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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do I ask him out?

130 replies

Turtletea · 22/07/2015 07:58

What should I do? My son's best friend has a Dad who I quite fancy. He was divorced years ago and as far as I and my son's friend knows, there's no one else around. Do I ask him out, or will it just be mortally embarrassing for ever after if he declined? If so, how do I do it? Strategies please?

OP posts:

Milllii · 25/07/2015 09:35

Men tend to let you know if they are interested. They can't hide it. Try old fashioned flirting and being friendly. He might like to take his time to get to know a woman.

ChilliAndMint · 25/07/2015 09:41

Oh yes men can hide it just like the OP is hiding it.

It's a coffee, not a proposal FGS. Lot's of men and women meet for coffee as friends.

OP if you don't text him I will be very cross with you.

Original poster

Turtletea · 25/07/2015 09:45

I'm not going to text him, if I ask him it will be f2f

OP posts:

Milllii · 25/07/2015 09:47

We shall see.

WienerDiva · 25/07/2015 09:47

I am shamelessly place marking because these are my favourite kinds of threads.

But I'll say this, stop worrying about what the children will think so much, they don't have the experience with regards to affairs of the heart and just ask him out!

rouxlebandit · 25/07/2015 10:00

I'm enjoying this too Wiener but I've got to go out. OP, just keep your romantic feelings out of it atm and be like a mate with him for now. If things move on (which we're all hoping!) then it will be him asking YOU out. Must dash (I'm a man btw)

Milllii · 25/07/2015 10:32

Totally agree Roux. Rush him and you may scare him off.

Original poster

Turtletea · 25/07/2015 15:11

Didn't get the chance at drop off, was very quick. He's dropping off later tonight...

OP posts:

Milllii · 25/07/2015 15:33

Don't do it. Even the man on this thread advised you not to do it. He will ask you IF he finds you attractive and wants to get to know you on a more personal level.

Milllii · 25/07/2015 15:36

He may say yes out of feeling awkward and that's not what you want. You will feel insecure and uncertain if you do the running. If he asks you then you know exactly where you stand.

ChilliAndMint · 25/07/2015 20:37

It's getting silly now, why can't she ask him to meet for coffee? It's really not a big deal!

I have been chatted up today by a lovely man at work. I have every intention of calling him and have no expectations about romance and suchlike.That said he could be the love of my life.. it's so lovely to feel that someone is attracted to you.

I am meeting AA man for coffee next week..he is very witty and smart but I suspect very shy. Coffee and an bible around Brum's Art galleries does not suggest I am going to jump his bones. But it's anyone's guess if there will be any sort of romantic attraction or not.

Life is a blessing , why waste it wondering " what if?"

Ask him round for coffee, perhaps cook a meal, anything, he would most likely love the opportunity to do something just for himself.

FriendofBill · 25/07/2015 21:43

I agree Chilli.
Baffled why one human being cant ask another to coffee.
Even the MAN said on the thread!
The MAN!
Better do what the man says then.
As he speaks for the whole species clearly. And knows this chap better than the OP, by the fact that they both have a penis.

Ffs!

Homebird8 · 25/07/2015 21:46

Just got to put the other side to. Milllii's exhortations. In my dating days I never hung back from asking men for a date and had a few lovely boyfriends that developed from it. I even asked my DH to marry me and twenty happy years of marriage later he doesn't seem offended. He does claim he's never said yes though.

SoundsLegit · 26/07/2015 09:39

I've taken the lead with asking men out for the last 3 relationships I've had. All of them were very pleased I had ( I found out afterwards one was too shy to ask me out, one didn't think I'd be interested so didn't bother and one was still figuring out the best way to do it - we're now married).

I don't think men automatically have to make the first move. I also think it's ridiculous to say that if they don't ask you out they are definitely not interested. That could well be true but it certainly isn't my experience.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 26/07/2015 10:39

Turtletea I don't think you should ask him out before you've even tested the water by flirting with him face to face to . OK, you've spoken, but were you getting vibes from him? I mean would you go up to a man in a bar who's shown no indidication he finds you attractive and would want to go out with you? You'd suss them out first, right?

Original poster

Turtletea · 26/07/2015 14:15

We spent some time together at a school event 1 2 1 last week, and chatted. Didn't really get any vibes off him either way, though he started the conversation. He was a lot warmer at drop off last night, but I bottled asking him in, and both our sons were hanging about. I'm not going to see him now until the end of August so it's kind of a moot point. He seems like such a nice guy though

OP posts:

rouxlebandit · 26/07/2015 16:20

Hi FriendofBill! Are you trying to scare me off this forum talking about my private bits? Aren't there rules about that? Only joking!
I actually agree with you. I'm just advising the OP to think of it as getting to know someone purely as a friend. It seems to be her attraction to this man that's making her hesitate in case, over an inocuous coffee or a meal, she won't be able to refrain from throwing her arms round him and declaring her feelings. And why wait till the end of August? It may sound sexist but haven't you got something that needs fixing - maybe a job that we men are good at? When did you last check the engine oil, tyre pressures, gutters..........? Come on girl, go for it!!!
Another thought - why not practise/hone your social skills on men that you don't particularly fancy but who are decent, pleasant and good company?

WhereAreMyDragons · 26/07/2015 17:16

Why are you not going to see him until end of August? School hols or is he going away?
Seriously, just text him

gelwax · 26/07/2015 18:08

Bloody text him and ask him to meet for a drink. I always ask men out and have mostly not been knocked back. If you're not going to SEE him for a month, you'll have time to get over it if he says no or turns out to be in a relationship already. Nothing venture, nothing have. Go get him!

garrettbobbyferguson · 26/07/2015 18:22

Go on op text him!

Original poster

Turtletea · 26/07/2015 18:42

He's really perfunctory over text so it's never going to work. My kids are away at various places until
End August so won't have an excuse reason to contact him until then.

OP posts:

garrettbobbyferguson · 26/07/2015 20:52

Why do you need an excuse? What about ringing him?or asking him out just for a coffee(the way you would a friend) and asking him out properly face to face.

Original poster

Turtletea · 26/07/2015 20:59

I won't see him face to face until end august.

OP posts:

garrettbobbyferguson · 26/07/2015 21:27

Unless you ask him out for a coffee (as a friend)

Original poster

Turtletea · 26/07/2015 21:30

How can I ask him if I won't see him I don't want to text him.

OP posts:

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