Explain to me the post-break-up "Facebook Block". (men???)

[andreasperks]

Can I jjst get a bit of insight into what the "Facebook Block" thing is all about, having had three men do this to me in less than a year - which I have found a little insulting.

I'm no fool and understand the block function is there for people who are stalking you, people causing you bother or whatever and I do also understand that in some instances "blocking" might be done for the purposes of self protection (ie: I don't want to see your happy posts thanks!)

But if we are talking in terms of grown adult men around the 40 mark, who you have split up with after short relationships, where they are the ones who have ended it......what is the "dump and block" about?

I am reading into it that they are saying...."I am worried that I dumped you and you will take to my Facebook page slagging me off or having a hissy fit in public so I am blocking you to prevent that".

Which I find immensely insulting! I'm a 35 year old professional woman who's never done anything like that in her life.

I can understand maybe not wanting to "stay friends" in which case..."unfriending" is surely adequate? Perhaps done quietly a few days or weks post break up out of politeness? I have done this.

But a block. That feels quite like a slap in the face. Dump and block. Ouch!

Incidentally the three men who have done this blocked me only on Facebook and stayed open with me via all other communication - in fact some continued to text me for a while.

I have plenty of ex boyfriends, serious or otherwise, who are my friends on fcebook and we get on perfectly fine. I never post anything angsty or wash dirty laundry and am a perfctly normal and rational woman.

Any ideas? Does this happen to anyone else?

yes - the point I missed off was that unless you've searched for them, how would you know? The OP's scenario doesn't seem to be one where there are loads of mutual friends with conversations that have missing posts.

If you have searched for them, then that is why they have blocked you.

XPost

Honestly...it read to me as "I am dumping you on facebook, not even going to phone, just in case you don't make a pubic drama I am blocking you".

to me that read that he clearly has (a) a very low opinion of me and what my reactions would be (b) a severely elevated idea how how much of a toss I gave and (c) no interest in me as a human being at all.

So that was why I was upset.

I guess this is what bothers me about Facebook so much. People take it so damn seriously. It was originally intended to be light entertainment. We can agree to disagree. I personally try to display decent manners online and hope others do too, but when they don't I just think "who cares. it's only facebook" and move on.

You're right, saying crap on facebook is the same as slagging me off down the pub, and I'd care as little about that. Because it made him look bad, not me.

I have blocked someone. He would not stop contacting me. Might be harsh but I really wanted to move on and not have him pop up.

The thing is, andrea, he really might have no interest in you.

I find it baffling that I might have an interest in what any of my exes are doing, tbh!

But even if that is the case, it still doesn't matter. Does it?

Am I right in thinking you're under 30? If you are, I suspect you've been using fb for most of your adult life. In which case, it probably dies feel like an extension of real life. And it is, in away. As you say, it's not pretend, and they are real people, but it's a heavily edited version of rl at best.

You seem very concerned with what an ex thinks of you. He's an ex. It's not unreasonable that someone who doesn't want to be with you isn't interested in you and doesn't want you knowing what's going on in their life. It's not whar you'd do, but it is what he's done and it's absolutely fine. As you now know anyway.

Ok, well to me the purpose of facebook is to keep in touch with people and connect people. I think that was also Mark Zuckerberg's purpose in creating it.

The light entertainment factor is what I don't like about it. I hate the video sharing and the silly motivational quotes but I love seeing what my friends, family and people I care about are up to and I love the fact that without it (having travelled a lot and lived in many places) I would have lost touch with people who I am very glad not to have lost touch with.

So for me it's a wonderful and valuable tool that keeps people that mean something to me in my life, no matter how far away they are or how busy.

So anyway - you block someone and it says you don't want to keep in touch. That you want to lose contact.

Sorry - I found that message hurtful.

Okay - not everyone wants to stay in touch with their ex and facebook or not some people take that attitude and it might not mean they hate you - just that this is how they deal with split ups. I get it.

Horribly rude in my view and that's not going to change. He could have easily just "unfollowed" if he didn't want to see my updates and he might have spared me that horrible experience of being blocked. I still think he's a knob.

But I also don't care anymore. I was just asking people why people felt the need to do it because I genuienly did not understand the point of behaving that way or what was gained.

To me it's the break up equivalent of pooing in an envelope and putting it through someone's door and totally drama queen behavior. I'd never block anyone unless they had done something appalling to me.

But thanks for the support. I was genuinely wondering about the motivations and I now have them.

Soupdragon OP didn't need to search for him to know she had been blocked. You're not listening.
When you interact on fb with private messages (as they had because that's where he messaged her to dump her) as soon as she read that message she knew she had been blocked because she couldn't reply to it. Fb stops you from being able to reply once you have been blocked.

FolkGirl I've got 250 people on my friends list, half of which are distance ex colleagues or people I knew years ago and have absolutely no interest in.

I have no desire at all to block or unfriend them because they are doing me no harm, and when I get friended by someone i am not that keen on, I will put them as "limited profile" and go out of my way to not hurt the feelings of other people if there is no point to it.

I understand you come from a completely diferring view point after blocking your friend because she was inactive and "why keep her if she didn't post", but i would come from the opposite view...why block her and offend her if she was doing absolutely nothing to bother you? You lost a friend over click of a button so there is obviously more people than me who feel this send a clean message.

It's not that I obsess or care what an ex thinks of me. It is that I would be upset if anyone blocked me without me having done anything wrong.

It is a cyber "fuck you."

I am really willing to accept the fact that you find facebook pointles, that you can date someone for a year without ever adding them, that you don't ever care what exes are up to and I totally respect you for who you are and your own views and feelings.

Please try and do the same for me. There is nothing wrong with me. We just see things in a very diferrent way.

If you go onto Facebook now and randomly block 50 people, see how many of them are upset and presume they must havee done something wrong because I bet probably most of them will

I think you've explained it yourself quite well (as per thread title) it is indeed a cyber 'f*ck you'. I personally wouldn't bother texting the guys back as I wouldn't see the value of that but as you said everyone is different.

I won't be texting him back!

Just a shame it became acronomious. No need

I dont know if any exes have blocked me. I havent checked. Some i unfriended. Some are still friends and we chat on FB regularly. I havent blocked any. If i had it would be because they had been or i expected them to be a nuisance. If three exes had blocked me. I'd think the problem was me.

I think I'm quite similiar to you OP. I'm a girl who wants to be liked and regarded. I want to believe that I'm still like and regarded by all who sailed in her even if they decide they didn't want to pursue a relationship further or vice versa. Its a wake up call to realise that some people are cut and dried. They tried the relationship it wasn't for them/you therefore you have no need to be connected to each others lives. My ex of four years (not four dates) dumped me with a note through the door and instantly blocked me on Fb etc. In retrospect he probably did right. Clean break. Cruel to be kind and all that. I'm happy now with my man 1st year anniversary coming up - he is not of FB.

Okay, well the issues has been resolved anyway. Thanks. Going to get back to real life now and this is forgotten.

"well to me the purpose of facebook is to keep in touch with people and connect people. I think that was also Mark Zuckerberg's purpose in creating it"

aww. You really are a romantic.

To me it's the break up equivalent of pooing in an envelope and putting it through someone's door and totally drama queen behavior

No, its the equivalent of no longer contacting or being available for contact from that person. Perfectly reasonable.

The equivalent of pooing in an envelope and putting it through their door would be them hacking your facebook and posting a load of offensive stuff.

You really are very mixed up about what messages people are sending you. And you are only torturing yourself by obsessing over this. that i the drama queen behaviour. Blocking someone is the opposite. They are doing it to avoid any drama.

OP- I am completely with you.

Basic manners and decorum seem to have totally evaporated in the majority of people.

All that is left is abruptness, rudeness and dismissiveness. Maybe I am just too nice, or too much of a pushover I don’t know, but I am a really friendly, sociable person who is mortified at the thought of upsetting/offending anyone so there’s no way I’d de-friend/block people unless I had a good reason.

Facebook is the internet, granted, however, if someone removed me as a friend on FB, or blocked me, or even worse, both, there is no way I’d think they would want to continue to be friends IRL. It’s insulting, it’s basically saying ‘I don’t give a crap what you’re doing with your life and I don’t want you to see anything of my life.’ If that’s the case, if I walked down the street and saw them, I would cross the road to avoid. If they shouted a cheery hello and ran over, I would say ‘oh hi, didn’t think you’d want to chat considering you’ve blocked/ removed me on FB.’

That might seem ridiculous to some, but Facebook really is just an extension to real life nowadays, it is only people of my parent’s/grandparents generation who wouldn’t view it as that I think.

I think whoever feels the need to go to the trouble of blocking someone without there being any need to do so

No need that you are aware of they clearly have perfectly valid reasons to block you. They dont have to justify those reasons to you. Particularly if they suspect you would just argue round in circles that they werent justified.

I am less and less surprised that your exes block you. FWIW it's possible that you are seeking people to date who are kind of the opposite to you - people who don't want to wring their hands and talk about every single aspect of their feelings both on and offline, and this is why these men are not only ending the relationships but doing the equivalent of slamming the door on you.

Generally, when I have dumped someone after a short relationship, it's because I have no interest in getting to know that person better, and no desire to remain in contact any more than necessary (a quick 'Hi' if I were to pass him in a pub or club and no more). If that person keeps banging on about wanting to 'stay friends' and popping up all over the place, then I back off further and faster.

Even if you are not filling up their FB feeds with insults or why-oh-why-did-you-dump me stuff, just having you there liking and sharing and commenting on loads of their stuff, even if it's just a funny cat meme or whatever, can feel like 'OH FFS here's that Klingon again, why can't she get out of my face?'

You're dumped. That means you walk away.

I think you misunderstand the view that social networking "isn't real life".

Of course it's real - however, it's much faster, further reaching and superficial than physical connections could ever be. When people say it's not RL, this difference is what we usually mean.

I would be very, very worried if all 163 of my FB friends stood outside my house all day to shout out what they were eating, thinking, reading, holding up their new shoes and demonstrating their fitness skills Yet that's what FB is for - it's not real life because real life isn't a constant stream of pushed information - thank god!

If someone wants you out of their stream of pushed information, or wants to be out of yours, it genuinely isn't the same as deleting your phone number and blanking you in the street. Also, it's instantly reversible should things change at all. I'm happy to see you've taken on board that most folks don't see it as the massive intentional insult you perceived - hope you feel a bit better now :)

I have a friend who is on a few online dating sites. She has a pattern of behaviour. She will chat with men, get ahead of herself, decide he is perfect for her, then she will either meet them and things will cool off on his end or things will just cool off on his end and she will decide he is a really good friend and try and continue chatting. But he isnt interested and so either blocks her or just doesnt respond. She gets angry and declares that they are all just after sex and being hurtful to her, that they have no decency. Ive tried to point out where she is being given quite clear messages and that its fine for people to not want to "be just friends" she says she gets that but she continues to repeat the pattern. It is quite frustrating and tbh i can totally see why they block her.

Look, I am sitting here getting a complete battering but I've not argued with anyone here. I've said..."OK! message understood...some people view blocking in a diferrent light to me".

My son hates egg sandwiches so I don't eat them near him because he doesn't like the smell. I don't sit there trying to force him to like or accept the smell because I think his viewpoint is nonsense and he should get over it.

Let people choose their own standards of behavior. Fine...explain to me that maybe his viewpoint was diferrent (which I listened to, accepted as posible and thanked you for) but please don't try and tell me repeatedly that my viewpoint is wrong.

If you are the type of person who blocks exes, never wants to see them again, blocks anyone you don't want to know, doesn't use Facebook at all as a main tool of communication or otherwise thinks Faceboook is meaningless then if someone did this to you, you probably would not care at all.

If you are the kind of person who never blocks anyone unless you hate them, uses Facebook all the time, stays friends with exes and keeps in touch with everyone and goes out of their way to be polite and not hurt people's feelings then you might feel the same as me.

I am not saying you are wrong for seeing it the way you do, and I find it concerning that you are trying to say that my view is wrong because it's not the same as yours.

This doesn't mean I have problems understanding messages or am mental or deserver a roasting all that was required was to give me the other viewpoint if you wanted to help.

I agree with whitechocolate that maybe I am in the minority of being guilty of being a bit too nice. When I dumped this man I phoned him and gave kind reasons, hugged him and when we stayed in touch and continued to chat onlien about his work, his kids, his life and he said he wanted to keep me in his life anyway as he liked me a person. Excuse me for being pissed off that he didn't return the courtesy.

Oh, xposted, chocolate. For you, it is the same as crossing the road to avoid! I guess much depends on how you use it. I couldn't possibly liken my FB to 'real' life - as I've mentioned, it's an endless flow of babble. But I know some other people use it for more intense & meaningful interactions (the way I use groups on FB) and, yes, it would obviously be hurtful if one of their relationships was summarily interrupted like that.

Andrea, you've only got a 'battering' from a couple of posters.