]

Not because I still care about him, I don't, but because it is his fault I don't have my own children.

SS sent my children to live with someone else because of trouble he started and now he gets to start a brand new family with someone else?

It's so fucking unfair.

Didn't you say on your previous thread that you stayed with him to the detriment of your children?

No I didn't say that cool.

Like I said, I recognise that I could have done things better and I know that people always feel they did nothing wrong to deserve it but in my case this is accurate.

Lunar, she definately knows, she had to have a check by SS when they got together.

Theclacks, no they don't but social workers can and do make mistakes.

Ebony, I agree but I still want to discuss it with ds as I'm sure he will want to.

ItStraining, it would have been difficult to disengage with him more given that he moved halfway across the country and we hardly saw him (his choice) after we split. I'm not able to get them back get because there hasn't been a significant enough change in circumstances as it hasn't been that long since they left. I would need to apply to court to get them back. Plus to get them back would require moving across the country which I'm not able to do right now.

With all due respect, all those saying that I probably did deserve to have them taken really don't know what you are talking about as you were not involved with the case. exH's actions instigated the SS's involvement and I personally believe that once they were involved they had already formed such a biased opinion of me that they were convinced everything I did was wrong. The SW even told me that I had done everything they asked and tried by absolute hardest yet they applied to court anyway. You're right, it doesn't make sense.

I was raped and they used that against me, even going as far as recording it as a 'domestic incident' on their files instead of a rape. They purposely sent a representative round to goad and provoke me into given a reaction they could use against me. Of the ten 'reasons' they gave why my children shouldn't live with me, one was that I once put my son in his bedroom for five minutes to discipline him. Another was that I left a bottle of surface cleaner out in the kitchen on one occasion. Just two examples of their ridiculous 'reasons'. There were multiple times when their statements were either heavily exaggerated/misrepresented or just complete lies. As an example, they claimed I said I didn't want my children, when actually what I did was ask for respite for my disabled son.

It is only a matter of (short) time that he does to his new family whatever he did to you and he will be back to having his new child taken off him again. A leopard (Controlling selfish abusive men) never change their spots or learn their lessons. Especially if they have got away with it the first time. His pregnant partner is probably already harbouring deep regrets and worries already about what the future holds baring in mind his past. She may be in a bit of denial but her concerns will still be there niggling away.
Cosmic justice will indeed visit him soon you just wait and see.

Ok I've looked at your past threads. Was the rape committed by your ex? I realise that SS will occasionally be too heavy handed or make mistakes but If you and your parents are so adamant that there was no need for the children to be removed then why on earth have you not got legal aid to fight it?

Ou say you split from your ex two years ago but your children have been with your parents for a matter of months. Something just isn't adding up here.

Sorry I am really confused. He is at the other end of the country and barely ever sees them and when he does it sounds like supervised access only?

You have been apart for two years. What on earth can it be that only HE is doing/has done that means there is no improvement in your situation? What am I missing here!

I am also struggling to understand why you are adamant that you can't move to be nearer to your children. If your parents really felt there were no safeguarding issues with you, or serious problems with your MH I am sure they would move heaven and earth to help you resettle closer to all of them. Wild horses would not keep me away and satisfied with monthly visits, uni course pending or not.

Unless I knew deep down that my children were better off for having me around a bit less.

Sorry , I don't wish to seem like I am attacking you, you have clearly love your children very much and have had a horrible time but I think the key to turning thinks around and getting them back is to be more honest with yourself and deflect things less.

Things not thinks!

If he was such a shit and the reason you had your children taken away from you, why, 2 months ago, were you complaining that he didn't see them enough?

That doesn't sound fair at all OP. It is horrible when destructive people seem to walk away from the carnage largely unscathed. It happens much more than it would in a fair universe.

I hope you find a way to be with your children again. Do you feel you've exhausted the legal options? Or are you just a bit exhausted yourself?

From what you have said OP and I haven't read any of your other threads...I feel you can be fairly sure that this is not going to be an undesrved 'happy ending' for your ex. It sounds quite likely that it will be perpetuated misery for the new baby and Ex's GF.
If you really feel your children were taken unjustly I would fight it as others have said but do consider that if they are happy and settled with your parents that this may give you comfort and a real chance to make a fresh start.

Because beautiful, I know he is a shit but the DC's dont. They still love and miss him very much.

Itsraining, I don't think my children would be better off not having me around at all but I have detailed the reasons why the move is not an option right now on another thread and I'm not going to go into it again. They did feel I had issues with my MH but I went to a GP who felt that I was fine and needed no help. I did actually agree to attend some form of MH therapy sessions but they were held in another town miles from where I live and I couldn't get there and back before it ws time to pick up the children. When I asked for help with childcare so I could attend the sessions, SS refused even though they had asked me to go in the first place.

No, the rape was commited by someone who was a virtual stranger to me.

As far as I was aware there is no more legal aid? I was told is isn't available anymore, I can't gets legal aid for my divorce so it seems unlikely they would offer it for a lenghtly court battle with SS?

Allnew, despite me being desperate to have them back, I know they are settled in school and happy where they are as much as they can be in the circumstances.

I don't it would be fair on them to uproot them again just so I can 'win' against SS.

Maybe a university law dept project would be able to help? The kind that allow law students to practice building cases, under close supervision.

^practise

That's a good idea Harry.

I know it has been cut right back but surely if you are on a low income it would be available for something like this? Or you could go to your MP?

So you are not diagnosed as mentally ill. You are not neglectful or abusive. You complied with everything SS asked you to do, your ex who was the sole reason for SS intervention in the first place (although I am unsure on what grounds SS intervention was triggered) disappeared from your lives two years ago, and yet only six months ago you were strongly coerced into allowing your children to be placed with your parents 300 miles away at the insistence of SS, and their reasons were that even though they are 8 and 9 years old you sent one of them to his room for being naughty and you left a lidless bottle of Calpol on the side?

Is that it, in a nutshell? Because if that were me I'd be chaining myself to some railings somewhere and screaming about it, not moving in with a new bloke and starting a degree course 300 miles away from my kids.

What is it in your life that they are saying now has not sufficiently improved for them to allow the children back? You can't send the to their room or poison them with Calpol if they are not there.

Without wishing to defend the father in any way, if he has been as dangerous as the OP is implying, it is probable that a risk assessment has/ will be carried out on him and his new future family. There's also the possibility that he has (or may be required to) engage in some kind of intervention to minimise the risk he poses, such as a DV group. As the OP may have worked on her issues, so may he have.

If you google legal aid you will see that you can indeed apply for it for when your children are being taken into care, ad for divorce if you have suffered domestic violence.

To be honest I am gob smacked that you haven't googled it yourself by now, under the circumstances. [ confused]

I think the longer you live in a state of denial about whatever it was on your part that meant your children were removed, the longer it will take for you to get them back

I can't say anything re the OP's specific circumstances, but to think SS never gets it wrong is very naive. I've seen it happen more than once myself. Like parents, they're only human.

Yes, basically (except the bottle of calpol did have a lid on!)

I've been told by all those around me that I need to accept it and try to move on (obviously this is all but impossible) so that is what I've tried to do but I don't feel it's working very well.

Although I was not diagnosed with any MH problems, I have suffered depression in the past and with hindsight I do think it may have flared up again. Like I said, I was willing to attend sessions anyway but SS refused to help me to allow it. I also think that it is likely I'm suffering from ptsd due to the rape and other things and it is something I definitely want to seek help for before I attempt to get my children back.

The whole process with SS was extremely traumatic for me and I don't think I'm mentally stable and strong enough to cope with going through the whole thing again right now. Right now I don't think I could win if I tried, I think I would be suseptable to their provocation again and would break down and if there's one thing I've learnt from dealing with them it's that you basically cannot show any emotion. You have to be calm and composed at all times and I don't think I could do that right now. But in time, after some councilling maybe, I will.

I don't think op is asking how to get her children back.

I did Google it but the DC's were already gone by that point and even though I did suffer dc I'm under the impression it was too long ago and I have no evidence.

^dv and no I'm not cool but the thread has derailed by lots of people asking questions. I basically know how to get them back I just can't do it yet.

OP, it sounds as if you are actually thinking about the children's best interests by not trying to get them back and risking unsettling them.