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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DRY 8!!!!!!

999 replies

CheesyNachos · 24/07/2015 12:22

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 27/09/2015 21:28

Hi holly and congratulations on your recent sobriety! I've done a huge amount of analysis and reflection on my drinking behaviour over the past 2 yrs as it is the backbone of the AA 12 steps.

I am 100% with you that my not drinking, in itself, helps me to keep not drinking.

I was so ashamed of everything I was failing to be and created huge amounts of stress and drama thinking that I had to be everything to everyone and it was all up to me, me me. That drove my need to change how I felt which I did by sinking 2+ bottles of wine every night.

Now, I can feel better about myself and have also managed to release enormous amounts of self inflicted pressure.

I am guilt free when I need a lie in. I justified if I want to slob out for an evening. I know I am doing my best and that I am happy with how I am behaving and how I am treating those around me.

Conversely, I know that if I have a drink, the absolute opposite will happen and I will spiral into self hatred and chaos which will need more alcohol to forget those feelings which will create more hatred and more chaos. Repeat until dead.

I can't do one.

I can't do moderate.

It's all or nothing - and nothing feels fucking marvellous so it's a no brainier for me Smile

glad what an awful weekend and well done for surviving. Definitely keep her at arms length from now on - she is very dangerous to your sobriety. I have very sadly had to stop seeing my best friend as I've realised that our 10+ years of intense friendship was totally based around getting shit faced. She doesn't even know I'm in recovery as she's not interested in any invites if they don't involve drinking Sad so I have never had an opportunity to tell her.

Sobriety must come first otherwise there is nothing else.

FusionChefGeoff · 27/09/2015 21:28

Hi holly and congratulations on your recent sobriety! I've done a huge amount of analysis and reflection on my drinking behaviour over the past 2 yrs as it is the backbone of the AA 12 steps.

I am 100% with you that my not drinking, in itself, helps me to keep not drinking.

I was so ashamed of everything I was failing to be and created huge amounts of stress and drama thinking that I had to be everything to everyone and it was all up to me, me me. That drove my need to change how I felt which I did by sinking 2+ bottles of wine every night.

Now, I can feel better about myself and have also managed to release enormous amounts of self inflicted pressure.

I am guilt free when I need a lie in. I justified if I want to slob out for an evening. I know I am doing my best and that I am happy with how I am behaving and how I am treating those around me.

Conversely, I know that if I have a drink, the absolute opposite will happen and I will spiral into self hatred and chaos which will need more alcohol to forget those feelings which will create more hatred and more chaos. Repeat until dead.

I can't do one.

I can't do moderate.

It's all or nothing - and nothing feels fucking marvellous so it's a no brainier for me Smile

glad what an awful weekend and well done for surviving. Definitely keep her at arms length from now on - she is very dangerous to your sobriety. I have very sadly had to stop seeing my best friend as I've realised that our 10+ years of intense friendship was totally based around getting shit faced. She doesn't even know I'm in recovery as she's not interested in any invites if they don't involve drinking Sad so I have never had an opportunity to tell her.

Sobriety must come first otherwise there is nothing else.

gladistopped · 27/09/2015 21:39

Fusion, Custard thank you :)

I actually feel very bad that I did not explore more just why she was being like she was :( But I cannot afford to expend energy on her issues atm - I need all my energy at the moment for me and to keep me sober. But that sits very uncomfortably with me - I am always the person who helps others - I am a therapist, a teacher and to be so selfish as to ignore her needs and concentrate on mine is a bit hard for me.

Still here, still sober though :) baptism of fire this weekend :)

gladistopped · 27/09/2015 21:42

it is obviously not unusual to find a "friend" is actually not a friend when we want to alter our lives. I have found this as I have lost weight - I have a friend who obviously is struggling to see me as a thin friend rather than a fat friend iykwim - but I really did not expect the same issues with not drinking tbh as that is so much less obvious than weight loss

Seabiscotti · 28/09/2015 18:29

Hi everybody, just checking in. Tried to post a few times over the weekend but my connection was rubbish and I kept losing my posts Angry

Told friend I wasn't drinking and why. It was fine we had tea and chocolate instead. The first evening was difficult and cravings
started on my way there, but they did
eventually pass. I had such lovely days on
Friday and Saturday. It was nice to be without the hangover fog etc.

glad I am so sorry about the weekend you had. You had to put yourself first. I too suspect your friend has a drinking problem as I am certain I have been like this in the pastBlush

I see a few people have mentioned that cooking dinner is a trigger time. I do a lot of my cooking in the slow cooker, to help avoid this.

Seabiscotti · 28/09/2015 18:33

Ps. I am posting from my phone so apologies for not addressing everybody personally.
Can't believe it is day 29. I don't think I could have done it without all you lovely people Flowers. Thank you.

ididntsignupforthis1 · 28/09/2015 19:41

29 days is fabulous
Well done!

Seabiscotti · 28/09/2015 19:43

Thanks ididnt

custardcreamdreams · 28/09/2015 20:08

You got through it glad. This weekend will be piss easy compared to that, no Wink?

Well done Sea, 29 days is brilliant!!

HollyEllis · 28/09/2015 20:17

glad - what a nightmare weekend and very sad to have to part with a friend like that. Well done for resisting the temptation to drink. I couldn't have done that.

Thank you FCG - agree about the repeat until dead - thank you for reminding me about that treadmill feeling of drinking, feel a bit rubbish, drinking again to stop feeling so rubbish or even to make myself feel a bit more rubbish.

seabiscotti we are at about the same stage - I hope we will be able to keep each other company.

I watched Dr Foster on TV the other night which involved a large amount of wine drinking including a complete blow out evening of drinking and infidelity. When it showed her the next day I kept thinking - wow she must have such a hangover and feel so awful - both physically and mentally. It was quite cheering to feel that rather than wishing I could have one. Maybe I can hold onto that thought too.

gladistopped · 28/09/2015 20:55

Sea and Holly well done!

Thank you for the kind words, everyone. I am v sad that she behaved that way - but v certain I did nothing to provoke it or make her worse. She has sent me some rather nasty texts today so I am going to ignore - I have offered to listen if she needs me - but I will not be insulted by anyone. So -up to her now.

Still here, still sober :) Feels good :)

Lucy2610 · 28/09/2015 21:12

Glad sorry to be late to the conversation. This is absolutely her issue not yours Flowers
Congrats to Sea and Holly :)

gladistopped · 28/09/2015 21:32

And as far as the impulse to drink was concerned? I was dammed if I was going to give in to her needling me to "just have one, go on " ! :)

I will remember how I felt when I am next tempted to "just have one" So in a way she did me a favour :)

gladistopped · 28/09/2015 21:34

Why did my last post not appear straight away? I posted it at 20 56?

Lucy thank you :) I know she has a problem, now ...just a shame she had to demonstrate it in such a way ...! that I have no desire to help her with it!

FusionChefGeoff · 28/09/2015 21:52

glad Wow she is seriously bad news if she's still on at you even via text!

You can't do anything about her attitude or her actions - quite rightly you can control how you react to it though so well done for looking at it logically and calmly.

I'm on my phone so can't name check but it's great to hear about everyone's continued successes.

gladistopped · 28/09/2015 22:03

FCG I love your posts - you are so positive and encouraging:)
Am fighting my usual impulse to be helpful - fuck that! She has seriously offended me :( and I am not going to expend precious energy helping her at the moment

BamBam21 · 29/09/2015 09:55

Hi everyone.Smile Well done to everyone staying sober, and hi to holly.

Well I fell right off the wagon after my slip up last week. I just couldn't face trying to be strong and stop all over again. My tooth was hurting and I was generally feeling sorry for myself. It's still sore, and I saw the dentist yesterday. She gave me antibiotics that you can definitely not take alcohol with, so to my shame I went and bought some booze, and didn't take the pills. I didn't feel ready. I woke today feeling hellish, but the good news is that I have now taken my first pill, and so my hand has been forced in having to stop drinking. I have a week's course (back at the dentist on Friday to re-do the root canal workSad) so that will take me through the dreaded day 3/4, and also the weekend. I am feeling quite good about it.

I am reading a lot about sobriety, and I have got myself some rescue remedy and Kalms to see if they help. I really want to do this.

gladistopped · 29/09/2015 11:48

BamBam sounds like a good plan :) But so sorry you have an infection :(

vxa2 · 29/09/2015 12:33

Hi Everyone

I am new here.

I have been having an episode of anxiety and depression for a year (probably longer if I am honest). It all came to a head in February when I had what I suppose could be called a breakdown.

I have been on citalopram and now venlafaxine which have not been working and gradulally my drinking increased so that sometimes I was drinking 2 bottles of wine at a time and was hiding my drinking. I wasnt being honest with my GP or my therapist.

Last week I decided I really need to stop drinking so that I can give myself a real chance to get better and to hopefully allow the medication to work. I owned up to my therapist and a friend. I am not planning on not drinking ever again but at least a good 6 weeks and then we will see.

Today is Day 6 and is the first day I have felt a bit better. This is the first day when so far I have not had to take diazepam to cope with cravings.

I could really do with some support from the ladies here.

BamBam21 · 29/09/2015 13:08

Hi vxa2. Welcome to the thread.SmileThanks Everyone here is very supportive and non-judgemental. 6 days is fantastic!Smile

glad my tooth is really throbbing, and it won't get re-treated until Friday. Aargh! It's good that I can't drink though, and a week will be a good start to my sober life!Smile

You are quite right to prioritise your own wellbeing over your dodgy friend's feelings glad.

ididntsignupforthis1 · 29/09/2015 14:12

Hiya vxa
I am also day 6 and on citalopram
I actually feel a little zingy today.
I have felt a bit of a grief thinking about not drinking again although it does us no good. Trying to think one day a time

Hadron21 · 29/09/2015 14:23

Hi everyone. I ended up having a drink at the weekend - my sister works in the fashion industry and is always gifted posh booze as a thank you but the irony is she doesn't drink and never has! Instead she gifted it to me and much as I didn't want to I ended up having a couple of glasses over the weekend. I now feel like shite. So, I'm during myself off and returning on my journey of not drinking at all.

When I started being "dry" I made a pledge to myself not to be giving in and starting again, but here i am.

Sounds like it's been eventful here! I guess recognising you have a problem really is a big step.

BamBam21 · 29/09/2015 14:32

Glad to hear you are feeling the zing ididn't!Grin

I hope you are okay hadron. It really does feel like such a mammoth uphill struggle sometimes.Thanks

BamBam21 · 29/09/2015 17:03

Really struggling just now.Sad My tooth is thumping, DP has booze, and I just want to have a drink. I can't though. I need to stay strong.

Marrou · 29/09/2015 17:53

I haven't read all the posts but just saw yours BamBam and wanted to offer some support. It's really hard if someone is drinking around you, I find myself driven mad by dh when he has even a couple of beers now that I have stopped altogether. Keep posting this evening if you need to, you can do it even if it feels difficult xxx