DRY 8!!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

Absolutely teapot I am not a normal drinker and one of the things that convinced me of that was my complete and utter failure to stop drinking once I'd started. Didn't matter how inappropriate it was or what had been planned but once I'd had a single drink I was off and there ain't no one or nothing gonna stop me until I blacked out. The number of plans I'd cancel or have to make last minute, crazy and expensive alternative arrangements eh hotel rooms or taxis because I couldn't stay under the drink drive limit was ridiculous. Yet, every time, I'd think it would be ok!

That is why I know I can never safely drink so it's got to be abstinence. I believe that my body and brain react very differently to alcohol than normal people - some people can't drink and I am one of them.

One thing I have definitely noticed though is that I was the only one who paid such close attention to how much / how quickly everyone around me was drinking. Most people haven't got a clue that I've stopped drinking as they don't have the fucked up reaction to booze that I have and they just don't care what everyone else is doing! Often, its people who are worried about their own consumption who will make any kind of comment.

And it gets so much easier. Just had a wonderful day out which started with lunch. I didn't even think about alcohol and was clear to fully engage and enjoy the rest of the day instead of trying to rush everyone through the dry bits of the day and on to the next drink as soon as possible.

Stick with it the rewards are endless and get better every day.

Hello everyone Still here! Still on it :)
Posting this as I am a bit ??? about it ( and also and I've prevailed on friend who is staying to remove bottle of wine from my fridge and sight. I had said to her in advance of her arriving I was not drinking and so have no idea why she brought a bottle with her - not her usual pattern of behaviour when she has visited in the past ? Well actually I think I do - I also was the naughty friend who allowed her to drink far more than usual when in my company - so I feel some sabotage/enabling going on.

This is not a comfortable thought to have about someone you thought was a good friend. I have had a conversation with her about this- which did not go well. She is here for another night and tomorrow for a pub lunch ( she booked it today - despite me saying I would prefer to cook at home!)

I am going to have to tell her even more firmly than I did that I am cooking lunch here and if she argues I am going to have to fall out with her aren't I

Hi everyone. I've been on the battle bus and now I'm going to hop on here too if that's ok! I'm 35, live in the U.S., DS age 2. And I decided at the end of Aug to go 100 days (now day 28 and it's been much easier than the first 2 weeks). Intrigued by the idea of long term sobriety because I feel more alert, peaceful and rested... Which is amazing. No decisions about that yet, though, so will carry on with the 100 and try to keep eyes and ears open. Congrats to everyone on this journey.

Hi and welcome Sirenetta . Congrats on your 28 days.

Tough one glad as I kinda see myself in your friend. I'm sure I might have done something like that in the past, well, depends what you have told her about your drinking? Unless someone said to me 'I am an alcoholic and do not want drink in the house' I might have felt they were being a bit daft and could loosen up for my visit; but then you know I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol Would she maybe have a bit of an issue with her own drinking? I wouldn't necessarily fall out with someone but it would make me want to distance myself from them in the near future, to protect my own sobriety more than anything.. Well done you for not caving in though, brilliant!

Couldn't have said that better myself fusion, so true.

Welcome Sierenetta

Custard I actually did spell it out to her in one syllable words 'I am an alcoholic and do not want drink in the house' just as you said

I am gob smacked at her reaction tbh. I was in a similar situation a few years back with another friend and I respected what she asked me to do in HER house! emphasis in her house - just as if I were a smoker tbh ...

Ahh well then, I'd be a bit pissed off tbh. Pretty bloody insensitive and disrespectful :( No normal drinker would act like that, would they?

Wow glad, she has some front reacting badly and bringing the wine in the first place since you've spelt it out to her.

I can see where you're coming from custard in general terms, but as you say if it's been spelt out clearly then really there's no excuse. I too scoffed at people saying they weren't going to drink, but did at one point (as a big party girl) live with a friend who was in recovery and her only house rule was that I didn't keep alcohol in the house - and I totally respected that. Funnily enough back then (mid 20s) I never drank at home and it wasn't an issue. Funny how that changes as you get older...

glad - it sounds like you have handled it perfectly. You haven't gone over the top and have been firm but fair. Good luck going forwards. You are doing the right thing... X

Well done.
Unfortunately we do have booze in the house. I was tempted to swig dhs wine when he went out of the room, and have previously nicked a bit of dds vodka on her shelf that she has had there for months,...

oh it all kicked off tonight - she wanted to get more booze in from an off licence after we ate our meal at home and then went out to a pub ( her suggestion!) where she had a fair bit to drink - and I asked her not to bring iany home ... I did say if she wanted to drink more, please to take it up to her room and drink it as we both didn't want to , but she insisted she wanted us all to share it despite me saying we didn't want to ...

Oh she is so angry now :( I guess she also has an alcohol problem ? I do have an alcohol problem but have never done this sort of stuff so this is well out of my experience zone ?

We didn;t drink any despite her frankly begging us to join in

oh god was that what I was like??? It is so sad

Omg glad
That is awful- she is trying to validate her own drinking and is not respecting your decision at all !

I met up with friends yesterday and we went out for an early dinner .
They all ordered several bottles of wine.
I told them I don't drink anymore -day 85 today and they were fine, no pressure at all.
Well done for holding strong.
This would be a deal breaker for me

Don't know what to say glad. I would suspect so too. No-one pesters people to drink that much, especially given what you have told her, unless she does have a problem herself. If you drink, it validates her getting drunk? There's nothing you can do really, if she's pissed there will be no talking to her tonight. You've been amazingly strong btw

Wow pink 85 days! Can't believe that much time has passed already. Yay for no pressure. Well done.

She has staggered off to bed now really I do mean staggered

OMG if I were ever like that it had given me such a wake up call..........! OMG!!! So shamed as I know I was like that

I need to think about how I can help my friend. But first, I have to help myself to being sober. So ...she goes tomorrow, and we eat at home here, to protect my precious sobriety. I get sober and then I can help others ... but not until I am sober ...

And in case anyone was wondering - no I really am talking about a friend who is staying not projecting my thoughts!

Glad, what an awful evening but I think you've handled it brilliantly.

When I gave up drinking before, my 'best' friend said I was boring because I no longer drank. We went to a party and I ended up getting wrecked. Then began another 5 years of poisoning myself.

Same friend is now a bit older and a lot wiser. She is being very supportive of my decision although she does still drink herself (in moderation).

Welcome Sirenetta. 17 days for me and yes, it does get easier. I love how everyone counts in days and not months. 100 days sounds such a long time - I'm looking forward to reaching that goal too.

I posted here a while ago and then went off to carry on with the wine for a few months. But I'm back and very pleased to say I have managed 27 days without a drink apart from one day.

I have spent many hours contemplating the ins and outs of drinking. Always come back to the point of thinking that I should just stop but unfortunately always leaving a little chink in my armour - a way to slip back to my old ways.

So here I am almost at the end of Dry September and wondering again whether it would be ok to just have a glass of wine. Or whether I could manage to just have one or two days a week. Gah!!!

While I'm teetering on the brink I did just want to say that I had one good thought today. For me having a glass of wine was a "treat" to "wind down". Especially on Fridays. But actually it never really worked - either the wine didn't taste very nice so didn't live up to its treat status, or my treat was "ruined" by one or other of my DCs interrupting my treat with their demands/ needs, which would then escalate as I was already under the influence and therefore more likely to fly off the handle at something minor, or the next day I'd feel tired/ hungover/ rubbish and achieve half of what I had planned.

But what I realised today after a month of not drinking is that, actually, I don't really need that treat so much any more as I feel less tired and irritated generally. And also that rather than knocking myself out with wine as a treat I can say, without feeling guilty, - look actually DCs/ DP/ pets and all others that I feel beholden to - I'm just a bit tired now and need to sit down in an armchair and do nothing much for an hour.

I'm going to try to sit with that thought a bit as I contemplate whether October is going to be a dry one.

Welcome Holly :)

Well done :)

After the last couple of days I have endured with my so called friend I really do mean that !

and welcome every other new poster or lurker - really, we can help you if you join us :)

and there is always Stoctober to join in with :)

Go Sober for October - sorry!

Well done glad
That sounds tough. I too can recognise myself as THAT friend (and only days ago)
4 days done.
Holly - I lurked a while ago but it was always a case of ' I won't drink tonight' and then when 'tonight' came... I did.
I hope I get the whole of October.

Thank you all for the comments last night - I was so angry and upset I nearly did have a drink! But then I thought "this is just daft - to have a drink because you are are upset by someone who wants to make you have a drink... no!"

She has gone now. Thank god that is over :( Was very unpleasant weekend and my home cooked dinner today was not appreciated as she wanted to go to a pub. Apparently I am now a miserable person who sucks all fun and life from party/people I am with. This said in response to me politely but firmly declining to have wine from the bottle she produced at dinner. Thank god she was on a train to go home as I wouldn't have been able to let her drive away after drinking it. Somehow think this weekend is the end of a very long friendship.

I got mixed up when I said I was at a conference this weekend - it is next weekend - but I wish it had been this weekend as I would have refused to have her to stay. Oh well - I will chalk it up to experience and move on ...but I will be wary of old friends coming to stay for a long while I think!

glad at some point in the future your "friend" will look back on her behaviour and feel terrible about it. It does sound as though she has issues of her own. Well done for surviving it!

Thank Teapot I feel a bit battered by it all. But yes I agree with you. She will feel terrible. When I am less upset I will try to talk it over with her and find out what was going on.

glad