Explain to me the post-break-up "Facebook Block". (men???)

[andreasperks]

Can I jjst get a bit of insight into what the "Facebook Block" thing is all about, having had three men do this to me in less than a year - which I have found a little insulting.

I'm no fool and understand the block function is there for people who are stalking you, people causing you bother or whatever and I do also understand that in some instances "blocking" might be done for the purposes of self protection (ie: I don't want to see your happy posts thanks!)

But if we are talking in terms of grown adult men around the 40 mark, who you have split up with after short relationships, where they are the ones who have ended it......what is the "dump and block" about?

I am reading into it that they are saying...."I am worried that I dumped you and you will take to my Facebook page slagging me off or having a hissy fit in public so I am blocking you to prevent that".

Which I find immensely insulting! I'm a 35 year old professional woman who's never done anything like that in her life.

I can understand maybe not wanting to "stay friends" in which case..."unfriending" is surely adequate? Perhaps done quietly a few days or weks post break up out of politeness? I have done this.

But a block. That feels quite like a slap in the face. Dump and block. Ouch!

Incidentally the three men who have done this blocked me only on Facebook and stayed open with me via all other communication - in fact some continued to text me for a while.

I have plenty of ex boyfriends, serious or otherwise, who are my friends on fcebook and we get on perfectly fine. I never post anything angsty or wash dirty laundry and am a perfctly normal and rational woman.

Any ideas? Does this happen to anyone else?

[Threefishys]

Also if he dumped you by fb then blocked you then the guy's making it clear you are segregated fully from his (public) life.

[LintRoller]

Some people just want a clean break. Especially if there are lingering feelings. It can be easier to move on. Even if you haven't got mutual friends, psychologically it can be helpful to "erase" someone neatly from one aspect of their life (social media). It's something they have control over.

Don't take it personally.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

The third one I went to look at him, as you do after a split, and he was gone.

Why "as you do"?

I don't. Why would you? I wouldn't know if I've been blocked.

Maybe that's your answer.

[AbeSaidYes]

What a person does with their own Facebook is their business, you have no right to be on their friends list, particularly if you are not actually friends.

[andreasperks]

I don't think there's many people who don't go back and look at their exes facebook page. It doesn't make you a stalker or a mentalist who need to be blocked. It just makes you a normal person.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

I don't think there's many people who don't go back and look at their exes facebook page. It doesn't make you a stalker or a mentalist who need to be blocked. It just makes you a normal person.

What? So I'm not normal then because I don't go an check out ex's fb pages..?!

Nice.

[andreasperks]

Cor that post twisted it round a bit.

I believe the majority of people flick to their exes facebook pages at one time another (don't have a friend who doesn't do this actually, espeically directly after a split) and I believe that curiosity is within a "normal" range of behavior. It wasn't me that questioned the normality of your behavior, if you read back it was you who questioned mine!

My view is that if you have the exceptional self control to break up with someone, feel sad and miss them, and from the moment you break up you never, ever, ever go and once look at their facebook page to see what they are up to then, yes, I personally think you have an exceptional and unusual level of self control. So if anything- take what I said as a compliment.

I actually fail to see how anyone could be blocked by an ex and not notice unless they were to never, ever, ever go and look at their page. and if there are people who have that level of compartmentalisation and self control then hats of to you.

I do know that many of my exes message me to say they have been looking at this or that on my page and it doesn't bother me in the least because it seems natural to me they would have some curiosity about my life.

If you have not done anything awful to each other and it's not been agonising or acromonious then blocking just seems immature and unnecessarily rude to me.

Blocking is designed for the purpose of stopping harrassment or people who are offensive or causing you bother and unfriending is designed for people you don't want to share with anymore or are no longer friends with. That is my point really as in my own view it's quite bad manners to block someone unless they have done something wrong or offensive in some way. I'd not treat anyone else so rudely.

[wafflyversatile]

Maybe those three men had experiences with previous exes post break up that led them to have a blanket policy of blocking exes.

Maybe all three had different reasons.

Maybe their reasons were to do with them, not you.


I've blocked people for a variety of reasons that are not to do with harassment. Blocking exists and people use it as they see fit. Maybe you would only use it to stop someone from harassing you but everyone else is not you.

[andreasperks]

Thats a good point. When I was dating them I did notice none of them had any exes on their facebook page. I never thought of that.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

Well I genuinely haven't been to look at an ex's page and I haven't had any acrimonious splits. It's just not occurred to me.

I went out with one man for nearly a year and not only were we not fb friends, but I don't, even now, know how public/private his profile is.

Maybe they don't want you looking out of curiosity and don't want to change their privacy settings. I can't actually see it's worth being bothered about.

My exh unfriended me when we split, which is fair enough. I'm guessing I'm not blocked because I can see him on our son's friend list, but I've never looked at his page.

My most recent ex, I unfriended him but didn't block. Again, I don't know how public his profile his, I haven't been back to check.

I suppose I'm just not interested in the fb activity of people I don't have any kind of relationship with.

[PiazzaDelPoppolo]

I always delete and block an ex after a break up. Whether I ended it or they did. I think a clean break is better and I don't think that can be achieved by seeing them in your newsfeed.

Just because they have ended the relationship doesn't mean they want to hear about how well you are getting on without them or photos of you and your new boyfriend. Before the days of FB you could break up with someone and easily avoid seeing them again making it much easier to get over them.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

I think that just shows that people use fb for different things and in different ways.

It does seem to be something you are taking quite personally and I would just say don't.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

I agree with piazza.

It's not immature to have no interest in an exes life and not want them to check up on yours covertly.

It's fine.

[Garrick]

Blimey. A few of my - female and loved - friends are hair-trigger blockers. If they don't reappear in a few days, I let them know by circuitous means that I hope they're OK, etc. I've blocked a few people whose posting style wears my patience. A few have blocked me for, presumably, similar reasons. My ex-husband has me blocked because he told his current wife I'm a crazy ex. When someone leaves a support group, I generally block them for a couple of months as I don't want to have to answer angsty messages about other group members.

It's not like killing someone, you know. It's a reversible means of reducing their presence in your life. I'm sorry that it's upset you like this ... I can't really say I see it as quite such a major offence. It is a bummer to know that someone doesn't want to hear from you but, you know, it's their choice.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Someone who you had a short relationship with,who has ended that relationship, owes you nothing. I would imagine that in some cases people dump and block as a routine procedure but also, tbh, the way you are harping on about this suggests that you could have given these men the impression you would be whiny and persistent when dumped, so they are taking steps to make the break as clean and final as possible.

[Garrick]

I think a clean break is better and I don't think that can be achieved by seeing them in your newsfeed.

Yes, Facebook's all about push notifications. A real-life equivalent would be somebody ringing up to tell you what they're having for breakfast, all your mutual friends telling you endlessly about what they wore last time they saw them, and the town being fly-posted with pictures of them doing mundane things.

I'm not at all the clean break type, but I'd want a FaceBreak from somebody after we'd broken up

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

This extreme reaction has explained something though.

I recently unfriended someone on fb. She never posts, never updates, never likes or comments on my or mutual friends' statuses. I didn't think she used it anymore.

Antway, she sent me a rather unpleasant text the following day effectively ending our rl friendship.

So I think some people do place an awful lot of importance on what people do on Facebook.

[andreasperks]

I suppose there must be differing views of breakups.

For me if I break up with someone it doesn't mean I don't want to know them or hear from them again (I quite like keeping the friendship element as people I have relationships with are generally people I like a lot who have come to be people I care about and am interested in) so unless they have done something God awful I'd rather not break all contact.

Hence I suppose Ive read it from my perspective that they feel I am God awful.

The reponses have helped me understand that obviously a lot of other people who just prefer not to have any contact or knowledge of people they once dated.

If that's all it is I can understand that. It felt like a personal attack.

[andreasperks]

I do think though...facebook is real life. A lot of people say "cyber is not reality" but to me that's like saying the telehone isn't reality either. We are not on Facebook talking to robots - these are real human interactions with people we know. If someone unfriended me on facebook I'd definitely take it that they were no longer my friend in real life. Same as if they blocked me on whatsapp or email. It's saying "I don't want to hear from you, speak to you or know you".

SolidGoldBrass - that was quite a jump to make, but I'm not whiny and persistent when dumped. Which was the point. Your response "maybe they thought you'd be whiny and persistent when dumped" is exactly the inference I got from the blockings and hence found upsetting in the first place. You inferred the same as me actually.

Hands up, I take break ups hard and am a sensitive person who will definitely get a broken heart if someone I care about leaves. But I've never once in my life taken that to facebook, or even to the man himself. I've got lot of dignity and pride and keep it to myself thanks.

Also, I am not talking about people I'd be upset about splitting up with. I'm talking about people I'd dated a few times. Hence the mystery to me why cutting all contact was necessary.

The thread has explained the fact to me that them blocking me might not mean they really dislike me or are infering I am a lunatic- maybe they just like clean breaks (so thank you for that)

But there's no need to insult me. I am sure there are plenty of things that would piss you off or hurt you that would not bother me at all.

[ThisIsFolkGirl]

It's good to read that you've realised it's not a personal attack.

I don't fall out with people in rl so removing someone from fb would never be a sign of that.

I don't have a long friends list, I was just going through it and deleted people who don't use it anymore.

Why would I keep someone on there if they don't use it anymore? And I'm talking no activity for over 3 years.

Yes, of course it's real, but it doesn't reflect real life in its entirety. It really is fine.

As for relationships, I personally find it bizarre you'd want to keep in touch with all exes. I mean, I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in what they are doing every day and don't want them know what I'm up either.

Tbh, I've never understood the need to be friends with exes. I haven't fallen out with any but, at the same time, once it's over, it's over.

Anyway, glad you're feeeling bit happier about it.

[OutToGetYou]

The fact you know they have blocked and not just unfriended you suggests you went looking which then suggests they did the right thing.

I block exes I only saw for a short time. Though if you have no mutual friends I suppose there isn't much reason, I just don't want them commenting on stuff or trying to regriend me.

[JustOneMinuteAtATime]

I've never been blocked by an ex. I've blocked one, who seemed to be spending consecutive days searching through the archives of my profile and liking things from half a decade ago, but I've never had an ex unfriend and block me.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about it. I think I probably wouldn't notice but if I did, I'd be a little hurt.

[rouxlebandit]

Phew!! I sometimes envy young people for having the facility of social media & OLD, not to mention the sheer number of short/casual 'relationships'. But all this fb angst is making me think that 'boy meets girl' stuff was much simpler & happier when I was alive!
Sorry for this completely useless comment but I had to get it off my chest!

[Trills]

You know that bocking also means he can't see you?

Maybe he knows he will do the (normal, IMO) thing of going to look at your profile, but would rather not, so he has bocked you in order to stop himself.