Explain to me the post-break-up "Facebook Block". (men???)

[andreasperks]

Can I jjst get a bit of insight into what the "Facebook Block" thing is all about, having had three men do this to me in less than a year - which I have found a little insulting.

I'm no fool and understand the block function is there for people who are stalking you, people causing you bother or whatever and I do also understand that in some instances "blocking" might be done for the purposes of self protection (ie: I don't want to see your happy posts thanks!)

But if we are talking in terms of grown adult men around the 40 mark, who you have split up with after short relationships, where they are the ones who have ended it......what is the "dump and block" about?

I am reading into it that they are saying...."I am worried that I dumped you and you will take to my Facebook page slagging me off or having a hissy fit in public so I am blocking you to prevent that".

Which I find immensely insulting! I'm a 35 year old professional woman who's never done anything like that in her life.

I can understand maybe not wanting to "stay friends" in which case..."unfriending" is surely adequate? Perhaps done quietly a few days or weks post break up out of politeness? I have done this.

But a block. That feels quite like a slap in the face. Dump and block. Ouch!

Incidentally the three men who have done this blocked me only on Facebook and stayed open with me via all other communication - in fact some continued to text me for a while.

I have plenty of ex boyfriends, serious or otherwise, who are my friends on fcebook and we get on perfectly fine. I never post anything angsty or wash dirty laundry and am a perfctly normal and rational woman.

Any ideas? Does this happen to anyone else?

[andreasperks]

Yes, but those batterrings were pretty harsh.

SolidGoldBrass

I have been here a for a few years on and off and have seen you give some incredibly helpful advice to a lot of people that I have often admired a lot.

In this case though, you've done nothing but make vast and unfounded and insulting assumptions which have done nothing to help me and have only re-enfoced the message that there must be something wrong with me for someone to do this.

I don't like people's cat memes
I don't beg people to stay friends after we split up or harass them
I don't stalk people
I don't don't want to wring my hands and talk about every single aspect of my feelings both on and offline

That is the whole point. I don't do any of that stuff. Not in any way, shape or form. I am the opposite of that.

I am at the end of really, really shitty month with a billion things going on that have made me stressed sad or worried, and someone I genuinely liked who I talked to every day and got on great with, respected and cared about felt the need to poke the proverbial two fingers up at me and give me a cyber "fuck you".

That hurt my feelings, insulted me a lot and you just have to read the thread to see that 50% of the people here would feel then same. I came on here to ask why the heck anyone would do that and was hoping for:

a) reasons from another perspective of why he might have done that so I might not feel so hurt.

b) support from others to say they have expeirienced it before too

I really honestly wasn't expecting to be told "oh shut up you big, whiny cry baby, no wonder he blocked you."

One person created the drama here, and it wasn't me.

I'm not going to post at all again on the thread because I really do have a lot to get on with, it's no longer about what it was started about, but rather about me defending myself for how I feel to people who don't know anything about me at all.

[CanalTrip]

Is there any way to block this thread??

[SurlyCue]

if you are the kind of person who never blocks anyone unless you hate them, uses Facebook all the time, stays friends with exes and keeps in touch with everyone and goes out of their way to be polite and not hurt people's feelings then you might feel the same as me.

I am that person but this wouldnt hurt me. In fact it may have happened to me but im not aware of it. It isnt a big enough deal for me to go and find out. As i said, if 3 exes did it i would be looking at myself to try and see what the issue was.

One person created the drama here, and it wasn't me.

i really have to disagree with this. Has he started threads to ask a load of strangers about it? I very much doubt it. You are the one obsessing over this. You could just decide to mentally say "well fuck you too mate" and then forget about it. But here you are inviting public opinion and then complaining when you get it.

Also, i'm always a bit when i hear people saying things like "maybe I am in the minority of being guilty of being a bit too nice." It has a ring of "nice guy finishes last" which is really just sulky for "i did all the "right" things to get this girls knickers off and got nothing"

[sonjadog]

People are different. You want to stay friends and have some contact after the break up, they don't. Maybe they like a clean break? Maybe they will be interested in a friendship a bit further down the line? Who knows.

Their blocking you is not really about you. It is about what they feel is the right way to behave for them in this situation. When you have broken up with someone and you want to move on, you are allowed to do what you like to make this happen.

I assume not everyone you know ends up blocking you, right? So it isn't a problem in general. It isn't you. It is what is right for them. Try to stop making it all about you and I think you'll see why you don't need to get upset about it.

[LikeIcan]

Op: I'm with you. This blocking thing is all a bit childish isn't it. A 40 year old blocking a woman he's had a few dates with? what a knob. I'd only block someone if they were seriously pissing me off ( constant messages etc )
Be glad it's over - they're not worth the worry.

[Summerlovinf]

Unless you are genuinely going to be proper friends afterwards, what's the point staying in touch via FB? I think it's polite for them to de-friend to save you having to do it.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

Wwll I didn't block my friend, I only unfriended her.

If I'm honest, my reaction was that she's a bit pathetic (given that she doesn't even use it!) And if I meant so little to her that she was prepared to dump me over that, them she wasn't a real friend.

[educationforlife]

OP, I am with you.
I see blocking as as something you do if you are sick of someone either on Facebook or in life. Your exes do not seem to have had any reason to be sick of you.

I don't know what the posters who are giving you grief are thinking - unless they have understood your post as saying 'I really, really wanted to be friends with these people, made it really obvious, and now they blocked me and it's not fair.
Somehow, I don't think any of that is the case.
As for those rubbing in the number three - think that might just be bad luck - or it might, indeed, be indicative of dating etiquette these days.
I think their behaviour may well be indicative of men who see themselves as actively dating: 'tried this one, don't want to keep it - get rid' and, yes, I see it as impolite at best and downright unnecessarily insulting at worst.
The 'real life' equivalent of your post is someone deliberately and obviously crossing the street to avoid someone they had a mild 'thing' with.
My reaction? Who the f* do you think you are, mate?

[Joysmum]

It would help you to learn that no everybody thinks the way you do. You'd really benefit from gaining some perspective and not making mountains out of molehills.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

education tbh, I think most posters have just tried to offer alternative perspectives as the op was clearly bothered by it.

Some gave anecdotes from their own experience to illustrate the point.

As not a single person here knows why he did what he did, that's all anyone can do.

[LikeIcan]

The op is entitled to feel hurt. As a previous poster said, being blocked is the on-line equivalent of having the door slammed in your face ( how damn rude ! ) & for no good reason. I'm not sure how you can't take this personally? - I'm assuming the op had sex with this man so she's bound to feel the way she does. Of course relationships end, but there's no need to add insult to injury.
I'm amazed at how thick skinned some people are, I mean it's not like the milkman forgot to deliver one day, this is about real emotions.

[Summerlovinf]

They might think that you're the kind of person from whom all their friends and family need protecting...probably it's just that they don't want to be friends though.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

As a previous poster said, being blocked is the on-line equivalent of having the door slammed in your face

That's your opinion though. It's not fact.

The op said he could have just unfollowed her if he didn't want to see her updates. But it might also be that he doesn't want her to see his.

I bet he'd actually be completely bewildered if he saw this thread!

[UrbaneFox]

I think it's really pompous. it's taking back the small bit of control that they have. Petty and pompous.

[UrbaneFox]

OP, you're getting a hard time, you just expressed the view that blocking was a bit excessive when you'd parted graciously. FWIW, I think you're right. I'd just unfriend somebody. I'd only block somebody if they'd behaved embarrassingly, bothered my facebook friends, sent friend requests to mutual friends.

[SurlyCue]

it's taking back the small bit of control that they have.

And what is wrong with that? Why cant people take some control over who sees what on their own facebook page?

[Sl0wlyGoingINSAINIA]

It's only Facebook fgs.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

One of the main responses on here to break ups is to block the ex on facebook.

[MelanieCheeks]

What Joysmum said. How one person views blocking is not the same as anothers. I hate gender stereotyping, but as Andrea has put "men?????" in the title, maybe it might help to assume that "men" like closure and clarity and clean boundaries, and see no need to remain friends with someone on social media when that person isn't going to continue to be in their lives.

From my own experience - some exes I'm still friends with on fb, some aren't. Some I've blocked, because the break up was hard and I don't want to keep being reminded of it. If one blocked me, I really wouldn't take it personally or think it was a slammed door/ shit in the envelope/ f-you gesture. It's just an ending.

[andreasperks]

I just want to reply to a few people.

Yes, as likeican said, I had slept with this man. Actually the day before!!!! And everything was fine and to get a message to end it (bad enough) and to discover you are blocked is really shit thing to do IMHO. And I did think "who do you think you are mate?"

One of the main responses on here to break ups is to block the ex on facebook.

That's just it. Those threads are when the other person has done something wrong, or you are heartbroken or they are a twat. If someone came on here and said "I've been dating this man for a few weeks. We dated once before, split once before and have always got on well. I don't want to date him anymore and not sure how to bet handle it WWYD?"...I am sure no one would say "block him on facebook".

So I honestly didn't get the behavior or why people did it or what the point was.

Honestly, until I read this thread I literally had no idea that people existed who would block someone just because a relationship ended as a blanket action, or that some people didn't think blocking was rude at all, or that some people broke up with people and never wanted to see them again just as a standard policy rgardless of how amicable because I feel the opposite way.

I listened to the opposite perspective and I now have knowledge I didn't have before, which is why I asked the question. It's not common for me to encounter that behavior as I have never been blocked before by an ex, never blocked an ex and it was outside my parameter of basic decorum. We all learn new things when we ask questions

Yes, I do see it as childish, petty and a bit mean and that probably won't change based on this thread, but I probably will not be upset next time someone does it to me - so thank, sincerely, for that.

The bit I didn't understand in terms of the direction of the thread is why I was getting a hard time for asking.

[Summerlovinf]

hmm maybe he's married/attached then and was worried about getting found out? Dunno.

[Bubblebath01]

Blocking is a means of protecting yourself, it means they cannot message you as well as not seeing your posts. It also hides their posts on mutual friends pages.

I have blocked 2 people, someone who turned big time on me, through something really minor, and I actually did worry about their sanity.

The other person is my ex's gf, I don't want anything to do with her, we are not FB friends, but I don't see why she should even have access to my profile.

I wouldn't worry about it, some people have flippent attitudes to friendship, especially on FB.

I know one person who "defriends" me every so often, and then begs to have contact! I now ignore her after three refriendings.

You can't change them or things, leave it.

[Casimir]

Hell hath no fury... and all that.

[UrbaneFox]

I've been de-friended on fb, but I've never been blocked by somebody I'd slept with the day before