The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Soaking Up The Warm Sunshine, Instead Of The Warm White Wine!

[Mouseface]

Hi, I'm Mouse :)

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

A place for pouring out your heart without being judged, mostly because a lot of us have been exactly where you are right now, or somewhere similar.

We've been around for a while, so there's not much that we've not seen..... or heard.... or been through ourselves.

Some of the Babes are newer to the Bus, some of the Babes have been here on dear old "Gerald" (The name this Bus was given by one of the Babes, I forget who now!I suspect IsinDe or Silver) for a little while longer!

EVERYONE is welcome here. Drinkers, those who are complete non drinkers, and those who are somewhere in the middle of all of the above. :)

Some Babes are in control of their drinking, some not so much. It's dreadfully hard some days, days when there is nothing going around your head except thinking that you MUST have a drink and you sit there trying to work out when, what time you can have that first mouthful of ice cold poison.

Whatever your goal here, or why you're here, we'll all help you along the way, YOUR WAY.

There will be one of us on here that can relate to your life story as if it were a mirror they were looking at, someone to hold your hand if you want it, catch you if you fall, which you may or may not. Positive thinking, just One Day At A Time.

No one Babe is better than any other, we've all been addicts. We've all suffered, yes some more than others but it's not a competition (and no-one gets turned away) but if you rack up shed loads of sober days, you will be a winner on the thread!!

So, if you want somewhere safe to sit and enjoy the warming summer sun, come find a seat, have a chat or just sit and listen to the rest of us yakking on!!

Nice to meet you :) all.

Also, here is the latest thread -

THE LATEST THREAD WE'VE SHARED OUR STORIES AND EXPERIENCES ON

And this is the very first thread -

AND THIS THREAD, THIS THREAD IS EXTREMELY SPECIAL BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE THE JOURNEY STARTED, AND HAS SINCE EVOLVED OVER THE LAST SIX YEARS

Hope to chat soon, Mousey x

Left the house at 7.15 this morning to sit through important meeting in Glasgow and then do a days work - all with a horrible urine infection and can't get an appointment until tomorrow. Come home to overflowing recycling bins, dirty dishes from this morning and ", what's for dinner?". Lost the plot. Dh has ordered Chinese which we can't afford as there's " no fucking food in the house ". There is chicken, mince and sausages in the freezer. If someone who is at home for the second week in a row had got off Facebook for 5 minutes and taken some food out of the freezer there might have been something for dinner! Am fucking pissed off and sitting on my bed sulking.

Hey guys. I'm back, tail metaphorically between legs. I've been lurking for a couple of weeks, hoping I might be able to leap back in and blithely pretend my blip has been just that - but frankly it is turning into a sustained bender, so I might as well fess up and clamber unsteadily back aboard. I can't really gloss over it and pretend it didn't happen.

So, predictably enough, here is what I have learned. You can sail through well-nigh seven months sober feeling virtuous, indeed on occasion foolishly a touch sanctimonious. You can go on holiday and convince yourself of a lunchtime that normal rules don't apply and wine on holiday doesn't count (and I still don't really know why this happened - it wasn't even a sustained attack by the WW, more a gentle friendly nudge and I leapt lazily at it). You can then think 'oh well, I've had one now, I might as well drink SOLIDLY for the next two weeks' - and you can have an absolute ball so doing. Nice drinking, not the desperate clammy-night-where's the next bottle coming from paranoid-necking it down me at 11am from a coffee mug - I was doing pre-Christmas.

And then you can say - oh well, I'll stop when I get home from holiday. And you do that. But the rot has set in and you don't have that proud shiny 200 days AF behind you any longer so you think 'oh its Friday night, I'll just have one...oh its Saturday, well why not...oh god its Monday tomorrow, I need a drink'. And you are back, pretty much, to square one.

But what you (I) cannot do it leave it at that. This tale is so utterly predictable it bores me at the same time as depressing me. I am embarrassed to write it, it is so obvious and it just shows I have learned nothing, since I knew all this even as I was opening that first, gorgeous/evil, chilled bottle. I am back to all my old mental gymnastics, thinking about drinking as soon as I wake up (not actually about having a drink, but the fact that I won't do so, or won't before 8pm, or if there is a 'y' in the day or something stupid like that) and doing endless dull deals with myself. So, here is the new deal - I am going to moderate in August, I am going to 'enjoy' (ha) it, and I am going to think about the motivation for each and every drink. And then I am going to stop again completely. I'm aware that's a dangerous logic, giving myself a 'treat' now, but I also know that I've got the taste for it, and I'm not yet ready to stop. But I will. I've lost the calm, the serenity and the mindfulness I had come June, and I want it back. I'm not yet back where I was, yelling at the kids and totally incapable of rational behaviour, leaping down everyone's throats, but I know I will be soon. So, August, and then quits.

Will you have me back, lovely babes? If nothing else, I have proved to myself that for me, there is no such thing as controlled drinking, I love it too much, and it hates me too much to let me do that. So this is, hopefully, my adieu to Sancerre - and thank you in advance for living with me through that!

Such a selfish post - sorry - I needed to get that written before i lost the balls to do so. Love to you all, its a quiet old bus right now, but Ma I am so glad and so proud of you to see you're still fighting ogling and that you got some more funding - that's amazing and so well deserved. Spanna, you ok, babe? I will catch up with everyone else soon, and promise to be less me me me next time xx

Welcome back small and a very honest post. There is room for a little one in the sidecar...

Ma - your dinner situation sounds so frustrating - I hate that you are having to organise everything or face the strops. I think I would be sticking some of those frozen sausages where the sun don't shine!

SmallFox - I totally hear you about the thinking about drinking, even if it's that deal you do with yourself not to drink, while you're hanging on for dear life in the bog at work, having just about made it in on time, sweating wine out of every pore!

small glad to have you back with us. I so understand where you are coming from. I do pretty well on the not drinking, but on the occasions when I have, it feels like I'm immediately back to where I was . I have had 'planned' drinks e.g. 2 glasses of champagne at my nephew's wedding - but I know that afterwards I have to have all my strategies in place to stop myself from rolling backwards all the way to the bottom of the hill.

So onwards, and upwards, and good that you can post honestly and know that you will be understood.

muddle I used a hypnotherapy file on my computer for a while.... I wonder where it is? If hypnotherapy worked for you before why not give it a try again..

ma for your situation. A couple of months ago we had a standoff about an unwashed pan - I was out and dp had made a curry, then left the remains in the pan. He said he'd left it for me (but I had already eaten which he knew) and therefore because he'd left it for me it was my responsibility to put it in the freezer or throw it away .

Well I was buggered if I was clearing up and washing up for a meal I'd not had.

The bloody curry sat around for days, and days, and days. Until I eventually threw the food out, and then the next day dp washed the pan. He later said that he didn't know what to do with left over food. wtf?

venus sorry, but that made me laugh about the standoff over the curry pan it's the little things that keep us going eh?

small good to see you back

ma I just looked up about clonidine - what a pity I wasn't prescribed that originally, as it could treat all my conditions in one! (Anxiety, insomnia, bowels, as well as hot flushes) but I'm doing okay on the HRT, and don't want to change again. But I'm going to go back on the patches as I think they worked better than the pills.

Clonidine may take a couple of weeks to get used to the side effects, is it helping with the flushes?

Small welcome back, and thanks for such an honest post. That describes so much of what I go through sometimes - and I think what Venus has said about having strategies in place to not slide back is valid. I am at the stage of having drank in a semi-controlled way on holiday, but need to stop now I've returned as beer+sunshine holiday is not half as deadly a combination for me as wine+work / marriage stress, housework and crap weather! By the way your post wasn't self indulgent at all, it was brave and thought provoking and am delighted you are back with us

Ma - grrr, fuming for you at the dinner and dishes disaster. 'There's no fucking food' is a common refrain in our house despite overflowing fridge and cupboards. What it means is 'there is no food that I can eat right away without preparation cos I'm a lazy arse'. Twunt. What did you have in the end? If it was Chinese then I hope he choked on a spare rib.

Venus your story reminds me of when my mum and dad fell out over an uneaten roast dinner when I was a teenager. They were rowing about something and dad slammed out just before Sunday lunch was served, so mum put it out and he didn't turn up to eat it. When he got home it was there, stone cold, and he left it on the kitchen table. Didn't throw it out or reheat and eat. So the next day it was there at breakfast. And after work. At dinner the next night it was removed to a windowsill. We carried on around it. It was not mentioned. People came to the house and it was congealed and still there. Mum casually told them to ignore it. A couple of days later we came home and found that dad had made a white flag out of a stick and some paper and placed it in the mash. Mum burst out laughing and threw it away and washed the plate. They both felt they had won that one!

I'm currently laughing at my drinkers' logic. I was cringing at the cost of some soft fruit. I had to mentally kick myself, as there's no way I could spend the same amount on strawberries as I would quite happily on wine per week. Bloody genius!

Just wondering how things are chez Mouse? I keep thinking about you and feeling sad about your horrible holiday. Are you feeling in less pain now you are back? How is Nemo? Have you had any more tests? You're in my thoughts - take care x

Nice observation Starburst. Off to buy myself some 'overpriced' blackberries as a treat and reflect on how much nicer they are for not causing hangovers

Arghh! I have a pile of work to do, and my computer is playing up. About to go out for a big stompy walk to work off my irritation.

OMG just signed and sent my VR acceptance... on my own now! Thrilled but a bit

Self employment here I come...

(with thanks to Venus for her very wise words of help and encouragement earlier this year)

Looking - exciting times ahead! I'll raise a strawberry to you later when I get stuck into them :)

Hope - I'm sure its scary and exciting in equal measure but hugely well done to you, and I am so glad you finally have clarity after all that waiting.

well donehope. first step to a new life.
last night I was extreme soldier ogling - hard core!

Still on board here.
Managed my target of AF week all last week and enjoyed at weekend some wine and the rest !
Remained AF Mon and Tue as planned but going out with my eldest two girls this evening as were all together before dd 1 flies abroad for rest of summer so planning on some champagne.
Am really immensely proud I have done this as not gone one night in years and its been hard but I have never been more focused or more determined .
I have a whole new life ahead and possibly a wonderful man in my future and 4 dc to look after . I can make a much better job of all this with no ww in the week on a school night.
Honestly think the hypnosis app someone suggested on here helped.
I go to sleep and listen to it most nights and never manage past the relaxation bit but I think something must be going in !
Cant believe how much more I achieve in the evenings either without the ww .... and more bedtime stories for dc !

Hopefully my horrible marriage is now way behind me and maybe I was using wine as a prop instead of booting him out years ago !

Top job Storm .... Brilliant achievement! (both the not drinking and the booting out of toxic ex!)

Well done storm - try drinking a big glass of fizzy water before you have your champagne - that way you are more likely to sip the champagne as part of a celebratory drink rather than glug it down (and rush for the next glass).

looking I am so pleased for you that must have felt like a long wait. Now use that power to kick your dh into pulling his weight. Re self employment - I'll pm you once I'm off the train.

Looking I think that will be a weight off your shoulders now that you have finally handed it in. Hope everything goes okay for you.

ma Extreme soldier ogling! What an interesting life you lead

It's warm here today, but I'm sitting indoors as I have migraine on and off. had several migraines this week and still don't feel right. (I am now back on the HRT patches so hopefully these will go eventually) Of course my main concern is not being able to drink...

I got some wine earlier in the week, but it's still sitting there which I find frustrating; it would be easier if there was nothing in the house. Now I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think is "do I have a migraine? How bad is it? Can I have a drink later?"

Well done storm. I really need to use some the babes onnhere to inspire me. I should be out walking in this very rare sunshine instead of slumped here drinking wine. Shocked at how quickly I am regaining the weight I had lost. Not shocked enough to do anything about it obviously....
joey hope the migraine passes soon.

Evening all - day 5 here. I woke up thinking it must be Saturday because I didn't have a hangover, I very rarely drink on weekends or Fridays, as I like to be able to enjoy my time off. It's a bit of an odd way round, but I find working in offices such a brain drain. If only they'd let me WFH a few days a week - but it's not that sort of job (apparently).

I was up at 3:30 this morning, due to DP's super early shift start, and instead of trying to get more sleep, I stayed awake, drinking tea, reading my book (anyone into Jasper Fforde here?), dealing with the cats, and sorting my food for the day out in my own sweet time. It was bliss!
Have had a productive day in the office, despite all the hullabaloo around me (thank goodness for noise cancelling headphones), and a quiet potter home. I do wish I could get away with every day being like that, but sadly, it's not always.
I've managed to lose a bit of weight - and got into a shirt I'd not been able to without gaping all over the place - huzzah!

Ma - extreme soldier ogling sounds like fun!
Storm - I think you're right about the prop - and congratulations for levelling out - you sound like you are enjoying things on the home front :)
Small - Howya doing this fine evening?

I am currently drinking sugar free ginger beer, ogling John Hannah in Cold Blood - I bumped into him yonks ago, and he's sent me all of a wibble ever since.
Have a good evening Babes - not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to stay awake!

Thanks ma I should say I'm lucky not to get them too badly. I know some people have severe migraines, having to lie down in darkened rooms and so on. I just can't seem to shake it off though.

On the positive side, I've discovered my celebrity crush - Ben Chaplin... oh yum

Hang on in there ma

Hi all

Dd got her A level results this morning, AAA so she is thrilled and totally excited at getting into her uni. And because she exceeded her offer, she gets a £1000 scholarship too!!

The downside of course is that she will be moving out this autumn. I'm going to miss her loads

Hope everyone is ok, the sun seems to have disappeared again, what a let down this summer has been.

Day 6 here. no dramas so far, bit of a headache, but that's the lack of sleep rather than much else. looking forward to getting today over & done with, then it's a downhill slope to the weekend. Woo hoo!
hope everyone's having a good day - I'm meeting a friend after work who I don't get to see enough of, which will be nice. I'll not be drinking, she's not a big drinker, so probably won't even notice.