DRY 8!!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

Hello! This is our 8th! thread for those who are abstaining from alcohol and for those who want to abstain. :) We love newbies and lurkers. We have people who have been DRY for years, for months, for weeks, days, and hours. :) ALL are welcome. We have heaps of tips and we offer support at any stage.

DRY 7 the previous thread is here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2347295-DRY-7?

Thanks for the link cheese, interesting reading, I bet most of us here can relate to large chunks of what she's written. I shall refer back to it if when I have another wobble.

And thanks to whoever mentioned the smart recovery site. I have had a few problems signing up but the IT team have got back to me so should be up and running soon.

I have found this thread enormously helpful in my quest for sobriety and am determined to be where I want to be. It's bloody hard work sometimes though.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

Well done on the dry days everyone!
bubble if you have made the decision to stop, dont revisit it.
This has changed everything for me and I tried many ,many times to stop previously.
I dont drink,so there is no alcohol in the house.
Can you chuck away what you have and therefore prevent the "Shall I/shant I" happening ??

pink I don't keep alcohol in the house, I know I can't trust myself but with 24 hr shopping it is so easy to call in at 11.30 at night to get a 'nightcap' on the way home from a sober night out.

I thought I would never be able to cope with the boring nights at home but they are quite manageable, I have a bubbly bath and put my pyjamas on and get the laptop out. That keeps me entertained until bed-time. I can't watch TV without wine though, nothing to keep my fingers busy!

Drive past the 24/7! Foot down

You could knit,sew,do colouring or I could send Dcat round and you could tickle his belly
Seriously I am loving the time I now have available in the evenings, sometimes I go out for a late stroll or get out in the garden.

Hi all a friend pointed me in your direction when I said I would like to cut back my drinking to the occasional thing, at the moment I am very erratic, I can go weeks/months drinkign every night, then I can go for weeks without it and not even think about it. I'm trying to find a way I can do this anyone got any hints or tips I can try? Many thanks

Hi Kirst

Can you tell us when you drink and why? How much do you drink on average?
What is different in life when you go without?

Hi, I'd like to join but am beyond help in many ways.

I don't drink every day and never have. I never drank in secret in the past or drank when I shouldn't e.g at work.

But still I have very little (if any) control over my drinking though. My drinking isn't publicly problematic anymore though it was for a long time before.

My nights of black outs and waking up in strangers houses are over.

My conviction for drink driving was a few years ago and I haven't driven since after getting my licence back because I didn't think I deserved to drive after that. I will never not feel shame about it even though there were (the court agreed) mitigating circumstances so I wasn't just pissed, there were other reasons though it's no excuse.

The times I was sexually assaulted/robbed/upset people I loved weren't enough to make me stop drinking for more than a few days.

In the last two years i've quietly drunk alcohol on my own. My middle class heavy drinking friends see me as an example of how we can all stop drinking because I don't drink in public anymore and I was one of the 'big drinkers' before.

I can't attend AA or tell my GP I have a drinking problem because I am a well - respected MH practitioner who has to advise people on their alcohol use.

And that doesn't make me a hypocrite - because I 100% believe in and understand why I give advice about alcohol misuse.

I'm never drunk or hungover at work. No-one knows how much I drink because I'm never drunk. I don't drink at work and limit my drinking the night before but I know a normal drinker would be drunk on what I consume.

So i'm not drunk by it. So why am I doing it?. On the days I don't drink I know how much better I feel. I like myself more. I am more productive. I don't spend money on booze and fags (I only smoke when drinking).

So I know how damaging it is mentally and physically. I don't think it's normal to drink 10- 16 or more units in a session even if all my nurse, teacher and Dr friends are doing the same. And they are. Whenever I talk about reducing alcohol intake or decline a drink they try to make me have one. Some of the biggest alcoholics I know are in superior positions in health care. But if we're not in gutters or drinking special brew in the morning we're not drunks right?.

But I keep doing it. 3/4/5 days sober aren't unusual for me so somehow I excuse today where I've drunk 8 cans of lager. And can still write a post on MN. I know that's because my body has adapted to this level of poison every few days.

And i'll go to bed in a minute even though it's too early but otherwise, I'd drink more. And I'll wake up at 3 am ish and lie awake for hours wondering why I drink.

I'll NC after this but have been watching this thread for a long time and stopped myself posting due to my profession.

I should know better and I DO. I just don't apply it to myself.

icouldbe I am really new to this so don't feel qualified to give you advice.
Please stay with us.

Why does giving up booze cause so much weight loss. When I was drinking I was on 2 to 3 bottles of wine per week. Since stopping I've gone from a size 10-12 to a size 8. That seems a lot to lose.

Thanks sea. I absolutely know I have a problem and need to stop but in a way, the fact it isn't a 'problem' as in it doesn't affect my work or relationships makes it more difficult. If I didn't stop when I was putting myself in seriously dangerous situations or ruining nights out for me and other people, it's less of a problem now surely?.

And I socialise with senior heads of year (teachers) who don't drink all week but bring six bottles of wine for a married couple to drink on a Friday night pizza and film night.

And Consultant Psychiatrists in their late 30s and beyond who get so hammered every Friday after work that they throw up or get 'lairy' with people.

Or my best friend who gave a lecture at a conference this week with a cut on his head where he'd fallen down pissed at tea- time on a week day because he'd got pissed with colleagues after the gym.

I'm the only one out of all of us that thinks we have problems with drink. And they belittle my feelings and opinions. And I know that's because they can't face it despite all their intelligence and experience of addiction.

But it makes it bloody hard to want to change your drinking when such clever and knowledgeable people are so deeply in denial.

It also shows how powerful it is and how insidious alcohol abuse is.

I don't think you are beyond help Icouldbe.
I completely understand everything you have said. At my worst I wouldn't, or couldn't stop, despite the hurt to myself and my loved ones.

I am not totally sure what has changed, but I no longer want to feel the way I have over the last 15 years.

I think you need to concentrate on yourself, ignore what others do or think. Can you travel to AA in the next town, or maybe look at doing SMART online?

Icouldbe I understand, I really do - not a MH professional but a different field, with similar people around me :(

You can do it you know - we are all here to help :)

Icould I understand as well. The circle of friends and colleagues that I live in...... big big drinkers. Problem drinkers almost to a person. Smart people. People at the peak of their careers. Educated, well-regarded in their professional spheres, and believe me I think with the exception of DH who does not care much, problem drinkers. And there is a heap of denial. Except that yesterday one friend said he was thinking of moving out of our town because it was not doing his liver any good. He meant it..... we are in a very boozy kind of circle. I have a friend who ended up in hospital with a broken leg with no idea at all how she got there due to drinking. The next week she was meant to deliver a research paper to European MPs. Everyone thought it was hilarious. We are in our 40s and 50s and people still share drinking stories and laugh.

alcohol is our society...... we have been conditioned to feel all of that is normal. It's normal to have a hangover and to end up with unexplianed bruises. That's a good night out.

It's really strange. I think people more and more are seeing through this though......I do think that.

Cheesy is right.

More and more people are seeing through it. Doesn't make it any easier though does it?

I agree with sea, we are all here to help

Also Icould, I understand what you mean about it not affecting others at the moment.

But it is affecting you. And you need to think about you right now.

Today, I won't be drinking. One day at a time.

Oh bloody hell, I've got verbal diarrhoea!!

What I meant to add is that the effect it is having on you will, by default, also be effecting others. Im also aware that my use of effect and affect have been crap this morning!

I am reading sober is the new black at the mo. I've read a lot of books about giving up the booze but this is the one that is actually meaning something to me. The bit where she describes having a 'technicolour' life moment has meant a lot to me. Because it's selfish!

Welcome Icouldbe I'm new here too, so early days for me on my journey to sobriety but am starting to see the alcoholic fog lift.

I used to go on another forum a few years ago and had a really bad session and next morning posted something along the lines of 'is there no hope for me?'. Some well meaning tee-totaller came along and said 'no, there isn't any hope'. Put me straight back to square one, left me feeling I didn't deserve to be in the company of these people and once again I was left alone with my bottle of wine.

I also went to my GP and asked for help. He said that if I didn't stop drinking he would report me to DVLA and get my driving licence removed, I didn't go back again.

Like so many people, I was am a functioning alcoholic. But I Know I drink too much and that makes me unhappy. I recently read that happiness isn't a destination, it's a way of life. So I believe that if I remove the sources of my unhappiness I have a greater chance of being the happy person I want to be.

Finally, Abundatia, I like your post. I've put on 3 stone whilst drinking, I think it's a combination of the empty calories, extra eating to 'absorb' the calories and the inactivity of slobbing in front of the tv. I am looking forward to getting back into my size 10's (hopefully by Xmas). I've lost 4lbs already this month, and that makes me happy too.

oh, and Pink, I went out for a meal last night, had 2 blue becks, drove home (without speeding!) and had my bath and Horlicks. I am so proud. Thank you.

Icould sounds familiar to me as well!
I don't know a single senior colleague who doesn't drink a bottle of wine beforegoing out and then 2 bottles plus shots over the course of the evening.
Frequent injuries the norm and laughed about, absences not entering the usual sickness management process as it was "an accident" "poor x" etc
I went on a conference last year where 2very senior professionals were crawling around on the floor and fell over in the middle of dinner.
The next day they behaved like nothing had happened.

I considered my alcohol intake to be excessive and it was detrimental to my health and MH.
I never went over 2 glasses and so was considered "lightweight" although I was consuming about 30 units a week( at home usually)

In some ways this made it easier for me to stop as I wasnt considered part of the gang and was seen as a bit lame.

Its a massive hidden issue but I think that the tide is slowly changing, certainly the younger colleagues don't seem to drink much at all.

Don't name change, stay here and talk to us.

Brilliant bubble

"But is affecting you"

Wise words Tang, detaching yourself from theirnorm is the way to go.

I start my new job at the beginning of Nov so I will be teetotal from the start.

Thanks all. A fab welcome which I appreciate a lot.

Tang - that's the thing, I have so many technicolour moments on the days I don't drink. I LOVE not drinking, I love how I feel physically and mentally. I love that I realise I'm actually pretty cool and not disgusting. I love being able to go out and not drink and enjoy it so much more than when I was drinking.

But still...2 or 3 days a week I drink a huge quantity of booze by myself usually and then I feel disgusting and ashamed. I just don't know how to stop. I've read all the books, I know all the advice I give others. I've tried all of it.

And cheesy - you're right, it's hard being part of a heavy drinking circle of professionals. I see it as all so abnormal now. It's not normal to go out for lunch but instead of eating, you drink for 10 hours.

It's not normal for two HCP (me and best friend) who are almost 40 to take cans of G and T into the bloody cinema at midday and leave twenty minutes before the end of the film because we've run out of booze and can't wait for a few minutes till the next drink.

And I'm inadvertently conning loads of people because they think I hardly drink any more. I'm not lying to anyone - if they asked me I'd be honest but they're not seeing me drink that much. I'm even conning myself because in my head I think I don't drink that much any more because i'm not getting wankered on nights out but I'm probably drinking as much or more now if I'm honest.

It has to stop. What's frightening me is its too easy these days. No hangovers, no-one expressing concern about my drinking, no more 'oh what the Fuck did I do last night?' mornings. But I will end up quietly and easily drinking myself into an early grave.

It has to stop and I've been through all the negotiations of only drinking on certain days or only drinking beer not spirits or not starting drinking till 8 pm or trying to limit it to three drinks. None of it works. I need to stop completely.

I have this week off work. I have ordered adult colouring in books to have something to do. I feel like if I could just manage one week that will be the longest I've gone without drink in about 5 years and that will motivate me to continue.

If I disappear from here in a couple of days it's because I've failed and I feel too ashamed to come back but I'm going to try my hardest.

No judgement here icould please stay and talk through your feelings over the next few days. If it was easy and no one needed support this thread wouldn't exist!
If you slip, then we will all understand as we've all been there.
Welcome by the way - I'm new here but will support you all I can. Others here have so much more wisdom.

Icould Please don't be ashamed. That's where I was 5 years ago on a previous forum and that resulted in another 5 years of being on that awful treadmill.

I've had a couple of blips already this month but I am taking a previous posters attitude of counting the positives. Okay, I didn't achieve my dry September but I am now 10 days sober out of 13. A massive improvement for me. (I drank every day) .

Aim for total sobriety, but if you don't achieve it, count what positives you have achieved. It's got to be better than where you are now. x

Don't feel ashamed - we know what its like ,we have all been there.
You have taken the first step which is recognising that you need to stop, rather than try to cut down.

I tried so many times to cut down and returned to it after a few days or weeks of "being good" .Like an idiot I rewarded my abstinence with alcohol
Apologies to those who have heard it all before what changed everything for me was a colleague who gave up smoking after years and years of trying and failing simply by not revisiting her decision on a daily basis.
She explained it to me and instantly I recognised the "bargaining" I was doing each day and that was the reason I failed so many times.
I made my decision on 4th July, haven't revisited it and I don't even think about it anymore, I have no cravings and feel amazing.
The stress and anxiety I felt was the result of my drinking, I do recognise that if there are other events or reasons for your anxiety and stress that these will need to be addressed as well.
Plan your week in advance ,get rid of alcohol and get some nice AF drinks in.
Please keep talking to us .