I have turned into an abuser.

[scaredimlosingit]

NC for this.

About 9 months ago I found out my H was having an emotional affair. This really destroyed me, but what has made the matter much much worse is that I have become so angry.

We have been trying to work things out between us but every now and then I get so mad at him that I hit him. A week ago I threw my iPad at him and it went straight through his lip. I didn't mean for it to do that obviously, but I know that that is not the point and is no excuse.

My H doesn't want me/him to leave, he seems to not even be bothered about the hitting. And it's not just slapping, it's big punches to his face, crotch, stomach. I hit him so hard I got a bruise on my knuckles. In the past week I have got a bit better and if I feel like hitting him then I say that he needs to get away from me or I will hit him, so there has been no violence since the iPad incident which was last Tues. But me saying that he needs to get away from me or I'll hit him is a form of abuse in itself.

This is not like me at all, before this happened I never hated anyone, never hit a single person in my life. I know that even though the sexes are reversed from the norm that this is still domestic violence, and I'm disgusted with myself. I am due to see a counsellor next week who I hope will help me deal with my anger but I worry that I'm irredeemably broken now.

Does anyone have any experience of either abusers (or themselves as abusers) coming back from this and becoming 'normal' - for want of a better word - again?

My, there are some nutters on this thread.

I can understand how angry the OP must feel towards her husband - but she clearly lacks the means to process this anger in an appropriate or constructive way.

Hitting people is never a good idea, whether male on female, or female on male (although rationally we have to acknowledge the risks of injury from the latter are much less).

The OP has wisely left, and I'd suggest she gets help to find a way of dealing with her anger and/or moving on from it and her marriage.

Worth saying that children need a Mum and Dad though - so OP should be encouraged to maintain that relationship, and not to think that she is defined by her lapse into inappropriate behaviour forevermore.

Hitting people is never a good idea, whether male on female, or female on male (although rationally we have to acknowledge the risks of injury from the latter are much less).

What? The risk of a woman injuring a man is less than that of a man injuring a woman?

Did you read the ops posts? Where she split his lip with an ipad? Or how she hits him so hard her hands are often bruised?

My mind boggles at your statement.

Icouldbesogoodforyou Great post

Thumbwitch ... and if that's how you work, labelling your clients. then I consider that your own attitude could be counterproductive.
I didn't she did and she has taken the first step towards change which I commended her on.
I work and have help set up DV support groups for both victim and perpetrator so hopefully I've not been counterproductive.

OP if you are still reading good luck on your journey of change, if you really want to turn things around you can.