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Original poster

Do I ask him out?

130 replies

Turtletea · 22/07/2015 07:58

What should I do? My son's best friend has a Dad who I quite fancy. He was divorced years ago and as far as I and my son's friend knows, there's no one else around. Do I ask him out, or will it just be mortally embarrassing for ever after if he declined? If so, how do I do it? Strategies please?

OP posts:
Mimigolightly · 22/07/2015 14:48

Just be up front about it and ask him out for a drink. If he says "no" then you know where you stand and haven't had to rope both your DSs into a day out.

arsenaltilidie · 22/07/2015 16:40

Can't you add him on FB.
And message him from there

Original poster
Turtletea · 22/07/2015 17:55

He appears to be a complete technophobe, not that I have been cyberstalking no Facebook, no LinkedIn no whatsapp

OP posts:
NewsreaderChic · 22/07/2015 23:18

My brother was mates with another boy in his sports club, his Dad was single as was DMum after a while they got to know each other and went on a date. That was thirty years ago and there been together ever since. DSis and I were in our teens but Dbro was about ten and the boys loved it, a lot of DM and dSD's early relationship involved the boys so they got to go on loads of days out etc.

go for it.

Cabrinha · 22/07/2015 23:24

I would rope the boys into a day out. Who needs two gooseberries?!
Fine if you barely knew him and wanted to suss him out, but you're already chatting at school events.

Do you have his number?
I'd drop your son off, then after pick up (so you don't have to see the sad same day if it's not a go-er) I'd text something like "seem to spend all the time facilitating his social life and not mine Hmm time to redress the balance - do you fancy a drink next time you're child free?"

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 00:35

Yes I do have his number- I'd love to have the balls to text that!

OP posts:
ChristinaTweet · 23/07/2015 00:49

Turtletea... why not ask him out for a coffee/drink on a friendly basis and see how it goes? Nothing wrong with that

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 08:02

So when I drop my son off on Saturday, should I just ask him out for a drink?

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 23/07/2015 08:23

My suggested text doesn't take balls! You're just asking him for a drink, not laying anything on the line. If he was your kid's friend's mum, you text that without even thinking about it!

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 08:32

That's true, but it's different and I am sure he will see it as a date.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 23/07/2015 08:36

But that's the point, isn't it?
He sees it is a date? Without you having to say "date me?" so it's a bit easier to still face him if he comes back with something non committal.

Come on girl, you want a date, it's going to have to sound like a date! Grin

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 08:37

I'm going to try to suss out his place when I drop off on Saturday to try to detect a female presence.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 23/07/2015 08:38

Use his loo and check for tampons Grin

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 10:17

Excellent strategy.

OP posts:
flatbellyfella · 23/07/2015 11:52

Ask him directly if he is single or does he have a partner, I am sure he won't be shocked if you follow up with a " would you like to come out with me one day" if he is free.

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 13:08

Oh god it's all so embarrassing! I think I will try to suss out a female influence at his flat, then try to find out whether he has a partner( though my son says he doesn't)

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 13:15

Why don't you just ask him if he has a gf? He might take that as a cue to ask you out, you never know..

I've just messaged a man and asked him if he'd like to meet for coffee and he said "Yes". We have spoken numerous times but never got as far as mentioning a date.

penguinsaresmall · 23/07/2015 13:17

I've seen a few threads like this lately. I can't help thinking surely it would save a lot of angst to just make it clear you like him next time you're talking (ie with some old fashioned flirting) and then hopefully he'll ask you out.

Am I just out of touch or something?

willconcern · 23/07/2015 13:19

If you asked him out for a drink, like Cabrinha suggests, and he says no, does that matter? Surely he'd just be flattered?! I know I would be.

Sometimes you just have to take a risk. I did that with my DP. Asked him out, he said yes, bob's your uncle!

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 13:21

He's not going to ask me out. His son never wants him to have a partner.

OP posts:
penguinsaresmall · 23/07/2015 13:22

But Turtle if you're so sure he won't ask you out for that reason, surely he won't say yes if you ask him for the same reason?

Original poster
Turtletea · 23/07/2015 13:23

Maybe he wouldn't go out looking but if it came and knocked on his door he would?

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 23/07/2015 13:31

Most kids say they don't want their single parents to have partners.

His son is 10 FFS ..is he still going to object to his father meeting someone when he is say 25?

Life's too short..grab the bull by the horns and send him a text or a funny picture..anything to start the ball rolling.

Spell99 · 23/07/2015 15:56

Ask him out, between his son and the fact that your kids are friends he is probably just as nervous about asking as you are. He just doesn't have an internet forum egging him on. Seriously what's the worst he can say.

InTheBox · 23/07/2015 16:23

His son doesn't want him to have a partner. Presumably his father doesn't want his son to spend all day everyday playing x-box or whatever or living solely on pizza, chocolate and coca-cola?

Nothing spent, nothing gained. No-one ever died of embarrassment.

Wrangle the boys into an activity that will see them going off on their own but includes you both being there. Think theme park, beach, day out.

I quite like the suggestion of a playdate at either of your houses with the boys going off and doing whatever leaving you two gooseberries behind and you both cook for each other. He brings the wine to yours or you bring the wine to his.

Whatever you choose you must find out where he stands. Now go forth and discover!!