In answer to your original question - yes, you have every right to feel pissed off about the stupid tactless insensitive 3some suggestion.
In answer to everything else which has arisen since the 1st post, I don't think the problem is really about sex. That is one of your problems and maybe, just maybe, it might have been surmountable had it been the only one. However, you've revealed so much more about your husband and frankly, he sounds frightening.
In fact he sounds a frightening bully. No-one would ever suggest that separating from the father of your kids is the easy option - I've done it and I know it's not - but what's worse, getting through that, or staying in an environment where you're forever walking on eggshells, scared that the most insignificant thing will prompt a violent rage ? If he regularly starts drinking in the afternoon, your children must see some of his volatility and if they're not already scared by it, they soon will be.
He may be a great (sober) dad, but can you honestly, hand on heart, say that you trust him with the kids 101% if he often starts drinking that early ?
Whilst he might be feeling "emasculated" by being a SAHD ( ..... and BTW, why should you feel "lucky" and/or grateful about that given they are just as much his children too?) and he certainly appears to be pathetically jealous of each new child, those feelings do NOT excuse in any way shape or form his attitude towards you.
HE says YOU need counselling to get to the bottom of YOUR sexual issues. That's absolute shite. Such a remark implies that anyone who doesn't want a 3some has "issues". In other words, you are being blamed for not giving in to his demands. He refuses joint counselling point blank, thereby implying that HE's perfect.
Where do you go from here ? ....... TBH, with someone SO insensitive (at best) and a violent bully, who is quite probably an alcoholic as well, there really only seems one option you can take. No-one can do that for you but what else can you do ...... clearly, you're not happy with the current situation or else you wouldn't have posted here.
Bear in mind that a separation might just shock him enough into seeking advice and accepting responsibility. If he does, and at some stage in the future you get back together again than great, but even if he doesn't, you will still almost certainly feel so much better without the pressure and fear you're currently living in.