Complicated (or possibly not!) situation with emotionally abusive, whining, generally pathetic H ...and I can't seem to see the forest for the trees right now. I've posted about him loads, he ticks so many 'abuser' boxes, looking back over how our relationship evolved there were red flags waving everywhere but I never thought it was his fault, only mine for not trying hard enough.
In a nutshell: I worked basically full time while the DCs were young, stopped at his suggestion when oldest started A levels (as he said it would be All My Fault if the DCs didn't do well, only one chance etc) which was fine as he was earning plenty of money. DCs have done great. But our relationship gradually deteriorated with me 'not working' (I had to be on call all the time to do things for him) and even though he would constantly berate me for NOT working, saying he didn't see what I did all day, insults like 'never done a days work' he was furious when I got a job without asking him 2 years ago when youngest started uni. He'd done his best to convince me I was unemployable, too old, wrong qualifications, etc, I got a job with no effort whatsoever. A lowly job, but interesting and in my field, all the same, and a great experience.
Sorry this isn't really a nutshell! We had a major incident just after I started working (will try to find the link to remind myself as I had a thread going at the time but in the end I brushed it under the carpet). H continued to belittle and make fun of my job, always said the name of where I was working with a sneer, assumed I could run errands for him while at work, called and texted constantly, often over 50 times times in a day. Work people were wonderful and tolerated my bad timekeeping (and often tears) but I always knew I would eventually have to move on to a new position one day as the work was short term contract. Basically, I kept everything together, afraid to topple what was/is a house of cards.
A month ago I realised my contract was coming to an end so put my cv in with an agency. I immediately got an interview and a job offer for a fantastic job. I accepted. I told H. Not a lot but I did tell him as a statement of fact that I'd done it. He NEVER asked any details and I never offered any. He acknowledged by text I'd got a job ('lets celebrate' when he wanted my to go to a function in town with him) so he can't say he didn't know. As expected, when he found out I am starting Tuesday he's alternatively furious and begging me not to take it. If you're wondering why I have stayed with him- he earns more money than I ever could. He just put the equivalent of a years wages for me into our joint account. And my work has never been stable, probably because of him for a large part.
He says he just doesn't see why I want to work, why I don't want to 'be a wife' to him...it's really pathetic, isn't it? Tbh we can certainly use the extra money I bring in, we have no pensions set up so need to focus on saving for the next 10 years (I am 50) and it's not time to start spending down our assets.
So...this morning I've had him on the phone begging me not to take the job. How pathetic is that. There's an additional complication in that we may be selling our house, he'd assumed that we'd move into our weekend place which would mean a hellish commute for me to new job, I'd assumed if the sale went through I'd rent. By myself. Now is the time to get out...right? I keep hesitating and I could totally screw things up if I get this wrong. For a lot of people. House people, job people (will be distraught if I don't turn up!), plus I've left other job now. I feel strangely calm but am worried he's going to turn psychopath if I don't pretend to be going along with him.