Needy partner

[Christie1971]

Hello I would appreciate anyone's advice as I'm going out of my mind not knowing if I should end my relationship and can't make my mind up if I am being cleverly controlled. Please bear with me. I met my partner three years ago . I was previously married and endured a tiring and volatile time. I have two DCs age 9 and 12. When I met my new partner 'A' he was attentive gentle and such a lovely man which he still is. He sold his house and moved in with me after a year , he has a daughter age 6. He became increasingly clingy to me and wanted to be wherever I went which was nice at the time as I wasn't used to it. He then became irritated if I was to go out or see my friends without him. I have to go in the bathroom to text friends as he wants to know who it is why they are texting me and what our conversations are about . He watches my every move when I'm at home and wants to know why j am going upstairs etc. he sits on the bed while I am getting ready and comes on while I am having a bath to talk to me. He texts me constantly and wants pics of where I am trying to make out he just wants to see my face.I feel I can't breathe. I lied to him when I went to see my best friend for s coffee as I wanted some space. He found the coffee receipt in the bin and tallied it up to a text is sent saying I was doing something else. I feel completely suffocated I've tried to talk to him but it just goes back to how it was. I tried to end it last week but he started throwing up and saying he can't cope without me. There's much more I won't go on but interested to see if anyone else has been in this situation ? Xx

Good luck. Be prepared for tears, suicide threats and then true nastiness when he realises his control has gone (and when he doesn't have witnesses). Keep texts and emails. He is a nasty piece of work.

Good luck. Please do let us know you've got out safely. Don't let him guilt you into changing your mind.

Will be thinking of you.

I hope yesterday went well, and you are safe.

Hello all Today went well . So far . He's away till tomorrow so does not know yet . It was the only way I felt comfortable and safe doing it x

Well done Christie

well done indeed :)

Well done. I hope you're feeling strong for the onslaught of texts when he finds out.

Have you left a note? Have you told him where you are? I'd advise against. You don't want him turning up and turning on the tears.

Thank goodness. You've done so well to get away. Stay safe and call the police if he threatens any kind of trouble when he does find out.

Excellent news. Watch out for the fall out, be prepared and stay firm x

Great!

Thanks . No I have left no note . Thinking about a text later tonight

Delurking to say, "Well done that girl!" Not sure the text later tonight would be a good idea. Pretty sure a shitstorm will be unleashed when it dawns on him that you are gone. Do you really need it to be unleashed tonight honey?
Wishing you and the DC all the best for your new life and wishing you in particular strength to deal with the aftermath of your leaving.

Don't fall for any of his nonsense

bbf x

I wouldn't get engaged in a text conversation this evening. I'd write your explanation in an email and send it to him tomorrow.

Well done on getting out. Do not send a text. You need to start training yourself to remember you aren't answerable to him for your actions. However, is he still texting you constantly asking for photos of where you are? Or does that only happen when you're out of the house, not him?

Adding support OP.

Delighted for you

Yea was just thinking of the text but prob not a good idea . Photo thing has stopped at the moment as I expressed my feelings about it . Its all gone eerily a little quiet

No, don't text. Please.

That's probably helping make you feel extra nervous, given he was in your face 24*7 before. Do not crack - he will know soon enough what has happened.

I'd do an email, explaining that as you've tried to end things in person before, but failed due to his tears and emotional blackmail, this is the only way you have been able to end a relationship you no longer wish to be in. You could say you're sure he'll understand that you do not wish to be in contact and you know he'll respect that. even though you know no such thing

Quiet is good.

Well done Christie. Tmr will be tough when he gets home and sees that you're gone. Stay strong and remember that you don't need to get him to understand or accept your reasons for leaving. You have gone and that's it. You don't need his (guilt loaded) permission or approval.

Well done
X

Well done. What a frightening situation. Stay strong.

Brilliant Christie, glad you're out, good luck with the inevitable fallout, stay strong x

Good luck Christie. He sounds life a certifiable bloody nutcase.

You have done the right thing for you and your children, keep that at the front of your mind along with the fact that anything he does now is down to him, you are not going,to cause him the heartache, the,sickness, the depression, the felling like he wants to take his own life. Those at just ways of trying,to manipulate you as you have seen through him.
Keep strong, this is new chapter for you and your children.