Agreed Metallic - I won't be surprised if this thread is used sometime in the future by a knobber from one of those organisations.
Violence is violence and abuse is abuse. It's not about labelling or giving the OP a hard time, she recognised she had become an abuser and she's getting help. I think it's great and I admire her for having that self - awareness and doing something about it. I hope she gets the help she needs.
But the virtual sending of flowers and sympathy and assertions that you're not an abuser OP and the suggestion that her violence is in some way an expected/natural/understandable response to her pain is potentially really damaging.
There's a huge difference between understanding someone as an individual, their journey and their behaviour and minimising or explaining away their behaviour.
The OP very honestly and courageously admitted to severe violence and controlling behaviour. And 'get away or I'll hit you' is controlling, it's saying whatever you're doing is making me want to hit you - therefore putting the responsibility on the victim and threatening violence. So the victim feels like they are walking on eggshells, that there are certain behaviours they need to avoid to prevent further violence. The OP isn't a terrible person but she is an abuser and has done the best thing and most insightful thing by leaving.
I've worked in MH with many male perpetrators of domestic violence. The overwhelming majority of them grew up witnessing or experiencing DV or experiencing other forms of abuse.
I understood why they became angry, insecure and abusive adults. That doesn't mean I could ever give them the message that they hadn't become abusers themselves and that as adults, they have to take responsibility for their behaviour -particularly when it involves inflicting pain on another person. The OP was doing that and I commend her for it.
I think there's an idea sometimes that abusers have a cynical plot to abuse other people because it's who they are or they enjoy it in some way.
I've met a few who did. Literally a few. But most of the one's I've met were fucked up people who fucked up other people. And I've met many male offenders who described a scenario like the OP, a long relationship with no violence until an infidelity or emotional betrayal and their pain, confusion or rage resulted in violence.
And as a society we have to have a bottom line where being violent towards another person is never acceptable or understandable regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or the physical strength of them.
Offering support to the OP to get the help she needs is very different to some of the responses on this thread.
And I know that MN often objects to people saying 'but if it was a man...' and sometimes it's a bullshit derailment of a thread but in this case it's valid. I don't think anyone hearing a man punched his DP who had emotionally betrayed him in the face and vagina till they bruised their own hands or threw heavy objects in their face would be offered virtual flowers or assurances that they're not an abuser.
OP - you have a huge amount of insight into your behaviour and you've done the right thing. That will stand you in good stead in having therapy. I don't think you're broken, I don't think there's no way back if you're willing to work on and understand yourself. Take care.