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Original poster

Do I ask him out?

130 replies

Turtletea · 22/07/2015 07:58

What should I do? My son's best friend has a Dad who I quite fancy. He was divorced years ago and as far as I and my son's friend knows, there's no one else around. Do I ask him out, or will it just be mortally embarrassing for ever after if he declined? If so, how do I do it? Strategies please?

OP posts:
Jan45 · 23/07/2015 16:27

I would never ask a man out and yes I know that's old fashioned but that's me. What if he says no and tells his son and they make a bit of a joke out of you.......eugh no.

If you really must satisfy your curiosity, could you not pass your number to him? I think you saying he wont ask you out is a pretty obvious red flag.

Spell99 · 23/07/2015 16:31

"I think you saying he wont ask you out is a pretty obvious red flag."

I think i disagree with this Jan. There are all sorts of sensible reasons why he might not. It could be a flag but not necessarily so IMHO.

ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 16:37

Just a short text would suffice....you're hardly asking him to be your boyfriend at this stage now are you?

Think about it...bet you wouldn't think twice about texting a female to meet up for coffee .

Jan45 · 23/07/2015 16:39

When I say red flag I mean there's a good chance he might turn her down, not that there's anything dodgy about him. Probably wrong wording there.

ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 16:40

What child isn't a bit bleugh about anything remotely romantic or sexual especially if it involves their own parents regardless of whether they are married to each other, single or otherwise..

InTheBox · 23/07/2015 17:00

ChilliAndMint Are living vicariously through these sorts of threads for the summer!? Grin I've noticed a rise in these sort of should I shouldn't I type of threads since June-ish. Is it something to do with summer?

InTheBox · 23/07/2015 17:01

*Are you that should read

ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 17:20

Was thinking the same thing..is Venus rising or whatever??

Not living vicariously oh no!

Have myself a date lined up for next week with AA man;) whom I asked out.

There are 3 of these threads going and I'm on them all...oh I do like a bit of romance.( and egging on)

FriendofBill · 23/07/2015 20:45

When you drop him off start a conversation, what are their plans, oh that sounds fun/exciting/boring/whatever...he might ask you to join them?

Or you could start a text conversation 'what are you up to sat? Do I need to bring anything special/something to help?
How was your day?
Etc. etc.

If he is responding keenly you will know.

newnamesamegame · 23/07/2015 21:08

Maybe I'm missing something, and I'm all for seizing the initiative and all that... but I've never once in my entire life found being proactive with a man to be productive. They always ALWAYS say no the first time you make your intentions clear, even if they then come around later. I can't think of a single exception to this rule.

Or maybe it's just me :)

Which is fine, if you're OK with the possible embarrassment and prepared to sit it out a bit. But the odds of him saying yes if you ask him for a data directly are about 100 to 1. Men just hate being asked....

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 21:32

Really new name? Even in 2015. I've tried starting a convo on text about arrangements for Saturday but his text back are just info, nothing more. But he is a technophobe.

OP posts:
griselda101 · 23/07/2015 21:37

what about a parents and kids bbq at yours - invite some other parents / kids so it doesn't look like you're singling him out?

newnamesamegame · 23/07/2015 21:54

Turtle I know its 2015 etc and I sound like I've swallowed a copy of The Rules. It's just never, ever worked for me. Every time I've done it they've run a mile and I'm nothing special but I'm not hideous or desperately undesirable. In my experience men always want to feel they've done the chasing.

What they do quite frequently do, in my experience, is say "no" at first blush, go away and think about it and then decide they like you after you've moved on and lost interest :)

ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 22:15

"If you don't ask ,you don't get"

I have mostly been proactive in asking men out. For goodness sake this is 2015, what is with you women? Men and women are not a breed apart you know..you can talk to men, it isn't tantamount to offering them sex on a plate.

ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 22:19

So you can't text him and say, " Fancy meeting for a coffee at the park on Saturday, kid's are at their dad's and would be nice to have a catch up?"

Really...he would not be able to reply to that?

If that is the case I would throw the proverbial towel in and look elsewhere.

Twinklestein · 23/07/2015 22:46

I've asked men out in the past and it was fine, but I did know they were interested.

The problem here is you have no idea what he thinks of you on the basis of chats at the school gate, so the potential of it being awkward is high.

If it were me I'd go for the day out scenario, see how that went, gauge his interest, ask about gfs and go from there.

FriendofBill · 23/07/2015 22:48

Good one Chilli. Sensible sane message.

Cabrinha · 24/07/2015 00:29

Love your odds picked out of nowhere there, new name!

I've asked men out. My last boyfriend in fact. Which lasted 18 months.

I expect it's not bad thing to weed out men who ONLY like the chase Hmm

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 24/07/2015 00:31

I wouldn't ask him out. Drop hints.

FolkGirl · 24/07/2015 06:21

I've asked out a few men recently. In fact, the two who asked me turned out to be married.

As for the ones I asked, one declined politely, it was never mentioned again and had no impact on our friendship. The other two ended up in short relationships. Both of which I ended.

I'd have no trouble asking someone out.

But then I do tend to think it's flattering if someone finds you attractive/wants to get to know you better, rather than mortifyingly embarrassing for them.

Original poster
Turtletea · 25/07/2015 08:28

So today's the day. What's my plan?

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 25/07/2015 08:47

Good morning.

I take it you are feeling brave!

What I wrote up thread, in your own works obviously....

Aalreet, Mornin' Oliver, Ah wez wondering if yee waad leik te meet me fre coffee the dayuh, the kids are at thor dads an it waad be canny te taak

FriendofBill · 25/07/2015 09:19

What are you up to today? I'm childfree and heading to town for coffee if you'd like to join me?

12 you say?
See you then.

Milllii · 25/07/2015 09:27

If he is really interested in you, he will let you know and he will ask YOU out.

ChilliAndMint · 25/07/2015 09:34

Do it OP...poor bloke probably doesn't think you are interested.

Someone's got to make the first move.

He'll either say;

Yes that would be great !

Sorry I'm a bit busy today or

Can't make it today sorry, how about we meet up another time ?