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Original poster

New man lied

96 replies

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/08/2015 11:34

I've been seeing a man for a couple of months. Like many men he struggles to stay hard with a condom on. I'm on the pill anyway so suggested we get tested and bin the condoms.
He called me yesterday and said he went to a walk in clinic and got tested. He said he got his results and it was all clear.
I told him that they don't usually give results on same day, and asked him what he was tested for. He didn't know. I asked if he had a blood test, he said yes. He then said he doesn't have HIV because he gives blood every month Hmm I also pointed out that they make you wait 4 months between donations.

Today I called the clinic he said he went to. They do have a sexual health drop in but they don't usually provide any results on the same day, and if they do it would only be chlamydia and the rest take 2-3 weeks to come back.

I'm disappointed and annoyed. I think I know what comes next but I'm annoyed about it, and annoyed that he treated me like a mug. I don't know whether he went and just tried to bullshit me about the results or never went at all.

He wasn't going to be the great love of my life or anything but I like him.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 28/08/2015 11:36

Oh dear. Still - best you found out now that he's an irresponsible liar with no concern for your health, than a few months down the line when you'd invested time in him.

Chin up, dump, block, onto pastures new! Brew

mrstweefromtweesville · 28/08/2015 11:36

I'd like him a whole lot less after that.

category12 · 28/08/2015 11:44

Ugh. Dump. That's just grim. It's the lying, but also being perfectly happy to put your sexual health at risk, and being prepared to ignore agreements between you for his own convenience. Nope.

Tiggeryoubastard · 28/08/2015 11:46

Oh god no. What an absolute twat. No respect for you or himself. I wouldn't touch him with someone else's barge pole. Urgh.

goodcompany2 · 28/08/2015 11:48

A pointless and stupid lie, which makes him an unreliable idiot. Don't give him another chance. Trust is now gone. Wish I'd dumped my exH lying arse over the small stuff and i would have avoided suffering through the inevitable big lies to follow.

Red flags flying high. Sorry.

TheRadiantAerynSun · 28/08/2015 11:50

What a bizarre thing to do Confused Is it really that hard just to get the tests and wait.

Some people are weird.

I'd be thankful I'd found out he was a bellend this early.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/08/2015 12:00

What an idiot. His loss.

My last 2 sexual partners had no problem skipping to the clinic when I asked. Round here you get results by text after 5-7 days, and they both showed me the text without me asking.

There are good people out there.

Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/08/2015 12:20

Yeah. It's not just the lie, but the violation basically. Seemingly he's happy to have unprotected sex without having a clear test result despite knowing that that is my condition. It's close to non Consensual actually.

OP posts:
category12 · 28/08/2015 12:30

Yeah, I absolutely see it as a violation and a big lie, not a little one. Agreeing to someone's terms of engagement and then just ignoring those agreements and lying about it: well, it doesn't bode well for any future. Keeping faith with someone is important.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/08/2015 12:55

Goodness, yes it's a massive violation, thought that went without saying sorry.

He thinks it's fine to lie to you.
He thinks you're not smart enough to know how STI tests or donating blood works.
He is happy to play fast and loose with both your and his health.
He wants to deceive you into consenting to sex with him against your conditions.

I'd say end things, without getting angry about it at him but clearly/calmly explaining the reason why (the lie) and what it means (lack of respect, trust, health, consent).

Sorry this one was such a loser OP.

LemonPied · 28/08/2015 12:58

I'd be fucking fuming if someone lied like that to me.
He's essentially lied to you so he doesn't have to wear a condom regardless of the risks it might subject you to.
Complete lack of respect or basic human consideration demonstrated by him fantastically.
Sack him off. The fucking prick.

FluffyPersian · 28/08/2015 16:29

My sisters Husband lied to her about it... she only found out 5 years later.

He said he'd had one... then 5 years later he went to get his first tattoo and said 'Isn't it funny I could get a tattoo but didn't get the blood test a few years back?' Turns out he faked the NHS text...

.. Oh... and he gave her genital warts.

But hey, she's still with him and they've got a baby (which he does nothing with and his lack of effort meant my poor sister got severe PND)

'Cos it's worse letting your child come from a 'broken home' than to leave a selfish, lying twat of a man don'tchaknow? Hmm

End of rant.

(God I hate him)

Hassled · 28/08/2015 16:33

I'd be more than "disappointed and annoyed" - I'd be really hurt/angry. He can't be arsed to make sure that sex will be safe, thus putting you at risk, and is prepared to lie about it. He's not a good man.

ImperialBlether · 28/08/2015 16:36

I would assume he had something like warts or herpes to hide, tbh.

Horrible way to treat someone. Let us know what his excuse is when you dump him.

adiposegirl2 · 28/08/2015 21:35

His actions had me in stitches! Gosh, the lengths some men will go to at the prospect of condom-less sex

The next man you choose to have condom-less sex with, I suggest you both go to the clinic together but put each others phone number on the others form so you get his results and he gets yours.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/08/2015 23:31

Aw, is it just me that thinks adiposegirl's idea is kinda romantic?

ImperialBlether · 28/08/2015 23:35
Grin
Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/08/2015 23:35

Haha not romantic at all! Quite sensible though.
I haven't spoken to him, Facebook says he has lost his phone. Maybe he will never get my number back...?

OP posts:
Casmama · 28/08/2015 23:47

Sounds lazy, selfish, entitled and totallydisrespectful. I'm sorry you liked him but I think you're right- this is all about trust. You get to the stage where you trust someone else will not be fucking anyone else for the foreseeable therefore if they are disease free now then unprotected sex is acceptable - if they can lie about that test and deceive you then you could never trust anything else. Also the giving blood monthly is not only a lie but an attempt to build a positive image of themselves that would really worry me.

Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/09/2015 15:25

Right so he has got back in touch as he has a new phone. I have not contacted him for 6 days and in my head have already dumped him! I realise I have to do it and tell him why, do I have to call him?! I know he will try to argue and probably gaslight me. I hate dumping people. I just want to text delete and block!!

OP posts:
thehypocritesoaf · 02/09/2015 15:37

You don't have to explain why. Just text and say something like, sorry things have changed for me and I don't want a relationship. Good luck.

Tiggeryoubastard · 02/09/2015 15:41

Don't forget, you didn't like him, you liked someone that doesn't exist.

Original poster
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/09/2015 15:43

Oh no I'm not sad about it! I just don't want to have an awkward conversation. And I do want to tell him why! He tried to bullshit me. I just want to know if it's acceptable to dump by text after a 2 month thing? Not that we saw each other much, only 5 times but we were in a lot of contact.

OP posts:
category12 · 02/09/2015 15:50

If you were mostly in contact by text, I think it's absolutely fine to dump by text. Who needs an awkward conversation with a bullshitter?

biffyboom · 02/09/2015 15:50

Tell him after not hearing from him for 6 days, you guessed he wasn't interested anymore, as clearly he could have been keeping contact with you if he had access to Facebook.
Or just ignore him, he's clearly a knob.