The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Soaking Up The Warm Sunshine, Instead Of The Warm White Wine!

[Mouseface]

Hi, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

A place for pouring out your heart without being judged, mostly because a lot of us have been exactly where you are right now, or somewhere similar.

We've been around for a while, so there's not much that we've not seen..... or heard.... or been through ourselves.

Some of the Babes are newer to the Bus, some of the Babes have been here on dear old "Gerald" (The name this Bus was given by one of the Babes, I forget who now!I suspect IsinDe or Silver) for a little while longer!

EVERYONE is welcome here. Drinkers, those who are complete non drinkers, and those who are somewhere in the middle of all of the above. :)

Some Babes are in control of their drinking, some not so much. It's dreadfully hard some days, days when there is nothing going around your head except thinking that you MUST have a drink and you sit there trying to work out when, what time you can have that first mouthful of ice cold poison.

Whatever your goal here, or why you're here, we'll all help you along the way, YOUR WAY.

There will be one of us on here that can relate to your life story as if it were a mirror they were looking at, someone to hold your hand if you want it, catch you if you fall, which you may or may not. Positive thinking, just One Day At A Time.

No one Babe is better than any other, we've all been addicts. We've all suffered, yes some more than others but it's not a competition (and no-one gets turned away) but if you rack up shed loads of sober days, you will be a winner on the thread!!

So, if you want somewhere safe to sit and enjoy the warming summer sun, come find a seat, have a chat or just sit and listen to the rest of us yakking on!!

Nice to meet you :) all.

Also, here is the latest thread -

THE LATEST THREAD WE'VE SHARED OUR STORIES AND EXPERIENCES ON

And this is the very first thread -

AND THIS THREAD, THIS THREAD IS EXTREMELY SPECIAL BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE THE JOURNEY STARTED, AND HAS SINCE EVOLVED OVER THE LAST SIX YEARS

Hope to chat soon, Mousey x

[kumamon]

Completely agree Popcorn - Ma I'm in awe. There is no way I wouldn't have drunk the other bottle. That is no fail.

Popcorn, are you going away, or off work for the day? What things would you like to be doing tomorrow?

[kumamon]

Sorry Star, missed your post. That sounds like a bag of shite. Is there a way to avoid the sidecar though?

[Starburst123]

kumamon I'm really not sure if I can avoid it. I'm so bloody disappointed, and annoyed that I've not taken charge of things sooner. managed for years on my own, bought this little flat etc etc, then let a bloke come in and make a man mess all over the place, stuffing up his finances while he's at it. good thing I love him.
he knows he's in trouble, he's just put the bedding in the wash - first time since he moved in 2 years ago

[NoAprilFool]

star, you've done so well, don't let the bugger drag you down!

How are my fellow Day 2ers? I found it much trickier than Day 1. From about 5pm it was like there was an itch in my stomach, that's the only way I can think of to describe it. Seems to have passed now, and I'm going to bed shortly so should be ok.

Hope you're all ok, and ma, 1 glass is good going! I'm not sure I've ever voluntarily stopped at 1.

[kumamon]

Doing good here thank NoApril (is NAF ok?!). But exactly the same itch as you. I'm also going to try hitting the sack early .

I'm now starting to worry about a flight next week. Just within the UK, down and back in one day, but for me airports and flights are usually total free-for-alls where I give myself license to have as much as I want to drink - under some kind of 'fear of flying' excuse (I'm not really that fearful). Plus it is British Airways so I could get a free wine. Very hard to resist. But, I'm trying to just cross that bridge when I come to it.

Star - sidecar or not, I hope you are having a good evening. I don't know your back story here, but have plenty of experience with man mess (not like that).

[venusandmars]

Oh that 'itch'.... the feeling that you NEED a drink. The thing that has surprised me the most is that I always thought the 'itch' was like hunger and that it grew and grew and grew. .. whereas in actual fact the 'itch' is temporary and it goes away. So when you feel that desperate need to scratch (or have a drink) distract, distract, distract..... And I guarantee that within an hour you will feel different. Maybe you will decide you'd rather have a boiled egg, maybe you will decide that you'd rather have sex , maybe you will listen to music or play the piano, maybe you will do an online jigsaw....

[PopcornNuts]

Kumamon off for a rather important SEN/medical test for DS, have been waiting a long time for this one so know I have to keep a clear head. Try not to think so far ahead as next week, I have a horrible habit of writing a whole week off just because I decide I'm going to be drinking on X day anyway, just take each day as it comes and it won't seem such a big deal I'm sure.

I understand that itch april, have been out with Scouts tonight and the urge to stop and buy a cider on the way home was pretty strong, so stayed in the car while DH ran in the shop so I couldn't be tempted. Day 2 done and off to bed shortly!

Star hope you're evening has gone ok and you've managed to dig his head out of the sand without too much help from the WW, sadly I'm in charge of bills etc in our house as bless him, DH is wonderful, but he hasn't really got a clue about running the money side of the household!

[PopcornNuts]

Ooh venus I want to do an online jigsaw now, off to google that!

[dementedma]

Well done those on day 2. Sis is up from London and has been round so another day non AF. No excuse. Not doing well at all.

[spanna41]

Good Morning All Lovely Brave Babes

Welcome Foof, Kuma & Star keep going Babes you're all doing really well and will get loads of support on this lovely bus

April good to see you honey

Nuts welcome back good to see you

I am an 'all or nothing girl' with no ''off'' button so moderation (which I have tried a few times) isn't for me. Something just clicked in my brain this time and I've kept going. Not saying it's been easy but slowly, one day at a time, I am still sober and haven't had a drink since my birthday (30th March).

One of my besty's is getting married on Saturday. We had the Hen afternoon last Sat, where we spent the afternoon at a Beach Hut, beautiful sunny day, M & S picnic (supplied by yours truly) and many bottles of Lanson Champagne (one of my personal favourites)

So there I was opening and pouring cold, yummy tasting champagne (I had a few twinges of 'God I could sooooo neck this now') and I managed to abstain and drank AF elderflower fizz. The most memorable moment was sober dancing with the others who were hammered to Rock Lobster, B52s, with a demented grin on my face, wind in my hair and a warm feeling in my heart, which I now realise is happiness The bride to be said the next day 'one thing I did notice spanna about you not drinking was how much longer the booze lasted'

Anyhoo, we spoke last night and she'd just done the Sainsburys order for wedding day and she's bought me AF fizz for the special day!!!! So she is taking my AF dom on board - for me this is a eureka moment

Ma, Fox, Beaches, Isinde and Hope thank you so much for your 100 days Best wishes/congrats. The support here has been a life line for me

Fox I hope you're having a lovely holiday

Baby darling are you ok? x

Obrigada good to see you lovely x

Joey your ipad posts have made me smile x

Beaches how are you sugarplumb? sounds like you're getting control over the red wine witch Keep it up babe, we both know how worth it, it is to wake up with a clear head.

Right really late now! Love to all of you lurking or otherwise. Big hugs and keep fighting that WW, as we all know she is a complete bitch

[kumamon]

I had a random thought on the bus. Imagine if drinking meant you felt really crap immediately - straight to the hangover: headache, nausea, paranoia, dog-tired - and then gradually reversed the process until you were really drunk, quite drunk, nicely tipsy and then sober.

I wouldn't do it. Wouldn't be worth it.

[babyjane1]

Good morning babes,

I'm sorry to have appeared to have gone AWOL, I've been on holiday. I was in total conflict about going away and I was right to be so the last few weeks leading up to and during the holiday, I'd got myself into state. It was an all inclusive with my mum and my girls and I so wanted to reinstate my mum and my girls faith in me but it did not go well!!!

Not as bad as it could have been. As in my previous binges lasting and losing whole days but I was sneeking drinks constantly and my mum and daughter know the signs so very well.

Anyway, I'm back, back on the wagon and glad to be so, I feel safe at home and back with you wonderful babes xxxx

Will read back and get up to date with all my lovely friends. Xxx

[marfisa]

Hi baby, it's so good to see you. Well done on surviving the holiday, and on it being not as bad as it could have been! I have endless admiration for your courage when it comes to picking yourself up and carrying on.

I still lurk on the bus all the time even though actually posting seems to be too monumental an effort (pathetic, I know). I won't try to NC but a warm welcome to all the new babes and lots of interbosies to the older ones!

Venus, your posts are fab, as always.

And spanna, well done and bravissima on pouring the cold champagne without drinking it!

Still going to AA and also to the odd NA meeting (I've found a women-only group where I feel very much at home, and NA says that alcohol can count as your 'drug of choice'). I'm nine months sober now.

I don't find it very difficult now to avoid drinking socially - what I find hard is when I'm working alone and trying to write, dammit. I constantly have a voice in my head telling me that the writing would go better if I had a couple of shots of vodka. Needless to say I ignore that voice but my levels of anxiety lately have been massively high - there's nothing that makes me want to drink as much as being behind on work/writing deadlines. It all reminds me very keenly of how I turned into an alcoholic in the first place - I was so desperate to have a break from the anxiety. Fortunately going to a meeting can usually make the anxiety dissipate, at least temporarily. I'm producing many fewer words a day than I'd like to be producing, but at least I'm producing something!

I'm also very conscious of the fact that I've started to use food in a very similar way to the way I used alcohol before. Binge-eating for comfort. I keep telling myself 'I won't binge today, just for today' but my success rate so far has been pretty hopeless. So I'm trying to run a bit instead.

So yeah, I'm saying what I always say, basically, which is that my head is still crazy but I'm very very grateful not to have alcohol adding to the craziness. Hang in there all and here are a few handfuls of opal fruits I'm throwing around!

[NoAprilFool]

Welcome back baby, lovely to see you. I don't think I could have handled All Inclusive.

marfisa, hello. I'm quite new to the bus so we've not met but I love it when people come back and report they're still sober. Gives me hope!

spanna, amazing result on the champagne pouring! I'm glad your friend is on your side now.

kumamon, very good point, if never thought about it that way but you're right, it just wouldn't be worth it.

ma, just hugs. Keep on keeping on.

venus, I definitely did find that the itch disappeared after a while. I need to find some good distractions to have on hand in these early days. What surprised me most about it was when it struck. On a normal work day, I wouldn't have a glass of wine until DD was in bed, dinner was made, chores were done. It was my reward. Oddly though, the itch hit as soon as I got home, about 2 hours before I would normally drink.

[dementedma]

Hey all. Some great posts and good to get an update marfisa.
Day off today so have been visiting dad and then clearing all the bagged rubbish and recycling from his house. Next week the Salvation Army will come to take the furniture
Dad's care home is horrible. I mean, the staff are lovely and very kind to him,and he was showered and in fresh clothes and fed etc, but the lounge is just full of old people propped in chairs, sleeping, drooling, moaning. It stinks of pee, even though it's generally clean. I guess a dozen folks all incontinent creates a smell as the staff can't change everyone immediately.
Dad is very bored as he just sits in his chair all day.. He can't participate in group activities or manage to get from the lounge to his room unaided, so he just sits with his head propped on his hand,bewildered as to what's going on. He has some puzzle books but needs someone to do them with him. When the lounge is busy he is stressed by all the noise and the comings and goings and gets frightened but can't get up to walk away. I don't know what to do for him.

[aliasjoey]

Oh ma that sounds horrible for him and for you. Does he have a care plan in place, or I think they are supposed to write down how to help with activities ?

babyj good to see you back on the bus!

Has anyone seen faire lately?

I haven't been doing well lately, several days in a row drinking somehow, it becomes an inevitable vicious circle. I mean, not too much, but still more than planned when I said I would go AF til my birthday.

Today is my birthday, and to celebrate I will not be drinking! I do have lots of chocolate and baklava instead...

[dementedma]

He has a care plan but he doesn't do any activities. He just don't know what's going on.
Haven't heard from faire. Hope she's ok

[dementedma]

Oh, and Happy Birthday joey

[spanna41]

Happy Birthday Joey enjoy your chocolate

Ma for your Dad. Do they have a garden? or another part of the home that's a bit quieter. Do they have an activities co-ordinator? He'll have a Key Carer, can you speak to them? (sorry for bombarding you with questions) When he went into the home, did anyone ask you to fill in a life story of your Dad? What he did for work, his hobbies when he was able bodied etc. There has to be info like that to create his care plan. Person centered care is what every care home should be doing and working out what he is able to do, or what stimulates his mind etc I hope you find a way forward where he is more settled. Hugs x

I'm knackered, been to dd2 Year 6 play (musical) it was so funny my face hurts from grinning

Good night all x

[babyjane1]

Morning all,

Thanks for all your lovely welcomes back. For anyone who's stopped for even a few weeks, let me tell you a week of drinking has actually ravaged me. I've broken out in horrid lumpy spots on my face and neck, my skin is papery and my body is bloated. Worst of all is feeling anxious, skittish and losing all the great feelings being sober brings.

I think I understated my holiday drinking, I was falling asleep in the middle of the day, wretching on the toilet and just feeling seedy all the time. I was so enjoying being 2 months sober and as I type this I'm actually baffled at my constant naivety that I can be a normal drinker. It's selfish, my dd watching my every move and not being fully present to saviour every moment of the luxury of having a holiday in a beautiful place. I just want all of you to know, ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!

kumanon I loved your post about starting off with the hangover and working back, that sounds so ridiculous yet we do it the other way round all the time, very inspired and a huge welcome to you and all the lovely newbies.

venus I loved your post about our journey being a fluid thing, a constant experiment, I keep thinking once is a mistake the other times a decision but it's not like that, I'm a good person, I don't want to hurt anyone except maybe myself, for reasons I may never understand. I'm very sad that all the things I should be excited and happy about are now the source of dread and anxiety, I hope one day that will change, I want to enjoy my life and live a good life in the mindful sense, to be thought of as a good, kind person, your posts inspire me always.

ma your post re your dad backs up all I've just said, we battle our way through life's struggles and through our own battles and the cruelty is we are ageing every minute of every day and each day is one we can never back, why oh why am I chosing to have such a flagrant disrespect of the privilege of being relatively fit and well. I'm so sorry you have to witness your dad in such a sorry state.

spanna I'm ridiculously proud of you, I'm glad your sobriety has brought you nuggets of pure happiness, your so generous with others and you have handled challenges I would find impossible, your my hero. Xxx

marfisa you are amazing and brave and a total inspiration, thank you for sharing your success with us.

joey happy belated birthday, lovely babe, hope it was a good one xxx

Right I'm going to have to endure today sweating, sore head, big red lumps and dry hair, dry skin, dry mind.

One day I will see beyond the trees to the woods and the wonder of this life we're lucky to be given, without the need to poison the view.

Love to all of you, I'm down but not out xxxx

[Bloodybloodyhell]

I've been reading these threads on and off for years.
You all sound so lovely.
Some days I don't think I have a problem. Some days I do.
I am just so, so, so fed up of waking at three in the morning, sleeping badly, feeling like crap, swearing I won't drink that evening. Then 6pm comes around and I fall back into the trap. Almost every, single day.

I don't drink an enormous amount. But I do drink too much. Last night I had three glasses of wine before collecting DC from a play date. I am now shuddering about what the other parents thought.

I'm not a nasty drunk, just a very happy, chatty, far too effusive and silly drunk. But I'm 40 years old ffs. I shouldn't be doing the school run with a hangover. I'm sure everyone is looking at me in a pitying way. As DC get older, I can't bear the thought that I'll be the car-crash mother their friends will be whispering about.

When I don't drink (maybe one day a week max) I feel fabulous. Clean, healthy, just so much better.

I just need to stop drinking completely, don't I? I can't just have one drink. But to envisage a life with no alcohol at all - seems very, very surreal.

I will really, really try today, not to drink.

[marfisa]

Bloody: hello. Don't envisage a life with no alcohol at all. If I thought about alcohol like that, I would be drinking today. Envisage a day with no alcohol. One day. Today. As the mantra goes:

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Sometimes the prospect of a day seems too long and you have to take it hour by hour, ten minutes by ten minutes.

Ma, it sounds so hard with your dad. I wish I had some helpful advice. Good ideas from Joey and Spanna though. He hasn't been there long, has he? Hopefully as he settles in he will find the place less disorienting. My mother has been in three different care homes (long story) and each time it has taken her quite awhile to settle, regardless of the quality of the home. But once she settles in, she's better.

Happy belated birthday joey! (raises a lime and tonic toast)

Welcome noApril, you're doing so well!

spanna, I love year 6 end-of-year plays. Ours was brilliant this year. Next year DS will be in year 6 and he's already talking about next year's play!

baby, you poor thing, sorry you are feeling so poorly. Be kind to yourself today. At least you know that sober time makes you feel better physically and mentally - you've had that two months sober and you know you can have it again! xxx

Hope everyone's having a good day. I'm procrastinating on my work again, not that you can tell or anything. (cough)

[Bloodybloodyhell]

Thankyou Marfisa. That's a better way of thinking about it.

Have been reading the thread - and have started the very first one too.
It seems like that's the only way really, isn't it? One day at a time.

I've come back to bed as I'm feeling so horrible. Today is my first proper day off for a while - and rather than all the jobs I was promising myself I'd do, I'm lying under the duvet with a banging headache. What a disgrace.

Hello to all the rest of you though- those in a similar state to me, those who are doing better. I'm going to keep reading the threads. They are inspirational. And make me realise I'm not alone.

[lookingforhope]

Hello babes old and new! Welcome to the newcomers and Opal Fruits for all.

Joey HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you . Sorry I missed it yesterday, I hope you had a wonderful day xxx

I am feeling 'meh' this week. I had a lovely weekend and then spent 2 days in work (actually going into the office) and am now on such a downer. Have gone from being busy and with a demanding job to doing basic admin work and waiting for redundancy. Management and HR are observing their usual Omerta on dates, and now it looks like the big one year contract that was going to kick off my new business is not going to happen as I can't give them a start date, so they will contract someone else. Everyone asks me quickly how I am while avoiding my eyes and looking like they need to dash off in case I actually tell them. So feeling pretty hopeless. . When you have a shit marriage and bear financial responsibility for everyone, it is amazing how quickly your self esteem plummets when you lose your job. Especially as I know I lost it because they want 20 somethings and I am in my 40s. So, in the sidecar and fed up.

Loving some of the posts on here though. Venus - very wise about the 'itch' - I know that to be true but currently have too little self respect or motivation to act upon your advice. Kumamon - love your analogy about the hangover / euphoria reversal idea. You are right, nobody at all would drink if such a case were true! Maybe that's the idea of those antabuse drugs, but I never admit to my GP that I drink so won't find out!

Ma sorry you are having such a hard time with your dad. Is that why your sister is visiting, to help out? Hope you are getting some support. How is the job going by the way? Are you coping OK with the new regime? At least the day off might give you a chance to get things sorted, although it is regrettable about the pay cut. I will squish in next to you in the sidecar (excuse my huge lardy arse) and offer my support.

Spanna - well done on your AF hen night! You sound so strong and fabulous at the moment. Really proud of you, you are an inspiration to all babes!

Baby lovely to have you back honey. I don't think I could have coped on holiday either tbh. But you are here now and have our full support so just look ahead and start again

Marfisa welcome back and well done on your continued sobriety

Starburst sorry about your financial woes. Any decision on the holiday yet? If it helps, my other half is also financially irresponsible - and I don't even like him so it is doubly annoying, haha

April, Popcorn, BloodyHell - hello to all of you too

I have a holiday coming up at the end of the month (which WB said he'd pay for, making it the first holiday he's paid for in 20 years of marriage, but which I have mysteriously ended up paying for, of course ). Despise WB so much at the moment that will find it hard to get through 2 weeks of his company without a drink, but looking forward to the sun, sea, sand bit.

Sadly being away for 2 weeks will mean coming back to no prospect of work in the future as if I don't hear about VR by then (which I won't) it will be the final nail in my future employment coffin. So I expect I will be drinking, though hopefully will keep a bit of a lid on it as dd is very disapproving of alcohol (also cigarettes, mum dancing, singing in public, swearing, going out looking untidy and me talking to any of her friends or being seen in public within a mile of the school)

Supposed to be working from home this afternoon, but you know what? Sod the bastards! Am off to walk round to see a friend for a cup of tea in her garden instead. Pah!

See you all later x

[dementedma]

welcome bloody. I feel your pain. My attempt to have an evening without alcohol this week has yet to be successful.
Cant NC you all as in work and busy. DH has texted to say there is a very official looking letter for me at home from the Sherriff court. oh, lord, what now?
Is soldier ogling a crime???
hope enjoy the day off with your friend. sod the bastards indeed