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Original poster

OD at 42; but where are all the 42 year old men?

130 replies

PattyCakes · 31/08/2015 11:27

Busy looking at the profiles of 32 year old women, apparently....

Ok, so I'm one year on from exiting a 16 year relationship and ready to get back into dating. I'm a well-preserved 42. My experience of OD so far has been to attract nudges,winks, whatever from men well into their 50s.

Why do men seem to want/expect women a decade younger than them? I just want to meet men around my own age Confused

I don't think it's a good idea to lie about anything when OD, but I really am tempted to fib about my age as I just feel invisible saying I'm over 40!

Any thoughts, or experiences to share? I am about to give up!

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
PattyCakes · 31/08/2015 17:12

Been OD 4 months and out of that I've had two coffee dates and a snog. Grin.

Actually, I get much more attention in RL (like you on your first aid course Urbane) but I live in a small town and just don't meet many men, at least not single ones!

OP posts:
MultiShirker · 31/08/2015 18:47

The men in their 40s who go for 25-33 year olds are a bit pathetic. They can't cope with a relationship with someone their own age, imo, because they don't really think of women as their equals.

LoveAGoodRummage · 31/08/2015 18:52

How odd Multi that's exactly what I said to DP! However, I do know two couples with approximately 20years between them and it seems to work. No hard and fast rules.

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 19:19

jasmine be careful, entitlement is a terrible trait in a man. Even if now, you are the young woman he feels entitled to, later, when you have children, he'll be feeling 'entitled' to do no childcare, no housework....

Pattycakes, I was hoping that it would make me more 'approachable' in real life. Or summit. For such a long time, in my head, there was no humiliation bigger than for people to know (or even suspect) that you liked a man like that. So I made sure that nobody ever knew I liked them (even if I did). Brilliant plan huh!?

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 19:24

mademan it is amazing how many men's pictures are of them self beside a vehicle of some description! fancy car, motorcycle, like I said tractor , one guy, on a vespa I think but because the photos are blurry until they're released, it looked like he was on one of those mobility scooters!!! he probably thought he looked like a lover di tutte cose italiani......

Nevergoingtolearn · 31/08/2015 19:31

I'm in my early 30's and most of the men that look at my OD profile are in their early 40's, so yes, most are probably looking at younger women but that doesn't mean they are going to get a younger woman.

MadeMan · 31/08/2015 19:43

"it looked like he was on one of those mobility scooters!!!"

They can half shift on the pavement though; probably be quite agile coming down the Grin

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 19:51

That's true, the drivers are like BMW drivers. Get out of my way or lose a limb buddy! I think my Dad wanted to drive that in an Austin Allegro and my Mum wouldn't let him. Oh poor men! but at least we're all still alive 30 years later

gaafan · 31/08/2015 19:52

I think there is a problem with OD as opposed to RL in that it encourages people to think in terms of parameters. Like when I was first looking for a job and everyone seemed to want a fluent Japanese speaker with an astrophysics degree and extensive experience of Ukrainian line dancing. Noone but noone I know in RL says "well tonight I am going to look to meet a 25-35 year old woman with a gluten intolerance" no they go to the pub and see what happens. I am early 30s and my last partner was 13 year older. I wouldn't have swapped our 2 years of memories together for all the tea in China. There are mostly 40 something men at my work and the unmarried/divorced guys are all saying they want to meet women of their own age. Some may value fecundity hence the sub 40 thing but not all by any means. So I hope you don't lose heart my friend.

Twinklestein · 31/08/2015 19:54

There's a whole lot of things some men think they're entitled to, and it's all bollocks.

A 42 year old is not likely to interest a 25 year old unless he's really wealthy, as Jasmine's seems to have discovered and is now dating a 31 year old.

Soveryupset · 31/08/2015 20:04

Hey my brother met his partner online dating - DH reminded me he was 35 and she was 41 - so there is hope out there!!

On the other hand, I just asked DH who is 51 what age would he go for and his answer was "wouldn't go over 35" - and I am only 43 anyway grrrr men....(ps and he wouldn't want any children as we have four!!!!).

Twinklestein · 31/08/2015 21:05

And he would find pdq that 35 year old women don't want 51 year olds with 4 kids...

The self-deception gene is strong.

Soveryupset · 31/08/2015 22:15

I know, I think he was tongue and cheek..Grin

UrbaneFox · 31/08/2015 22:44

Indeed Twinklestein. I wouldn't encourage a partner to be so deluded. I'm mean, I wouldn't say 'if I dump you nobody will have you' but saying "I won't go under 35" as though the choice is entirely his! Delusional indeed.

I'm 45 and he's almost too old for me. And the four kids would definitely make me send him to room 101 if he were on a dating site. But then! The usual rules don't apply if he's devastatingly handsome with the body of a professional swimmer and the charisma of a much younger richard branson. Does that sound like him?

Original poster
PattyCakes · 01/09/2015 10:13

Is that him? In which case, take me, I'm only 42!

OP posts:
MadeMan · 01/09/2015 10:23

"...and the charisma of a much younger richard branson."

I've not heard of this dating requirement before. Grin

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 11:38

Well, that wouldn't be my type, but I think some women who haven't had the painful experience of life with an entitled wealthy man believe it's a good thing..............

Now, what do I do today folks? Checked my inbox and there's a message from an artist, 53. Too old for me. I'm not feeling it. The guy I went on a date with last Friday has checked my profile again but hasn't suggested going OUT again. Not that I'm bothered, even though we had a good time it would feel a bit forced to go out again so soon. I'd need a fortnight to think about it. (And I liked him, but, ykwim).

So the artist. The 53 year old artist. that means unemployed but dresses badly and has a paintbrush

juneau · 01/09/2015 11:54

Does no one meet in RL any more? I've been off the dating scene for more than a decade, but as an outsider looking in on the whole OD thing I cannot see the attraction. Okay, yes, so I get that you open up your pool of dating to anyone and everyone and lots of people who you wouldn't otherwise meet - but surely the most important thing about dating is chemistry and how the hell do you judge that from a photo and what seems generally to amount to a bunch of lies from a load of people sitting behind computer screens projecting the image of themselves that they want others to see.

If I ever find myself single again I think I'd avoid OD like the plague. I like to see someone, smell them, let my lizard brain assess them. Who has the time and energy to trawl through all those profiles and them meet up with people who they probably won't fancy in the flesh? Because in RL the most unlikely people pair up and find happiness, but with everyone setting their 'ideal criteria' they immediately weed out masses of people with whom they might be brilliantly suited.

MadeMan · 01/09/2015 11:57

"Too old for me... I'm not feeling it... unemployed... dresses badly."

I think you've summed him up pretty well here.

Having said that though, he might paint you a pretty picture that you could trade in for a pint of Belgian lager.

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 12:28

I just had a look back at the mere forty men I was matched with. I discarded a few initially because they had said something ignorant or offensive in their profiles (eg ''no bunny boilers please''). Of the ones remaining, about five have messaged me and I really couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to reply. I've messaged about five who felt the same about me. Some live in Carlow or Kilkenny which is too far from Dublin. I feel like I've worked my way through forty men! I don't even feel tired, or shabby :-p
that one date I went on last friday cost me 80 euro I guess.

DarkNavyBlue · 01/09/2015 12:40

I am 44 and have just started seeing a fella I met online who is 42. So they do exist!

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 12:41
Wine
MorrisZapp · 01/09/2015 12:54

I'm in a relationship but OLD fascinates me. I feel I missed out as it wasn't invented in my day.

My question is, when you put a photo up, do you put one that makes you look awesome (but potentially hard to live up to in real life) or one that's a bit more honest but maybe not as attractive?

UrbaneFox · 01/09/2015 13:01

I've gone for photos that are the best but the best of three. I haven't got professional shots and I definitely wouldn't feel like I was duping anybody with the photos I've put up!

Morriszapp, if you lived near me, for the craic, it'd be great if I could give you a list of five men (including the artist) and get you to check them out for me.

Original poster
PattyCakes · 01/09/2015 13:07

Artist could mean 'former investment banker now post 50 and expressing his creative side'. You never know....

I totally agree with Jeanau, sometimes - when merrily swiping left to almost every man on Tinder - I wonder how many of them I would actually really get on with in RL.

But probably not the one who said in his profile, 'swipe left if you like cats and right if you like dogs' I mean, wtf?!

I like cats Angry

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