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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

New man lied

96 replies

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/08/2015 11:34

I've been seeing a man for a couple of months. Like many men he struggles to stay hard with a condom on. I'm on the pill anyway so suggested we get tested and bin the condoms.
He called me yesterday and said he went to a walk in clinic and got tested. He said he got his results and it was all clear.
I told him that they don't usually give results on same day, and asked him what he was tested for. He didn't know. I asked if he had a blood test, he said yes. He then said he doesn't have HIV because he gives blood every month I also pointed out that they make you wait 4 months between donations.

Today I called the clinic he said he went to. They do have a sexual health drop in but they don't usually provide any results on the same day, and if they do it would only be chlamydia and the rest take 2-3 weeks to come back.

I'm disappointed and annoyed. I think I know what comes next but I'm annoyed about it, and annoyed that he treated me like a mug. I don't know whether he went and just tried to bullshit me about the results or never went at all.

He wasn't going to be the great love of my life or anything but I like him.

OP posts:

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/09/2015 21:30

Me too! Onwards and upwards

OP posts:

BeverlyGoldberg · 02/09/2015 21:42

Just read this thread and wanted to say two things: I'm so glad you LTB and I LOVE your username.

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/09/2015 21:53

thanks. I thought it was good!

OP posts:

AyeAmarok · 02/09/2015 22:29

Well done OP. Much respect for you!

cozietoesie · 02/09/2015 22:35

Yes indeed.

You didn't react in the way he expected you to - you were probably supposed to weep gently, and then send him a long text enquiring about all his problems and uncertainties. (Prior to 'giving in'.)

I'd actually lay a reasonable wager that he texts you again shortly.

HelenaDove · 02/09/2015 22:40

Well done OP Hes an entitled lying shit with no respect for your sexual health or even his own and you have handled it with dignity.

I also think hes going to leave it for a bit then text you again with a sob story of how he only did it cos he wants you so much etc etc.

AnyFucker · 02/09/2015 22:54

Impressive

Baconyum · 03/09/2015 01:40

Anyfucker I'm looking forward to your book "how not to put up with shit"

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 03/09/2015 02:06

I sometimes think I need a wristband that says WWAFD (what would anyfucker do)

Baconyum · 03/09/2015 02:09

Love the wristband idea! In MN blue would be a great way of id'ing fellow mners - even better like minded mners

anklebitersmum · 03/09/2015 03:56

In agreement JoysMum and he used the wrong you're. Unforgivable.

I recon there'll be a grovelly text or two before he takes his flaccid self off into the distance though.

Congratulations Obsidian you're well rid of a fibbing toady.

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/09/2015 04:30

His grammar is bad, although I'm reserving judgement as he may be dyslexic. I did reply to the message, a long one about consent and his reply was more self pity. No more contact from me.

OP posts:

rainingsleepingbags · 03/09/2015 06:37

I think it's quite scary and a bit sinister that lied to you about having an STI check done. Yes, maybe he has herpes or whatnot and feels ashamed or embarrassed, but the fact is he could have anything. It's not entirely implausible that he could actually have a serious STI and be trying to intentionally pass it on. Which sounds a bit 'paedophile around every corner' I suppose, but I don't mean it to be. He could very well just be a stupid lazy bastard, but the thought of someone lying about having an STI test just gave me a bit of chill.

All in all, you're well shot of him!

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 03/09/2015 22:18

So, he wasn't being honest, after all. At all. About anything. I'll bet he doesn't even have dyslexia.

I've often thought that bad typing is the halitosis of online dating.

PS: I want a wristband! >holds breath until they're available

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/09/2015 07:40

I'm thinking now about all the things he claimed and wondering if any of them were true! Meh

OP posts:

Fauchelevent · 04/09/2015 12:57

Well done OP! Not only does his willingness to lie about it put you at risk, but also demonstrates his own laissez-faire attitude to his own sexual health. It's a good thing you lay down the law, since he's probably never given a shit what he's riddled with, or who he's infecting.

What is it about some people that'd rather get one off than be responsible about the consequences.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 05/09/2015 07:54

G'wan, Obsidian, you might as well tell us about his other claims. Just a sample. Just the funnier ones. As we're all here anyway....

Dooooo iiittttt. Doooooo iiiittttt

patienceisvirtuous · 05/09/2015 08:17

Lie after lie. He clearly didn't even attempt to have the tests, no appointments my arse.

And he wasn't 'trying to impress you', he was trying to have condom-free sex without the hassle of the tests.

What a liar!

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/09/2015 08:41

Haha ok
He works for a call centre because he hasn't been in this town long and it's the first job he found. He said he also makes money by selling music that he writes.
He writes a lot of poems/lyrics. He said he studied music at university. So plausible. But there is no music equipment at his place at all, he said it's in storage. There was something else he said that made me think about this so called music career but I can't remember what it was.
He also seemed to have a lot of days when he wasn't at work in the last couple of weeks and when I asked how come he said he booked it off for other things that didn't happen. There were a few 'plans' with friends that got 'cancelled' and I'm wondering whether the plans existed in the first place.

OP posts:

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/09/2015 08:42

And whether he still had his job I meant to add.

OP posts:

suzannefollowmyvan · 05/09/2015 09:02

He writes a lot of poems/lyrics
He's a Walter Mitty!

Original poster

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/09/2015 09:10

Maybe!! They were not bad to be honest but he would just read them to me apropos of nothing and expect praise. Annoying.

OP posts:

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 05/09/2015 09:17

WWAFD wristband!

And you rock, op!

suzannefollowmyvan · 05/09/2015 09:26

Having seen the writing skills demonstrated in his text message I find it hard to believe that his lyrics or poetry could be of any merit whatsoever!

OhFuckWhatHaveIDone · 05/09/2015 16:24

The 'trying to impress you I suppose' thing is still pissing me off several days after reading it. There is absolutely nothing impressive about going to get an STI test. How could there be?

'Trying to impress you I suppose' is just one of those phrases that twattish men think will work like some kind of magic dog whistle on women, because they think women are stupid. A woman apparently ultimately wants to think a man wants to impress her, so telling her as much should be enough for her to immediately accept any bad behaviour. Without thinking about it. Because women don't have brains. He said it because he's an arrogant knob who thinks that you a) are really fucking stupid and b) will be so flattered he wants to impress you that you'll immediately let the lying go. Argh!

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