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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've just cancelled our wedding

98 replies

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 07/07/2015 16:49

I'm devestated. Move posted before, about my dps in laws & tbh I Can't marry in to it.
Dp has been working a second jinx
He can't afford to pay for any of it still, he just can't raise enough money between now and November and was on about chipping away from the equity in the house. My inheritance from my father.
Thing is, I've already paid 23k worth of his debt off.
Paid for the house.
Paid for the furniture.
His 12k car.
Everything
Everything
And I refuse to pay any more.
I've paid entirely for the wedding and just wanted him to contribute that last bit.
I'm hurting so much right now
I just want to leave
I have dd down stairs crying because we've argued and I just can't hold myself together any more
I'm so upset
I wish I didn't have to cancle. I'm so embarrassed to tell everyone.
Please someone just help me realise I've done the right thing

OP posts:
ihave2naughtydogs · 07/07/2015 16:51

Yes you done the right thing. Dont pay for anything else.He is a cocklodger.

WishUponAStar88 · 07/07/2015 16:52

You have 100% done the right thing. Is the house in your name? You will look back on this decision with no regret and you should be proud of yourself for being strong.

lynniep · 07/07/2015 16:55

you know you've done the right thing. you've been very very brave and strong and made absolutely the right decision. well done you x

hopelessadventure · 07/07/2015 16:55

You have absolutely done the right thing to protect you from more heartache further down the line. It must have been an incredibly difficult decision for you and my heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

molyholy · 07/07/2015 16:56

You have been extremely brave and definitely done the right thing. It may not seem lile it now, but you will be glad when you look back Flowers

MrsDeVere · 07/07/2015 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 07/07/2015 16:58

Please tell me you didn't pay 23K of his debt AND the car?

You've absolutely made the right decision. He wouldn't change.

loveareadingthanks · 07/07/2015 17:00

I don't know the rest of your story and whatever the reasons - if you have any strong doubts at all it's always the right thing to cancel, however difficult.

PeppermintPasty · 07/07/2015 17:01

I remember your other thread. You have absolutely done the right thing. Well done, I am sorry Flowers

glitteryflange · 07/07/2015 17:04

People will admire you for standing by your convictions.
you did the right thing.
What did your OH say?

hhhhhhh · 07/07/2015 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

butterfly133 · 07/07/2015 17:08

good grief
I don't know the history but it sounds like you have done the right thing!

sorry you are feeling rubbish Flowers

Northernlurker · 07/07/2015 17:10

Marriage is one of the most serious commitments we can make. It has to be entered in to with the intention that it's a life long bonding of two separate people in to one united being. You cannot successfully do that with somebody who you don't respect, somebody who seems not to be on your side. There will always be times in any marriage when you argue and times when you feel further apart on issues, nobody has a perfect marriage, but at the root of it your direction of travel always has to be the same. You are absolutely right to call this off because you don't have that here. I wish you well, I'm so sorry you feel broken hearted but you are 100% making the right choice here and now.

chairmeoh · 07/07/2015 17:13

Sounds like a very brave and sensible decision. But I can understand how painful it must feel.
Don't be embarrassed. Take your time over letting people know, but are there a couple of good friends or relatives you can tell today to have a shoulder to cry on?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 07/07/2015 17:14

I wish I'd had the balls to call off my wedding to a man who was financially i

Clobbered · 07/07/2015 17:16

Do you have a close friend or relative who could help you with letting your guests know?
I think you will find that people are supportive and understanding when you tell them, and if they're not, then they aren't worth worrying about.
Bloody well done - too many people go through with weddings that they have serious doubts about and live to regret it.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 07/07/2015 17:18

sorry. irresponsible. He never improved. He was worse with wife #2.
You will be the grown up. The only grown up.
Ask him to stand on his own 2 feet for a while

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 07/07/2015 17:28

I've paid so much money into it, probably about 6k, and i bought my wedding dress the other week :(
he's upset but is now backtracking saying he can afford it etc, i know he can't. i said 3 times, "honestly. can you pay for the rest of the wedding?" and all i got was "i'll have to somehow won't i" type answers. I'm not spending the next 4 months stressing. i've been crying everyday. nobody knows i paid of all his debt, that i've paid for everthing in the house etc. I've been covering for him :'(
i have no real friends. not ones that would get this anyway, my mums over tomorrow but i just can't face telling people.
i paid for his car, the house, his debt, the wedding and just wanted to see him contribute. i bought my own engagement ring for gods sake !!!!!
WHAT AN IDIOT
The house is in both our names, but i believe that if we split, i go away with 70%, we did this with the solicitor before we bought.
truth is he's been a terrible partner in the past, and spent my entire pregnancy messaging other woman and trying to run back to his ex- again nobody knows this i dealt with it alone :( he has been a changed man since dd has arrived but how can i forgive someone who is constantly letting me down?
i feel i've made a huge mistake staying with him. i was very scared, lonely and desperate....

OP posts:
butterfly133 · 07/07/2015 17:34

thank goodness you did that with the solicitor, that's good

can you take the dress back or was it customised?

Don't worry about making a mistake. You can start fresh now.

Skiptonlass · 07/07/2015 17:43

You know, I don't think anyone ever regrets cancelling a wedding.... You don't do it unless you're really sure, do you? I bet plenty of people regret not cancelling though.

Don't be embarrassed. You should be proud of yourself - it's a very strong thing to do. From your other threads he's clearly deeply attached to the parental apron strings and not a good life partner bet.

On the practical side, can someone help you with the logistics! Ringing/emailing round to let folks know?

So sorry chuck it.... But I think you've made the right choice. Either this is the kick up the arse he needs to sever the umbilical cord from pil s or he carries on as he is and you've had a lucky escape. Go give dd a cuddle.

MatildaTheCat · 07/07/2015 17:48

So sorry you are going through this but so much better done now. He won't change and you are escaping from a lifetime of this crap. Please DO tell someone, perhaps your mum and/ or best friend and get some RL support. They may be shocked and sad but when they hear the truth they will understand.

Well done for making the right decision. Hope you can recoup some of your costs.xx

Kiwiinkits · 07/07/2015 17:51

Stuff the money. It's just money. Just leave and move on. Skiptonlass is right, no one regrets cancelling a wedding.

Dowser · 07/07/2015 17:59

So glad you've called a halt.

Get your mum to let everyone know.

That's what mums are for.

Original poster
Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 07/07/2015 18:05

now he's ranting and bullying
oh god
i think i'm about to have a break down

OP posts:
sensiblesometimes · 07/07/2015 18:08

Keep.going ...you have done the right thing

..his behaviour confirms this