Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Step inside it's the Dating Thread 92!

1002 replies

Whatsforsupper · 17/07/2015 13:39

I'm not one for songs Or starting threads I saw the last one was full.

I shall post The Rules shortly:)

OP posts:
Nevergoingtolearn · 16/08/2015 08:05

Balders, I have had similar with guys in their 40's without children, they seem very full on and then get angry when I don't message them straight back. I had great sipuccess with POF when I first joined, lots of messages from some normal(ish) people, went on a few dates, none worked out but made a few friends, now things have slowed down and I only really get messages from rough looking men that live miles away and have nothing in common with me, I get about one message a day but I rarely respond to any now Sad.

Mr 2 hours away was messaging me yesterday, told me he was going to have a few drinks with a friends and then he sent me several drunk messages during the evening, really annoyed me, why do I need to know he's out getting pissed? And why sat 'sorry'? I'm not his wife or even his gf Hmm, woke up to several new messages which I have ignored.

I have a child free day today and no date lined up, Mr Ginger is working ( if he wasn't we would be meeting up ), I haven't really got the energy to arrange a date with anyone else, going to go shopping on my own and chill out at home for a bit.

niceupthedance · 16/08/2015 08:07

Balders, maybe you need to separate the issues; if you suffer from low self esteem and body confidence I would tackle that first. When and if you find someone you would like to date you may have to face rejection, people shagging you then not responding, people with many issues... Basically it's a jungle out there and if you aren't bullet proof you will probably find it hard to cope with.

Colourmylife1 · 16/08/2015 10:23

Minmooch Thanks for your reply. It's what I need to hear! I do understand and am trying to be patient. I read so many horror stories on hear I just want to be sure I'm not being a mug!

I posted on the main Relationship board as it occurred to be it belonged there more than here! Sorry if I breached Mumsnetiquette but I'm new to posting although a long time lurker.

Having reading some of the OLD horror stories in here I have to say my experience is different. I wonder if it's an age thing? Before meeting my current 'boyfriend' I met up I with 5-6 men. They all seemed to be nice decent, attractive guys. It makes me wonder if it's an age thing? I'm in my 50s and it crossed my mind that there are more good men in that age-group? (Emerging from long marriages, widowed?). Just a thought and I'm happy to be told it's rubbish!

polealltheway · 16/08/2015 10:48

Bladers - online dating can be very annoying with not a lot of great choice it can become very depressing at times. Are there any dating events near you? I have been to a few, I havnt met anyone I've really liked but I just think Atleast you can meet them in person instead of online?

Also I know how you feel about wobbly bits etc, I feel the same but honestly if a man likes you he won't see that as an issue, I'm sure some of the guys on the thread will agree.

polealltheway · 16/08/2015 10:56

So I've popped back in again with the same problem, I posted a little while ago to say I had a date with a guy and slept with him. He is very sweet, he is 3 years younger than me but seems very young, he doesn't drive and isn't very ambitious. Now we have had 3 dates but message every day, he said he would like to take me on holiday before the year is out and I like that he messages me a lot although I'm now starting to get bored.

I think I need to end it but I'm really not sure how, he told me before how people he has met always go back to their exes after a little while with him.

Well it seems I am likely to do the same.

I mentioned last time about a guy I was seeing on and off for years. After I slept with the other guy I called my ex as I felt guilty in a way. Anyway we have been chatting abit since and it's been going well.

He had been showing much more interest although it worries me its all part of the chase and if I get close to him again he will pull away.

He is a mr unavailable, I know this and this is why I try to stay away but I also really want to be around him. Within the last few days we were talking and I have been quite honest saying I feel he does care etc and that he can cut off and I don't like it, he Told me something massive about his family that made me understand even more why he is the way he is and he has some things he really needs to deal with.

Since then we met up and had a lovely evening and I feel he is making an effort now, but will it ever be enough? Oh I'm confused ConfusedConfusedConfused

Midori1999 · 16/08/2015 20:01

Sorry, I've not been on as I've been so busy and my ex is causing some problems, which is exhausting.

Not sure if anyone remembers Mr. Too Good To Be True from the last thread? Basically met him about 3 months ago. Surgeon, not a particularly open person but great sense of humour and made me laugh non stop. Also super, super hot, great body and an amazing lover. He rather unceremoniously ditched me after we'd seen each other about half a dozen times but then contacted me a week later to ask to see me again. We did, but it was just sex really, although we agreed to date and then I got insecure and had a slight crazy strop and deleted his number.

Still with me? Blush all that was almost a month ago and he then messaged me Friday night asking if I was still ignoring him (typical jokey style) and we chatted a little, superficially and he met me last night when I was out with friends, then had to go into work and then collected me later and I went back to his, although I couldn't stay... He opened up a little to me about being very cautious due to being hurt in the past and I suspect that although he appears super confident he's maybe a little insecure.

Anyway, today he's gone back to his 'usual' not alway replying to texts, avoiding questions etc and being very cryptic... Says he 'doesn't do dating'. It drives me nuts and I feel like maybe he's just in this for the sex, but I'm pretty sure he could get that easily, so why keep getting on contact? I'm wondering if opening up to me a little has scared him somehow and he's now acting like a dick due to that? I have told him that if it's only about sex then fine but I'd rather know. know I should walk away, but I do really like him except for his apparent commitment issues.

Knightknight · 16/08/2015 20:39

Midori, get on the "baggage reclaim " website- there's lots about this behaviour- that site has helped me massively this weekend...

Nevergoingtolearn · 16/08/2015 22:38

Midori, I have met a couple men like this, I struggle to understand if they are just after sex, wether they want a relationship but are scared of what in entails or if they are just unsure of what they actually want. Mr Ginger is similar and confuses me but I guess I can be like it too, he seems to freak out if I mention anything too full on but its ok for him to mention it Hmm, tonight he asked me if I would like to go away with him for a couple nights, now I'm not sure what to think, does this mean he wants something more or does he just want a dirty weekend, he says he enjoys my company ( even though we have only really met once ), we talk every day through FB, sometimes it's about sex and other times it's just general chit chat, sometimes he will back off a bit and disappear for a day. I wish there was a book that explained male behaviour but I guess they are all so different.

SuperFlyHigh · 17/08/2015 09:48

Midori sorry but someone who ditches you after sex and then gives the 'cautious and hurt' line isn't good. Also I very much believe that when a man says things like 'they don't do dating' listen to them. Headfuckery issues which have caught me out - re commitment.

Never why are you giving Mr 2 Hours and Mr Ginger head-space? I wouldn't like the fact that Mr 2 Hours is texting you when drunk.

Mr Extrovert has been texting me this morning - hoping to arrange a date at some point with him.

Mr Herts (can't think of a name) have been emailing seems really nice - was getting a bit tired of ping pong emailing so suggested a date and he replied yes. which is nice.

notlookingyet · 17/08/2015 12:56

I'm new to the thread. Separated earlier this year, not looking for anyone yet but did find myself with a very attractive man this week and suddenly my head is a bit of a mess.

I just decided to post on here as I can imagine giving very mixed signals if I do start dating soon. I'm coming out of a long marriage, definitely don't want to get into a relationship any time soon but can imagine having a bit of a fling. I can see it is really messy to have people like me potentially interacting with people who are ready to commit.

notlookingyet · 17/08/2015 12:58

Oh, and the other thing with 'dating'. I've never done dating in my life, and don't even really know how to.

Nevergoingtolearn · 17/08/2015 13:52

Notlooking, I am in a similar situation, I haven't been separated for long, was married for 10 years ( together for 12 ), it is hard, I planned on just having a bit of fun but I do find feelings get in the way and it becomes a bit scary.

Super, I think I'm only talking to Mr 2 hours away because I have no one else to chat too, I guess I am kind of using him Hmm, Mr Ginger on the other hand is different, I do feel something towards him but I think we are both as bad as each other at not wanting to say exactly what it is we want, I think we are both scared of commitment due to our pasts, neither of us really want to rush things but sometimes it seems hard not to rush things, at the moment it's almost impossible to see each other due to it being the summer holidays ( any time he has off work is spend with his dc's and I don't get much time without mine ), he has asked me to go away with him for 2 nights when the dc's are back at school. I am confused as to what I should do as I really like him but I think it's going to be hard work for us to have a serious relationship due to us both having busy lives.

Bant · 17/08/2015 15:57

As one of the guys on the thread I agree with polealltheway - if a man really likes you, and isn't incredibly shallow, then he'll appreciate your curves.

It's not quite that simple though - I dated a fair bit over the last couple of years, and sometimes whilst I fancied and liked someone enough to sleep with them, I then went off them fairly quickly once we'd done the deed. I didn't set out to just shag and run, that was never my intention at all, but something would put me off them once the lust-tinted glasses had come off. Something which before I hadn't noticed or I'd found interestingly quirky rapidly became irritating.

One woman I dated for a while was quite large but dressed to hide it - body stockings etc. So after a few dates we went to bed and it was.. okay. But then she started saying and doing things which were new - casual racism and a few things like that, and at the same time I just stopped fancying her physically. So from her perspective I broke things off once we'd slept together a couple of times, from my perspective I found out I didn't really like her very much, stopped fancying her - including her wobbly bits - and broke things off.

However, my girlfriend at the moment is embarrassed about her wobbly bits. She's far from skinny and doesn't like her shape but I think I like her wobbly bits more than she does. But then I'm in love with her and would like and fancy her no matter what size she was, because I've fallen in love for the first time in years and she's pretty damned perfect in my eyes, no matter what shape she is.

Some men will only go for skinny women, some men prefer larger. If you've got a good thing going with someone though, where it's about the person and not the body, then wobbly bits aren't an issue. The problem is that people often end up in bed when they're still trying to work out if they truly like each other, and I think men can go off someone once those lust-coloured glasses come off, for whatever reason.

If I'd gone to bed with my girlfriend on our first date, I don't know if I'd have been put off her for some spurious reason my brain made up, because of her wobbly bits or the way she sneezes or whatever, because I didn't yet appreciate how kind and witty and clever and sexy she is. As it was, we took a fair while before we went to bed, by which time I already knew how great she is.

Anyway. There's no one answer, and all men are different. Not sure how much help that is, but there you go.

Nevergoingtolearn · 17/08/2015 17:37

Bant, I think it can be exactly the same for women ( well for me anyway ). I guess when you start chatting to someone online it's usually because you find them attractive so quite often there is a sexual attraction, it's all too easy to get carried away and sleep with them on the 1st or 2nd date purely because you find them attractive and then after you have dtd a few times you start to realise that there are a few things you don't like about them or you realise they are actually quite boring. This is where I go wrong, I often dtd on the 1st or 2nd date ( I have a very high sex drive, well that's my excuse ) but I think this often ruins things as sex becomes the main focus. I think I spend too long chatting to people through whatsapp, Facebook or text before meeting them, by then the sexual tension has built Grin. I do think it's harder for a woman to walk away after dtd though, a woman's more likely to become attached ( though I may be wrong? ).

Nevergoingtolearn · 17/08/2015 17:39

And I know longer worry about my body, I am a size 10/12 but I have wobbly bits, stretch marks and scars, none of the men I have met have had a problems with this, if anything it's the total opposite and it has improved my confidence. Tbh most of the men I have met have had far from perfect body's and it hasn't bothered me so I'm sure it doesn't bother them if we are not super model types.

SuperFlyHigh · 17/08/2015 19:45

I've decided after Mr Extrovert only wanted to take me away for the weekend as a date (sex) and was quite rude about it to more than likely leave it for now.

I really can't be bothered meeting endless idiots. So I will leave this thread for now. Good luck.

WavingNotDrowning · 20/08/2015 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nevergoingtolearn · 20/08/2015 20:02

Everything's a bit quite here, not much going on with me, still talking to Mr Ginger and 2 others but not really getting anywhere, I started talking to someone on POF yesterday but it's so slow and not really getting any good conversation out of him so all a bit boring Sad, I'm on 3 dating sites and have hardly had any action on any of them ( apart from the weirdos ).

britneyspearscatsuit · 21/08/2015 02:10

too much to catch up on so I hope you are all ok.

I am still dating MrClooney. I feel it's probably going nowhere though.

I am ok and hope you all are

xxxx

JellyBean31 · 21/08/2015 07:00

I decided to end my fwb arrangement. We last saw each other about a week & half ago when he stayed over. the day after it felt odd like things had reached a natural conclusion, theres been very little contact since & last night I told him I wouldn't be contacting him again!!

So now I intend to actually do a OLD profile, going to a friends where we'll drinkWine and write each others profile.

What's the best site to start off with??

Nevergoingtolearn · 21/08/2015 08:31

Jellybean, I find POF is the busiest site, I have joined several others but barely get any messages, I get quite a few on POF, at first you will get bombarded with messages ( it's a bit like walking into a pub full of single men with 'I'm single' written on your head ), just remember you don't have to reply to all messages, you can afford to be selective. There are a lot of weirdos on there but tbh I find there are still weirdos on the sites you have to pay for. Just be careful Smile

Nevergoingtolearn · 21/08/2015 17:56

After moaning about things being quite on POF I have had 4 people message me today, and they all look normal apart from one.

Mr Horsey, we have been chatting, a bit hard work ( doesn't say too much ) but he has asked if I would like to meet up.

Mr Single Dad, a bit younger than me, keeps telling me how pretty I am, not too sure about this one.

Mr Truck, have only just started talking to him but he looks like a average chap with a nice smile Smile.

My soldier, this is the weird one and I have not messaged him, very young, his profile says how he was shot recently ( fair enough ), I then go to look at his profile pictures which show graffiti photos of the holes in his head, he obviously knows how to impress the ladies ( not ).

Nevergoingtolearn · 21/08/2015 17:56

Mr soldier

HoopsAlot · 21/08/2015 22:20

Iv not physically dated anyone but have been chatting on old site.
It's a nice boost to chat but still new to the ropes.

What's the acceptable time frame from hi to let's me up- date.?

I'm Not after a ltr so probably not the thread for me.

Nevergoingtolearn · 22/08/2015 08:21

Hoops, I think it depends on how comfortable you feel, I have met men after chatting for a couple days and others I have been chatting too for a month or more, I'm not really looking for a LTR either ( though I'm happy if eventually it happens ). I do find its easier to meet up sooner rather than latter or you can built up a picture of someone through messaging that may not be a true picture, it's hard to know someone until you actually meet them ( I have been disappointed on a few occasions ).

I was chatting to Mr single dad all night, OMG he is hot Smile and he seems like a gentleman, not like most younger men I have spoke too. Only problem is he lives far away, I'm not sure why I even started talking to him, I don't usually bother if someone lives too far away Sad.

Mr Ginger is driving me crazy with his mixed messages, I really like him but haven't told him this and I don't think I will, he's probably one of the most selfish men I have met, he rarely messages me to ask how I am, his messages usually start with 'I have had a rubbish day' or ' I have been.....', never says 'hi, how has your day been', I seem to know everything about him but he rarely asks about me, though when we me he wasn't like this Hmm. This is the reason I have started chatting to other people, I think I need to keep my options open and maybe move on completely.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.