The thrill of the chase?

[MARTIN1]

I recently went on a date with a lady I have known for some time. We developed a good friendship and we were in constant contact and as we got to know each other better and better we went out on a couple of dates. Everything was going fine and I thought she is very attractive, witty and intelligent and she invited me to stay over at her house after she cooked dinner for us both. This is when I baulked and made a bee-line for the nearest train station. I have done this a couple of times in the past, when a date or friendship has blossomed into something more and then I've not wanted to cross the finish line.
I feel like a complete div and rightly so and the lady from the date isn't speaking to me now. I genuinely don't know what causes me in some instances to do this and I regretted it the very moment I stepped out of her front door. I didn't think that night was the right time but I can't for the life of me figure out why that was my train of thought. Making me think is it the thrill of the chase that is more enjoyable than the catch? Which surely is bizarre.
Has anyone experienced this before when dating or am I the only div on the planet?

Oh Martin there you are!
Did she cook trout?

No trout on this date. Maybe next time

Men who like the thrill of the chase tend to baulk after they've bedded the woman - not before.

This is total speculation, so please don't take it personally, OP, and I'm probably wrong. But I wonder whether - given your previous thread, with your discomfort around talking about sex, your frequent use of the term 'ladies', and your mention of paying the bill - are you a bit more invested in your image as a gentleman than actually having fun with the woman you're dating? Your posts suggest a few times that waiting for sex makes it more meaningful and that you're surprised at people who find sex so important that they rush into it.

Sex absolutely isn't the be-all and end-all of dating, but I think for many people sexual attraction is a major part of it. Not two people who are objectively attractive having dinner together, but two people who are immediately and strongly attracted to the other person in themselves. Do you enjoy dating and being a 'gentleman' to women more than you actually enjoy their company?

Was it the woman who made a pass at you on the bus in Cheetham Hill?

Quite It is a fair point you make. I was brought up being the only male in an all female household. I was conditioned to always hold a door open, never refer to someone as 'she' and not to treat ladies as sex objects. Whether that has some bearing on my current concerns I don't know. You mention me paying a bill, that is one of those ghastly entries from my 101 Dodgy Euphemisms For Sex book. I love the company of women it is far more enjoyable than male company. Ladies generally have a wider range of topics to talk about and thankfully none of those subjects is football!

Rose You have lost me with your last post.

I once dated a lesbian for 18 months, we never got passed the odd drunken snog, but every other aspect of the relationship was superb. We cared for each other, supported each other emotionally, financially and did nearly everything a normal couple do. Those times were magic

This suggests to me that you are asexual, but heteroromantic. There is no shame in not wanting to have sex, you know. However, it is unfair to lead women on, as the default assumption for most people is that a potential partner will want to have sex with them.

Pocket That's why I consider it such an issue. I don't want to be seen as someone who leads people on and from the outset that has never been my intention. Why can't life just be simple eh?

Whoops sorry Martin. I was mixing you up with Bleakhouse. He was accosted by an admirer on a bus.
(You seem to have a similar style of writing)
So if your friend had made a move on you, you would have ? Then when she didn't you made your excuses and left?
Perhaps you just need to chill, maybe a drink would help, and sit on the sofa, pat the seat next to you and invite her to join you. Or would inviting her round to your place make you feel more at ease?
(I intend to wear a jaunty little cap with a feather)

but I thought you couldn't wait to play nug a nug Martin?!

I once dated a lesbian for 18 months, we never got passed the odd drunken snog, but every other aspect of the relationship was superb.

Serious question - and not intended to be patronising in any way as I imagine its not a topic you have not given a lot of thought to - but have you considered whether you are in fact any of the following and frightened to look too deeply into your true desires in case it doesn't match up with how you want to be/see yourself:

1. demisexual (someone who does not feel sexual attraction at all until after they have formed an emotional bond).
2. gay or
3. asexual.

Cheers Thank you for your input. You may have hit the nail on the head. Something I've struggled with and I think others - friends, family and anonymous fellow MN contributors have struggled with. I'll give your suggestions much consideration before even attempting to start dating again. I think it is only fair for everyone concerned. Once again thank you for taking time to respond.