Never thought Id be here - heartbroken

[OhHolyFuck]

Last night DP told me he doesn't love me anymore and is leaving - we're due to get married in 6 weeks and Im 18 weeks pregnant with DC3. We've been together 7 years. I've spent the night at my best friends crying and on my way home now - tell me what to do? Tell me it gets easier or at least stops physically hurting? I love him but he doesn't want me, my narc mother is going to bloody love this. Im so so sad and lost, how do I stop myself begging him not to do it? I know I sound pathetic... I so wanted my children to have parents together though

Can you get some of those meal replacement drinks? And have you spoken to your midwife? She may be able to recommend something and in any case it would be good to let her know that you're having such a stressful time.

Yes speak to your midwife or your doctor at least.

How about a smoothie or a protein shake? You need to get some nutrition in you. You'll be no good to any of your children when you end up in hospital will you.

Are you getting any support from friends or family?

Nothing to add but so sorry you're going through this love

Keep going darling

Friends are being great but they live anywhere between 90 miles and several countries away so practical help is limited although 2 are driving up this weekend and ones coming for 3 days next week and they have messaged a few times a day to see how things are going

Family are a crock of shit, they don't even know I'm pregnant tbh, that's how infrequently they're in contact

I'm scared the midwife will think I'm not coping and get someone more serious involved?

Midwife and/or your GP will want to help you cope. Do ask for help. You don't have to be strong all the time.

Haven't got a lot to add OP, but just please put yourself and the DC's first, he has probably done you a favour by telling you before the wedding, it's less messy to get out of a relationship than a marriage (I know that doesn't mean it's less painful). I'd also be telling him to pack his own fucking shit up aswell. cheeky bastard, as if you haven't got enough to do!

I also think you should tell the midwife, even if it's just somebody to talk to, to offload and have a little cry. it'll do you good to get it off your chest.

when your friend comes up next week, why not see if she'll take the kids for the afternoon, or have them at your house so you can go out. maybe go for lunch, to a bookshop and get a manicure or a blow-dry, treat yourself.

Oh you poor thing - what a cruel blow. I was where you were nearly 18 months ago, when DH did exactly the same thing (although he'd been threatening for about 6 months). Dc3 was 5 weeks old and I'd had a very traumatic cs birth. It was about the most selfish thing anyone has ever done.

You will have ups and downs, as you know, and you will grieve but gradually that grief will move away from grieving for him, through grieving for the life you were supposed to have, and then pass gradually away altogether. Acknowledge it, use your friends to lean on and help, and let it out. Focus on you and your babies. One thing that really helped me (twee though it sounds) was posting 100 happy days on Facebook - being challenged to find the happiness in every day really helped.
In the initial aftermath sorting out a house to rent and contacting benefit people helped me focus on something else, and I felt like I was coming out the other side by the end of the first year. Now I am excited about plans I have made for the future, and so proud of myself for having managed and for facilitating a relationship between him and the children.

Find those things that help you get through - acknowledge your feelings but don't give into them. Keep reminding yourself that it was not you - you are amazing, and to leave you right now shows a darkness in his soul, for whatever reason.

Gentle hugs to you. Pm me if I can help.

The midwife won't punish you for being distraught and in shock and having lost your appetite. She might be able to help though.

(I think official people like midwives are more likely to be worried when fuckwit boyfriends move in than when they move out to be honest.)

Are you managing to sip some water through the day at least? What about a tiny bit of chocolate? Don't worry about it being super healthy just eat anything you can.

Make sure he is looking after the kids 50% of the time. He doesn't get to opt out of his family.

I'm so sorry. Please look after yourself.

Oh it's horrible isn't it, I've been in a similar situation.

Talk to your supportive friends, doctor if you need to ( I couldn't sleep and ended up collapsing so had to get tablets to help me relax), take care of yourself, if you're working talk to work as they might have support to help you . Gingerbread are also good if you get hold of them.
Try to remember it's not you it's him. It's taken me a long time to get to that but it will get better..

I'm sending you strength and love. I'm you 20 yrs and +1 child in the future. My ex went through with the marriage and another unplanned child. Not a happy ending.
Look after yourself and your children and bump fu*k your ex and his feelings. At the end of the day you and your babies are all that matters. I wish I could turn back the clock and tell me this advice. Get angry get strong don't be his victim. Wish I could help you x

Cuppasoups are quick to make and easy to drink, they dont feel like food but are better than nothing.

Also, decaff latte would be ok, plenty of milk which is good for you both. I agree that smoothies are good too, anything that tastes and feels like a drink is far easier to digest.

I understand the loss of appetite, when I found out about H's affair, I lost 2 stone in 3 weeks, and at 5 weeks post partum, I was very ill because of it, but a PP is right, the less you eat the more ill you will feel. Dry bread even, and just one bite at a time many times throughout the day will help.

Please take care, your pain is almost tangible in your posts, I wish that there was a magic wand that would take it all away. We are here for you.

Where are you in the country?, maybe there is an MNer near to you that would be a good friend to you. I would be happy help if I am near you

I can't offer anything that hasn't already been said, but please know I'm thinking of you x

I'm so sorry darling.

Midwife / GP will not get anyone else involved. You've got friends that are supporting you.

Your midwife will be able to help, she'll listen and more importantly she'll check your blood pressure and ensure you and the baby are fine. Both she and the maternity unit will need to know of anything that may cause future problems in the pregnancy - high blood pressure, pre-eclampsia, premature labour etc.

Remember they're there to help and support you through pregnancy, not judge you or your relationship breakdown.

Thanks everyone for the kind words, I've been rereading in the early hours when I feel the full effects of everything hitting me.
I did manage some food about midnight last night, had a ham baguette, felt awful after it but think it's important I did eat (and keep it down)

I phoned the health visitor too (even she was shocked) to see about nursery places for ds2 - prompted by the fact I work nights (deliberately swapped to them to spend more time with dP and so that we'd never have a childcare issue, he'd always be home) but now he's saying he "doesn't know how feasible it it is long term to keep coming over at night to sit with the kids"...if he does refuse to come over, I'd have to give up my job so yet another thing to worry about...

Probably best to keep it to liquids for a day or two - at least until your system gets back into gear eg small glasses of plain/flavoured milk sipped at, moving on to soup etc. Your system has closed down so you need to gently get it back running right.

Best of luck.

Sorry - I see you kept down a baguette. That's great.

There is no "feasability" issue. They are his kids and you are at work therefore he is responsible for them.

I rather suspect this reluctance is more to do with the fact that it will severely impinge on his new single life than anything to do with it being feasible. Dont back down on it, really dont, he doesnt get to drop a bomb into your life and then just walk away.

It's fine to say 'there his kids/he has to take responsibility/watch them whilst you work' etc but how do you physically make somebody do that? I can't force him to come over or want a relationship with them...

No you cant, but you can drop them off at his new house.

The thing is, while you remain passive, he will walk all over you. So start with expecting everything and being hard faced, and then negotiate if necessary.

By saying that you will just accept what he says, you are giving him carte blanch to do what he likes. How will you react if he says it isnt feasible to give you child support for example?

This is my first night alone - Sunday I went to a friends after he said, Monday and Tuesday I was at work so tonight is a big thing for me
Finding it really hard actually, feel like I'm waiting for him to come home from a night shift and then it'll be normal again, we'll talk and have something to eat and watch tv and none of this will be real...but it is isn't it? Feel sad at everything I've lost and lonely, I'm not good on my own, I go a bit crazy
And he's just so mean, talking about how he's resented/regretted our relationship, that man I love is gone and it's so hurtful...really feeling sorry for myself tonight