If you love someone you save them, right?

[Readingsfromthebookofexile]

I have started something that really genuinely upsets my DP. It is causing real trauma. I could make the pain go away by giving up the thing I started. But I can't. It feels like I would be cutting off a part of me. But continuing makes me a horrible cruel heartless person. I should sacrifice that part of me for my DP, shouldn't I?

(To avoid drip feed, it's religious faith. But this isn't about religion, it's the principle)

Trauma? How?

Um, think we need more info. How can you worshipping a God cause your do real pain? Which God is it? Is this a new thing? Did you know your dp would be upset?

I don't think you're compatible. You shouldn't have to give up something important, he shouldn't be being traumatised by you or anything you're doing.

You should give up your religion because it causes your dh trauma? Not sure that all makes sense without a bit more context to be honest

What faith is it?

It's common for spouses to feel very threatened by a spouse's new-found faith.

But yes, you do need to give more context imo.

huh ?

The situation is as I've described. It's not about whether SIBU or I am or anything like that. Just want you all to tell me I'm a selfish cunt to make me do this thing I can't do.

Unless I should allow her to suffer? That can't be the right answer.

Common or garden C of E not crazy

could you stop speaking in riddles, you might get more constructive help

I think you may have posted about this before?
You have never actually said though how or why it upsets her? Has your behaviour changed? In general or towards her?
She likes a lie in on Sunday's and you want to go to church?
I think if you give us more details on her thoughts, we could better advise?

Readings, why do you feel it's your sole responsibility to decide what to do? Have you talked to your DP about how important your faith it, and what it is that causes them trauma? If they are suffering why haven't they decided that it's too much?

You can't write either your faith or your relationship off without even trying to get to the root of the problem & trying to sort it out together.

No one can/should tell you that you're selfish until you say a bit more about what the actual problem is.
If it's something like you have started going to church every Sunday, then there is room for negotiation, but if it's more extreme, then it may be a deal breaker for you both.

Are you neglecting your family or doing anything that goes against her principles?
If she hates religion, then she should choose what to do. People should respect each other's beliefs, even if they don't agree with them. although I'd dump a creationist right away Or leave them.

It looks like, ultimately, both of you need to decide what's more important for each or find a way to compromise.

So you've found religious faith and your DP is a devout atheist? Or has a different faith? There are many couples where that is the case and they carry on together quite happily - it's just one of the many compromises you make in a relationship. Does it have to be quite so traumatic?

Hang on a minute, just registered your thread title. You're not actually bashing her with it are you? Re 'saving'? Oh dear, don't do that if so!

Dang irritating how opaque you're being though op.

Take a big breath and try and explain without the dramatics or start again when you're sober.

Are you praying for her and she doesn't want you to?

Does the "save" in your title mean "from Hell and damnation" at all? Because that would be fucking irritating.

My dsis is Born Again and I'm sure she'd love to "save" my atheist arse, but she's polite enough not to try.

And of course, part of her salvation will be submitting to her dh etc. How convenient for OP.

She should ltb.

It's not about practicalities, you don't need to know why she's traumatised by it, she just is. I should give up the religion and make it go away.

You can't save anyone else from themselves and it's not your remit to attempt to do so.

If you want to nail yourself to your own or any other cross you are free to do so, but don't expect others to approve or applaud what you're doing to yourself of your own volition.

Your life = your choice. Their life = their choice. And you are best advised to avoid throwing stones if you live in a glass house.

I think you can only get vague answers with this much information.

So if your new faith is something you believe then you cannot 'unbelieve' it. Then if it is the practicing of a religion that is causing pain, imo, you need to be clear about what you cannot do without, and the rest. For example some things in religions are cultural, or community based, or nice but not necessary for all, so you could compromise in these areas.

This isn't up to you.

This is something you have to talk about as a couple. If this matters to you, she has to recognise that. If it causes her distress, you need to recognise that. But whether she leaves or you leave or you can work through it and stay together it is something you have to talk through until you reach decision point.