DRY 8!!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

Icouldbe Another HCP here who understands and who's circle of friends and events you could have been describing. Worked in specialism of alcohol dependence so like you intellectually knew but emotionally was in denial. I had to forget about everything else but me and make the decision based on that. It helped that DH was the same and so we quit and supported each other. Please stick with us and give it a shot. I didn't think I could ever live without booze but I am coming up on 2 years and life is so much better without it. You are not broken and you can do this

Icould I can only echo everyone else. Don't disappear, please stay and talk.

None of us know it all but we are all pulling in the same direction

Sometimes, the most throw away comment can just be that breakthrough. Something someone said on another forum when I was giving up smoking helped me enormously and when I tried to to explain why she had no idea what I was going on about! She took my gushing thanks in good form though

Day 14. Bit of a strange one. I am neither happy or sad. Pensive maybe?

I have finished reading Ice and a Slice and would recommend it. It has given me food for thought and this may be why I feel as I do.

Hope everyone else is well and having a good weekend.

Evening everyone. I've had a bit of a low weekend, after yet another decline in relations with my ex which meant I felt I needed to cancel his weekend's contact with the DC this weekend. When things heat up in the divorce he goes back to being a nightmare when it comes to contact, being unreliable/late/controlling about details. It got to 7pm on Friday and he still hadn't left home to come to get the DC (he's meant to collect them at 5.30pm) so I just had enough and snapped. It's only about the 3rd time in 3 years that I've done that, and I hate it because even if justified, I feel guilty about it and hate anything that disappoints the children. But I felt so boxed in; being tormented by him with him knowing that he holds the cards and can choose to not turn up while the DC sit patiently waiting for him :(

14 months into sobriety, it is still hard when something happens like that - the kind of day which would normally have had me stopping for wine on the way home, the kind of stress where you can almost feel the hormones bouncing around inside, and which seems to dissipate instantly the second the wine is poured, like sinking into a comfy armchair. I drove over to see a friend after my lodger kindly offered to babysit, and had a good half hour in the car to really sit and 'be' with my feelings. I then listened to a Bubble Hour about feelings when I got back, an AA mantra being "feel the feelings and lose the story". Really interesting talk about how things like that happening causes physiological reactions that by drinking we override and don't allow ourselves to 'experience'. And that we shouldn't be scared of these feelings, they are proper physical reactions that will pass.

Welcome to Icould, I too hope you stick around for the journey. I was also not a daily drinker and much of what you said resonated with me. I think many of us unwittingly develop coping mechanisms; ways of allowing ourselves to keep drinking by convincing ourselves that it's all okay. In my case it was that I could go for days/weeks without a drink; that I'd stopped before with no problem eg. during pregnancy, and that in fact towards the end my drinking was more moderate than it had ever been. For me though I just felt so stuck in my life in so many ways, and had the lightbulb moment of realising that this was one thing I could remove that I'd never properly contemplated before, that could in fact be the key to everything. And I do believe it is the key to everything. My life is far from perfect, but I do feel as though there's a clarity and honesty to it now that before was never possible.

Teapot. Sounds awful.

Wow, those last couple of paragrahs are me too.

Thanks Sea. Congrats on your 14 days - big stuff.

I've read Ice and a Slice too; was one of the books I read in bed during my 'take myself to bed at 8pm' period in the early weeks. Have you read 'Girl on a Train' too? Also good. I've recently read Rob Lowe's autobiography (he's been sober for 25 years I think) and am starting to get really into reading sober biogs..

Thanks Teapot. At the moment it seems like it has been too easy. As yet I have not found myself in a really tempting situation.

Will add those books to my list. I have just started the sequel, "The Morning After the Life Before". I used to -still do- fancy Rob Lowe

Omg Tea
Your last paragraph is me too,I felt totally stuck, utterly hopeless and despairing, stopping drinking changed everything

"One day at a time" Sea. I used to think that slogan sounded so desperate and sad but now see it for what it is; why worry about what lies in the future; let's just tackle what's in front of us. I've talked about this on here before but I had my first sober wedding a a couple of months back and it was AMAZING. I'd been worried about it, but I had a great time and so did my kids. Who knew it was possible to be present in the moment, really focus on the wedding itself, and take myself off to bed safe in the knowledge that the 4 hour drive home wasn't going to be hazardous with me feeling shocking and being a grumpy old bag to my kids?

Each day in itself is totally do-able. And those individual days add up. Two weeks is excellent. How is your sleep?

Thanks Pink. I'm glad you've 'seen the light' too :)

I know Teapot. I can't help thinking ahead though.

Sleep is better when I can get it. I have a disabled toddler who doesn't sleep great. He is also going through that phase of wanting to be in mumys bed

Oddly enough I am really looking forward to a nice quiet Christmas Day. Aside from when pregnant, it will be the first time in a long time I won't be smashed by lunchtime. I am ashamed to say that I can't remember much of Christmas night last year. It will be lunch and evenings with the girls that will be hard, though they aren't very frequent.

I got very drunk and fell over on Fri night :( I now have a bruised and cut nose as a result :( I am so ashamed of myself. I feel like I should not be here tbh. Why, why can't I stay sober? I can do weeks, months at a time, and then I screw it up for myself :( So ashamed :( Sorry everyone I feel I have let you all down.

Try to focus on the positives glad. You can do weeks, months at a time. I struggled to do a single day for soooo long.

Some-one a couple of days ago asked what my trigger was, that has helped enormously. I now know my weak spots and am working on those. Do you know what triggered Friday's episode? Could you do it differently next time?

We all have blips, we just have to forgive ourselves and move on. xx

Glad You haven't let us down {hug} Time to learn from it so as not to repeat. And bubblebath asked a great question. Be gentle with yourself today yes?

You haven't let us down glad .
Reflect on why you drank and think of what you can do to prevent it happening again. Then put it in a box and move on.

glad you poor thing. First things first, please try to be kind to yourself about it - your determination to kick this is so apparent. Good advice from bubble re working out what your trigger was and what you could do differently next time.

It sounds to me as though you need more tools in your 'sober toolbox'. Was it you that read the JV book? You see I think JV and AC are great at giving the initial 'oomph' to stop and logically it all makes perfect sense, but I don't think they're as good at addressing what could be the deeper issues that led you to drink/whatever in the first place. Have you listened to the Bubble Hour episodes on Relapse, here... Relapse Triggers, I Relapsed, Now What? are a couple. Although for many people a relapse can just be caving in and having a couple of drinks one night before stopping again, it can also be the start of something very serious - and therefore I am really wary of ever having that first drink. I really don't know if I would get straight back on the horse.

Take care of yourself over the coming days, please try to put any shame or feelings of letting other people down firmly aside (you haven't let us down!) and post here as much as you need to. Big hugs to you

Oh you are all so lovely - I am crying now .

I started reading sober blogs but, actually, I find them a bit triggery ...I don't want to read about booze, I don't want to think about it - I just want to stop drinking and not have to bother with it any more. I obviously DO need more tools in my sober toolkit though. I thought I had some good ones but I obviously need some more!

Yes it was me who read the JV book and it really did make sense - and in my head I agree - but then I get stressed (some serious family issues which won't go away) and sometimes I just crack and want not to think about it all. Then I drink, too much. Although even one glass is too much for me.

Except all I end up with is the same set of stressors AND a hangover (and this time a bashed nose!)

Didn't drink Sat or last night. Nose still bruised. Trying not to feel shame but as every time I look in the mirror I see my nose - its a bit difficult!

Although - everytime I look in the mirror I am reminded why I really must not drink!

What do you find triggery about reading about other people's battles with alcohol, so you think? I get so much out of the "me too" moments and it really helps me to realise that I'm not that unusual or different.

It would be great if all we had to do was just know we should stop drinking but it's not just about the knowing. A friend of mine is about 18 months sober and he's struggling big time at the moment - as a gay man he used alcohol, drugs and sex to fill an existential hole in his life and although he's taken them away, the hole of course remains and needs dealing with separately. I'm struggling a bit at the moment too and find it a bit depressing that taking away the alcohol isn't the magic answer to all my problems. It's a start though!

That's "do you think" not "so you think" btw...

I don't know tbh - I just do! I actually steer clear of other threads on here like the Dry ones now ,as they just make me want a drink. Honestly no idea why ...unless it just puts my mind on alcohol in general. I tend not to think about it much except when actually drinking... I have too much else on my mind to do so.

Not this Dry one though! I find this hugely helpful :) I mean some of the other ones

He everyone. I love the welcome I received. I see so much of myself in the stories and people here.

I drank today because of so many reasons - we all have reasons but the biggest reason is because I drink.

I don't want to ever piss all over anyone's reason to want to be sober. We all have problems with drink and that's why we're here but I wonder if this would be better seen as a forum for drinkers who hate it rather than a forum for people who are going to stop because so many of us aren't even nearly there.

Because we're trying to stop but most of us haven't or not even close. A few of us have achieved abstinence for a while and that's amazing but the most frequent posters aren't managing it. Those with months + are amazing but a lot of us aren't even close.

What I see here is supportive and brilliant but it's a lot of people managing briefly or not so briefly then drinking again.

We should all seek support here but not kid ourselves that we're not drinking because so many of us are.

I thought this would be a forum mostly for people that beat it and that's not true. Most people don't because it's fucking hard.

If we're only managing a few days/weeks before a lapse then we're still in addiction. It doesn't matter how many days we did before.

This seems like a really negative post but I don't mean it to be. I have worked in addictions for years and I AM AN ADDICT.

The posters on here are strong people for admitting their addiction. Telling people not to give themselves a hard time for lapsing after a few days - lovely and supportive but we're still addicts. I include myself.

I'm seeing so many people on here lapsing after a few days. I care about all of you. I live what you live every day. I feel as much of a failure as you do. I feel my life is damaged by what I do when it comes to alcohol as much as you do.

So I'll be here for us. Because I'm a fuck up when it comes to booze and what happens when I drink it.

But I won't think I'm doing better or worse because I've come here and you've done more days than me or less and fallen over or whatever.

But I think that makes this a supportive forum and not a 'dry' one. I know that's probably a silly original name but I don't think it's reflective of its members (me included).

Icouldbe There are a good few people here who have longer stretches of sobriety - meaning 1 year+, and I consider this a Dry thread. There is always the Brave Babes thread for those who are still deciding on whether they drink or not. This time next week I'll hit 2 years sober to the day and I have no intention of drinking so I consider myself an addict in recovery and therefore I have stopped. I don't hate drink - it just doesn't work for me anymore :) I'm sorry your week of doing things different didn't get off to the start that you had written about earlier in the thread. Just because you drank doesn't mean the rest of us will.

Icould the op says it is for people who 'want to abstain', therefore they may not be anywhere reaching that goal but they have somewhere to go to try and focus that ambition.

I have only been here a short while myself but feel I have made huge progress. I drank almost every single day for the last five years or so, with a few failed attempts at giving up along the way, the longest being for 4 months.

But this month I have managed 11 dry days and I am proud of that. I probably would not have joined this thread if it was full of tee-totallers as I would feel intimidated by their success and my possible failure but whatever the thread is called, we are all supporting each other and for that I am thankful.

Icould this is definitely NOT a forum where - I hope! - people think competitively in terms of how much sobriety they have under their belt. It's definitely not a competition, and I do think that recovery is a lifelong journey: "living life on life's terms".

I agree with Lucy in that it IS a dry thread and many people here (some of whom don't post very often) have had great success.

I don't think anyone would say it's an easy path to take, but it is possible to put down the drink and choose a different path. I'm very very wary of being too accepting of relapse as a viable option over and over again, so you won't really see me being blase about it when people do it. But the one thing I feel very strongly is that self-hatred gets us nowhere and just makes us more likely to want to numb out our lives.