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Original poster

OD at 42; but where are all the 42 year old men?

130 replies

PattyCakes · 31/08/2015 11:27

Busy looking at the profiles of 32 year old women, apparently....

Ok, so I'm one year on from exiting a 16 year relationship and ready to get back into dating. I'm a well-preserved 42. My experience of OD so far has been to attract nudges,winks, whatever from men well into their 50s.

Why do men seem to want/expect women a decade younger than them? I just want to meet men around my own age

I don't think it's a good idea to lie about anything when OD, but I really am tempted to fib about my age as I just feel invisible saying I'm over 40!

Any thoughts, or experiences to share? I am about to give up!

Thanks

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 01/09/2015 18:03

Tinder is a hookup site (or certainly the vast majority of users think it is) so you are going to get far less genuine interest on there than I think you would on a more "mainstream" site.

I have found OKCupid okay as a free one and I do really like the personality quiz aspect of it (so you can check you're not making a date with a UKIP supporter ) You could also try Guardian Soulmates etc, although I've heard it's very London-centric. Classic FM dating will mainly be older guys. POF seems to be more full of men looking for one-nighters.

A lot does depend on your area too, I think. If you're in a more rural area you're naturally going to have a lot less choice than if you're in a big city.

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 18:21

So PattyCakes, what's your age range? I've put four years younger & six years older as my cut off. YOu have to draw the line somewhere. Also, I don't really want a man who's significantly younger either! The one guy I've managed to drag out on a date is 5 years older than I am, and that seemed to go ok. So maybe in a few weeks I'll send messages to some more 49 year olds. I can't be bothered at the moment. More fun bitching and moaning here!

frankbough · 01/09/2015 18:33

I like that joke, having fun with your profile makes it more interesting rather than reading like the bibliography of a text book..

lighteningirl · 01/09/2015 18:41

Stop worrying early forties onwards was fantastic for me dating wise lots of men coming back on the dating scene having had kids /looking for a new love who has had kids already it gets better and better. I dated much more and with men looking for ltr in my forties than ever in my thirties. Met dh when I was mid forties he'd just come out of a bad marriage so a fair bit of baggage but we all have that forty plus all my long term single friends hooked up mid forties (bar one and she is holding out for God knows what)

Original poster

PattyCakes · 01/09/2015 18:44

Only Tinder at the moment, Blossom. It's very mainstream nowadays and actually gives women a refreshing degree of control over who is able to message them.

GSM I found takes itself rather seriously and was the worst for the age bias I am talking about and Match was not great in my area.

So open to any suggestions. Thought maybe OKcupid?

OP posts:

Original poster

PattyCakes · 01/09/2015 18:49

My age range for searches is generally 5 years above, 5 years below, UrbaneFox. Realistically though, I tend to disregard the late 30s as being too young, so I probably only seriously consider 40 to 47.

OP posts:

Afterthestorm · 01/09/2015 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 20:53

frankb I agree with Pattycakes, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with her profile. I'm going to confess to something now which is a bit odd but call it research.... I wanted to see what other women were writing on their profiles, so I registered (obviously I didn't pay) as a man looking for a woman as well as my real profile. And, otherwise using the same search criteria my male alter ego got 200 matches! Me, the real one, the one who is really looking for a date, I got 40. I was shocked at the disparity there. It really is a man's game. Unfortunately, back in my real profile, the site keeps telling me that that fake guy is my perfect match (well, I just raced through the compatibility test and gave virtually all the same answers, so 'he' is my perfect match)

you gorra larf

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 20:53

So, really, it was only 39 matches I had!

pocketsaviour · 01/09/2015 21:10

Fox that's astonishing - was that on match.com?

Do you think it's that there are 3-4 times as many women on the site as men, then? Or do you think it could be skewed e.g. women more likely to have kids at home and therefore not fit criteria?

pocketsaviour · 01/09/2015 21:22

I just tried a similar thing.

I have an old Match.com account from ages ago, never filled in profile or uploaded a photo. Actually think I created it to check up on my ex

Anyway I set my criteria to a 10-year age range around my age (I'm 42, I set it as 36-46). Looking for men within 20 miles of my old postcode, who don't smoke, and who have an income of at least 25k/year. Got 336 results.

Then just set up a brand new profile of a male, same postcode and age as my "real" one. Used the same search critieria but only got 165 women!

So clearly in that area (East Mids) the men far outnumber the women.

Although a lot of the profile photos look like they could have accompanied a local news story starting with the words "Neighbours said he was a quiet man..."

Trills · 01/09/2015 21:44

ArcheryAnnie I love XKCD and thank you for reminding me of that one.

MadeMan · 01/09/2015 21:46

"I am nearly 50 and get lots of attention from men aged 19 -55, lots in the their 40's."

I thought you had found someone, Blossom? You back on OLD again then?

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 22:44

Pocketsaviour, I'd be afraid to say what site it is now that I've said my location and my age! I'll pm you.

Sazzle41 · 06/09/2015 22:46

Do they have to be exact same age as you tho? I would go for late 40's at your age, as they are past wanting the trophy 28yr old by then too. The number of 40'sh men househunting with the new 28yr old trophy gf when i was in Lettings was depressing.

I am 46 but changed my profile to 40 on advice of work colleagues who all internet date and said i looked late thirties anyway. I am now seeing a 53 yr old who is definitely not ready for his pipe/slippers - and ok with my real age too.

ClaudiaNaughton · 07/09/2015 08:29

pocket "Neighbours said he was a quiet man...."

UrbaneFox · 07/09/2015 11:51

I've just been on POF and although luckily there are more people in my home town, I had a message from a man whose profile is funny, well-written and he is an engineer, he claims. But in his profile photo he is holding the most enormous gun!! I've heard of a big red flag well this is a big black gun! I might be being too fussy but I couldn't overlook the fact that he saw fit to choose that as the photo he wants people's first impression of him to be! Another man, 47, with a masters, so obviously not unintelligent, he sent me a message saying I looked nice but send more photos. Geez, no chat. Just send MORE photos, so I can JUDGE you. Then he proceeded to send me about 18 selfies. It's hilarious..... You'd nearly forget you were trying to meet somebody. It's just like having your nose pressed up against the window of human vanity, fragility and insanity!

UrbaneFox · 07/09/2015 11:52

Although, a masters is easier than a degree, so I shouldn't assume he's intelligent. Fgs, anybody can do a masters

pocketsaviour · 07/09/2015 14:12

But in his profile photo he is holding the most enormous gun!!

Holy hell, I would run a mile. What kind of person would think "that's what the ladies want, a man who pretends to be some sort of gangster!"? The mind boggles!

Just send MORE photos, so I can JUDGE you.

I get those as well. Like you're a car for sale, and he wants to see you from all angles before he decides to come out and give you a test drive

MadeMan · 07/09/2015 19:42

"But in his profile photo he is holding the most enormous gun!!"

Is it a real gun, or just one of those NERF things that fire foam darts?

UrbaneFox · 08/09/2015 11:28

A real gun. Big. Black. Metal. Scary.

But forget about him! I have a date with a guy who lives the other side of Dublin, so I was a bit, oh well, over before it began hey, but he has said he'll come out and meet me (more my side than the middle). He seems like he'd be good company for one evening. I'd say even if I wanted to, he'd be a hard dog to keep on the porch but I'll just go and enjoy one evening.

There was another guy who had up as his tag line beside his photo "if you show up and you don't look as good as your photo, the first round is on you, and then every round 'til you do look as good as your photo''. So I messaged him to say, "lovely photo, are you lovely, if I showed up and you're not lovely, can I have taxi fare home?''. But he had zero sense of humour. He just said ''how recent is your photo?''. I said, um late May, of this year. He said 'hmm,ok then''. NO sense of humour at all, but so full of himself! he was quite handsome though.

UrbaneFox · 08/09/2015 11:33

ps, I WISH I could attach a photo in an PM! I'd send you both the picture of gun man! he looks like he's an extra in the final scene of breaking bad series 8. That'd probably be breaching some sort of internet dating etiquette though I guess.

pocketsaviour · 08/09/2015 11:49

Oooh, good luck for date :)

Yes it would probably be not the done thing to share gun man's photo!

UrbaneFox · 08/09/2015 11:55

Thanks pocketsaviour. I know the man I'm meeting is a bit fond of himself as well but I think we'd be able to get on well for one evening. NO way would I be expecting to see this guy again. But hey, gets me out of the house.

MadeMan · 08/09/2015 19:34

"But forget about him!"

Okay then.

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