I've just cancelled our wedding

[Chuckitinthefuckitbucket]

I'm devestated. Move posted before, about my dps in laws & tbh I Can't marry in to it.
Dp has been working a second jinx
He can't afford to pay for any of it still, he just can't raise enough money between now and November and was on about chipping away from the equity in the house. My inheritance from my father.
Thing is, I've already paid 23k worth of his debt off.
Paid for the house.
Paid for the furniture.
His 12k car.
Everything
Everything
And I refuse to pay any more.
I've paid entirely for the wedding and just wanted him to contribute that last bit.
I'm hurting so much right now
I just want to leave
I have dd down stairs crying because we've argued and I just can't hold myself together any more
I'm so upset
I wish I didn't have to cancle. I'm so embarrassed to tell everyone.
Please someone just help me realise I've done the right thing

Tell everyone ..They will.be supportive ..you may be surprised ...

I just can't beleieve this is my life. I feel lost and so alone right now. To be honest, I just want my bloody dad.

Well done chuck it! You are being strong & it will feel horrible for a while. But you've got to be TRUE TO YOURSELF. And absolutely do the best for your child.
"this too shall pass" - keep telling yourself that.

If you're a bully then he will be well rid then. Off he trots.
Probably trying to deflect blame from himself because he has no leg to stand on.

You are a brilliant lioness OP. Keep up the Grrrrrrr. You are an inspiration. Look after yourself. You are absolutely doing the right thing. If he won't step up over this he won't step up over anything. Not illness, bereavement or any of the worst of things that life throws at you. Stay strong. Keep strong. Don't be reduced or browbeaten by him the coasting bastard!

Ranting and bullying makes things easier. You don't want to live with a bully. It sounds as though he needs to learn to be financially responsible and independent.
I'm amazed you've given him all that you have given him. It's not clear what he's given you.
I don't understand what you mean by him working a second jinx.
How come he has been so bad with money for so long?
If the wedding isn't until November cancelling should be relatively easy.
Sort out where you are both going to live (separately) and just agree to meet when handing over your daughter fo a while to give you both a break.
A wedding that you have to mortgage your house for is far too expensive anyway. No one day is that good. Working for several months to pay for 1 day is just silly, especially if it's just you paying for it.

I feel like I've really failed myself.
That I sjlulve known better, because I should of.
All that money- I wouldn't care so much if it was earnt but it was my dads and I've wasted it on this arsehole.
He's such a boy it's embarrassing.

He's only been working a second *job for a few months to contribute to the wedding. I have 4k put aside and have paid lit loads already.
I've lost track.
I assured me he'd pay the remaining 4k.

At least you are facing up to reality now and not wasting any more money on him.

More importantly you are not wasting any more time on him. Start talking to people and stop hiding who this man really is.

Well don't waste a penny more on him. That's a good motivation. I don't suppose you can get anything back from him like the car or wedding money? Or persuade him to give you back 30% of the house to pay you back and get off the mortgage if there is one?
Does he know he might be entitled to it or could you bamboozle him into leaving quietly?

tell your mum the real truth of what's been going on. if you marry him you will always be the one paying for everything for as long as you're together. was the debt payment recorded officially etc? i'm just wondering if there's any way you can recoup some of the money back from him?

He's sending out emails to suppliers!!!!! Saying there was an issue in the family but we've changed our mind and want to go ahead!!!!!!
Am I going mad???

No you arent going mad, stay strong op

I'm now going to have to call 10 suppliers telling them the situation as I'm sure they're all very confused

'spent my entire pregnancy messaging other woman and trying to run back to his ex' and when he realises he is losing his meal ticket he rants, bullies you and then lies about the situation to put pressure on you. He sounds (and I don't say this lightly) like an utter bastard.

Can you call somebody to be with you? I would start telling everyone you know about the cheating btw. Why the hell should he get away with that. You've put up with a lot but enough is enough.

From what you're posting I assume your dad has died? That must have been very hard. If you don't mind me asking what was the timescale involved - had your dad died when you met this man?

Saying there was an issue in the family but we've changed our mind and want to go ahead!!!!!! he's trying to bulldoze you - don't give in to it. tell him straight that the wedding is over. if he had any respect for your feelings he would be discussing this with you not trying to railroad you. seems like all he wants is your money - sorry op

Can you ask him to leave? Give you a bit of space to think and calm down. Don't let him bully you.

Sounds like he's shit scared the cash is going away.

You need to tell friends and family it's off. Don't let him bully you.

He's worried about losing his cash pipeline.

Don't be bullied.

Yes, it sounds like he is trying to railroad you into going ahead with it. It does seem like he is afraid of losing his ATM (you).

You've definitely done the right thing. Don't be bullied, take a deep breath and get rid. Stay strong and tell those you are closest to - you will be surprised how supportive they are.

Well done on a sensible, rational response to your situation OP - it takes real guts, but you are doing the right thing. You may regret the potential loss of £6k wedding expenses, but you would have risked being bled dry and losing half your house if you'd married him. It seems a lot now, but it is by far the better option.

Holy shit. I can see why you're gutted about the money you've lost on this waster, but you have done totally the right thing cancelling the wedding. I mean, there's gas lighting and there's fucking re-booking a wedding you've called off. That is controlling (not to mention WEIRD) behaviour, to say the least. Do NOT be embarrassed; I can't imagine there are many women on MN who haven't made some shitty life choices on the basis of an undeserving prick. The important thing is that he won't be your husband. Be kind to yourself and be strong in the face of his crazy-ass "look into my eyes, look directly into my eyes, not around the eyes, you ARE going to marry me" fuckery. You'll get through this.

You have done the right thing x a million. Get him out of YOUR house and sell YOUR car! Stay strong OP, better times are ahead of you xx