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Original poster

OD at 42; but where are all the 42 year old men?

130 replies

PattyCakes · 31/08/2015 11:27

Busy looking at the profiles of 32 year old women, apparently....

Ok, so I'm one year on from exiting a 16 year relationship and ready to get back into dating. I'm a well-preserved 42. My experience of OD so far has been to attract nudges,winks, whatever from men well into their 50s.

Why do men seem to want/expect women a decade younger than them? I just want to meet men around my own age Confused

I don't think it's a good idea to lie about anything when OD, but I really am tempted to fib about my age as I just feel invisible saying I'm over 40!

Any thoughts, or experiences to share? I am about to give up!

Thanks

OP posts:
postmanpatscat · 31/08/2015 15:11

I was in exactly the same situation. I got fed up of being contacted by men nearer my dad's age than mine. Few were close to my age, then after a few months on Lovestruck I made contact with a guy aged 46, 4 years older than me. We have now been together for almost five years.

niceupthedance · 31/08/2015 15:21

I was a few years younger than my real age (so, late thirties) on my profile. I respond to contact from men in their early 40s. I always go on the date and reveal my real age then. I have found most of them have some fibs of their own on their profile...

I'm having a long break from OLD, it is truly depressing.

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 15:29

Pattycakes, I know what you mean about men having a preconceived idea about a woman of 42 or 45 looks like. I did a first aid course recently and the guy who ran it was close to my age and he didn't ask me out on a DATE but he was very friendly and a bit flirty and so yeh, the sound of the number 45 is terrifying to a man but in real life, you're not yet invisible. So although it's hard to meet men in real life, it's easier if you click with somebody because they don't have a number in their head putting them off you. They see you and your age is secondary whereas it's completely the other way around on the internet.

i do agree with twinklestein though, what men want and what men get is completely different. I've a friend who is a couple of years older than I am, he's 47 or 48 I think and he gave up on on line dating because he couldn't get women of 33-37 to go out with him. This was what he had planned. He gave up and he's still single.

springalong · 31/08/2015 15:36

I am 50 but have a primary school age child. As part of my divorce I will have to return to work for the next 10-15 years. All I get are messages from men in their 50's talking about grandchildren, retirement, travel, holidays etc. Most seem to be a different generation to me. I set my age boundaries as 5 years older, 5 years younger. Like some of you I thought it would help with cultural references. I'll keep going!

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 15:42

I did online dating a few years ago and it's actually quite tricky deciding where to draw the age line. I went with 10 years younger, but I did wonder whether I should have selected 15 in case there was a compatible woman 11 years younger that wouldn't have shown up when using the 10 years younger limit.

In the end I got fed up having to make definite choices on all the different criteria with online dating and so I just reset it all and went with simply looking at all the women in a 15 mile radius regardless of their ages, salaries, or interests.

I hate reducing people into "must be this and must be that" boxes.

BobbinThreadbare · 31/08/2015 15:46

I always think about that 'Midlife ex-wife' article series in Gerudian. I can't don't want to believe there are that many pathetic men.....

SomeonesRealName · 31/08/2015 15:49

dadwashere I suspect things have changed a great deal in decades - all these tropes about milfs and cougars and yummy mummies in modern culture are not something I remember seeing in the 90s.

Quite a few guys my own age are trying to recruit two women for a threesome actually. I've had a few conversations end at the point where I've said I wouldn't be up for that!

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 15:54

mademan can I ask, did you get many positive (as in, keen to meet up, and then keen to meet up a second time) responses from women ten whole years younger? what age (or how many years younger than you were) was the most responsive to your profile.

Just trying to figure out if men who've been on line dating a while will after a while bring the age band back up closer to their own.

someonesrealname geez, I think some guys are looking for free prostitutes.

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 15:57

The within 15 miles is probably the most sensible! A couple of times I've got an email exchange going and I think, this guy is normal, maybe we could meet up and it turns out he lives 80 miles away. Not possible to divide up any more precisely unfortunately.

Original poster
PattyCakes · 31/08/2015 15:57

I would say I was an attractive and reasonably confident person, but blimey OD has been crushing! Sad

OP posts:
MadeMan · 31/08/2015 15:57

"Quite a few guys my own age are trying to recruit two women for a threesome actually."

OD at 42; but where are all the 42 year old men?
UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 15:58

How long have you been doing it Patty?

It has taken me 8 years to get my mojo back. I don't want to hand it over to strangers.

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 15:59

Well, I've been fine for years. It hasn't taken me 8 years. But the big split was 8 years ago. When I was 37 with two tiny children I'd ahve got more responses even though I was a basket case!

LikeIcan · 31/08/2015 15:59

Just asked dh ( age 52 ) what age range he'd be looking for if he suddenly found himself single. He said between 35 & 40 ( he'd be lucky Grin )

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 15:59

@Urbane - No, the youngest woman I went out on a date with from online dating was 4 years younger than myself. She was 32 (unless she was fibbing about her real age). Smile

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 16:03

Right. Thanks. Brew So it's not like you were inundated with positive responses from women ten years your junior?

I know you can't help me here but I'd like to be able to ask the same question of a 46 year old. And a 56 year old!

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 16:05

"So it's not like you were inundated with positive responses from women ten years your junior? "

To be honest, I wasn't inundated with positive responses from women generally. Smile

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 16:05

LikeICan tell him to sign up, message a load of women in that age bracket and see how many positive responses he gets from women (I'd like to do a chart linking success to the age gap) That'd be useful for me.

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 16:05
Wine

Please!?

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 16:07

Aw, Mademan! where were you going wrong! Were you sending women pictures of yourself in the cockpit of your tractor with a message "hlo, howzit goin loike".

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 16:08

Maybe I shouldn't have ruled out that guy.......

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 16:13

"where were you going wrong!"

I don't know. I had some lovely pictures on my profile of me leaning against the front of a BMW with my knob out and holding up a big fish next to the ex-wife.

LikeIcan · 31/08/2015 16:25

Crikey UrbaneFox don't tempt him, he'd probably get lucky & leave! Grin

JasmineBuckles · 31/08/2015 16:29

I'm OLD at the moment. I'm 31. I'm currently seeing someone who's 42, however I do have a huge thing for older men.
I just asked him what his age criteria were, he said 25-35, because he doesn't have any kids and would like them. Also, from my own experience, if they're successful, solvent and have all the associated material things, they feel they're entitled to a much younger woman.

SoleBizzzz · 31/08/2015 16:41

Made Grin my perfect man

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