Does anyone know much about limerence or ever experienced it?

[OneOutOneIn]

It's something I've been reading about recently as I suspect I'm experiencing it with a particular evasive ex but I wonder if the truth is just to get a grip?

I did wonder if I could be friends with my LO, I want to be friends with him, to know what is happening in his life. I know the answer is to leave things alone but I can't help wondering…. Unfaithful, liar, manipulative

But you don't like him, so of course there is no chance of you ever being friends. How many of your friends do you consider to be unfaithful, lying manipulators? (I hope the answer is none…?!)

Both of you want to be "friends" (i.e. have contact and keep hope alive) with unfaithful, manipulative liars who had you on you on a sex rota. They have never been your friend and they never will be.

I know you are right laurierf

Like brokenhearted55a there are days when I feel relieved not to have to check my phone all the time, and other days where I feel so low

I just need to keep coming back to this thread to remind myself

Do you mean 'remorse'? Because that would be crazy if so. Someone deliberately strings you along (and admits to that when finally confronted after he's dumped you)… it's not you who should be feeling remorse.

Just venting.
Had a dream about my former LO last night. It's left me feeling disorientated - yet again - this morning.
Six years since I last saw the twunt, and at least 3 since our last contact and I'm still affected by him.

There will be other issues in your life, in your head, that are causing you to have limerence (earlier posts are very worth reading again and again :-)) if you are serious about getting the infatuation under control look to yourself ..get a deeper understanding of what is making you tick ....and you will definitely address the uncontrollable need that you have for this other.

I dreamt about mine for years and years I think I had buried the feelings I had( hurt and rejection mainly ) perhaps if I had allowed myself to.mourn properly and dealt with the pain better at the time I would have moved on .I never spoke about it or shared it properly

I feel remorse. For anything I did or said and for ruining it when he ended it

You feel it was wrong of you not to just take his shitty behaviour like a "good girl" so you could leave the door open for him to come and crap on you again?

Feeling regret for being fooled/used is normal and to be expected at this stage (until you think, ok, it happened, that was a big lesson and I've learnt from it, onwards and upwards). Feeling regret for not exiting with dignity is normal and to be expected to this stage (until you one day reach the stage when you think… ah fuck it, who cares what he thinks?!) Feeling 'remorse'? No. You were not the wrongdoer.

Senada - you have been thinking about this recently though, so it's not surprising that you dreamt of him. Next time it happens, feel the relief that it was just a dream. You are free from a very cruel person who deliberately tried to hurt you. Just like I do whenever I have the exam dream (always a case of me having not done any revision and going into a school exam desperately unprepared and bound to fail and in tears)… I wake up feeling very anxious for a few minutes before it sinks in… Wait… I'm a grown-up… I'm free - I never have to do an exam ever again!! Then I make myself a coffee and work out what it is that's bugging me, as something's up for me to be having that dream.

I'm wondering if what I'm experiencing is close to this "limerence"... Having a vv tough year with DH's major mental illness. Six months ago, a male friend reached out to offer support. We've also had a good laugh, but then started chatting online... Lots of flanter and fun, and me prob making an idiot of myself, but nothing's happened, he is ultimately the sensible one. Tho I also know I don't fancy him! But a Lot of my thoughts are about him, feel like I'm addicted to the attention and admiration. Clearly I was and am vulnerable. I've really tried to reduce contact the last week but last night ended up chatting again.

Hmmm. Low self-esteem - tick. Escapism from stressful life - tick. Massively attracted by someone being nice to me, complimentary, concerned, plus v funny and smart.

Colouring… would you be able to show your messages to friends and family?

Hmmm. Lots Some.

Normally the question would be, could you show your messages to your DH of course but if he's very ill at the moment then… no I'm sure not if you are discussing him…. because that's what the "reaching out to offer support" was all about… right?

I don't fancy him! …. Massively attracted by someone being nice to me, complimentary, concerned, plus v funny and smart

… you mean he's not particularly good looking? Because that means absolutely nothing when you're getting showered with attention in these circumstances…

What was his reaction when you cut back contact?

I hadn't heard of this until today, and I realise I have been suffering from this for the past couple of years (finally coming to the end of it now.)

It started when I was pregnant with my second child. I developed a crush on my work colleague. I obsessed about him whilst I was on maternity leave, and continued to do so when I returned to work.

We are both married, and unavailable. I think we were both going through a rough spell in our marriages (mine due to my husband being distant due to him having work problems.) So I think what has made my limerence worse is at some points he seemed very interested in me, then all of a sudden didn't (coinciding with him trying to make a good go of his marriage.)

I was always trying to get his attention at work, sending him e-mails, inviting him to lunch. I feel so awfully embarrassed about it now.

The rejection I felt, even though nothing could ever have happened really, has affected me in ways I couldn't imagine. I feel sexually undesirable, and my behaviour with regards to food has been affected. I've not been nice to my DH at points. I dream about this person at night, which I really don't want to do but it is beyond my control.

It's finally coming to an end as i don't see him anymore. I'm just so surprised this happened to me as a grown-up, sensible woman.

Laurie he was understanding and reasonable. that didn't stop the obsessive thoughts.

Yes dh not well so no way I'm going near the subject.

Sympathies grapes

Was it you who initiated contact last night colouring?

Thing is, you know you are in the danger zone here… it's completely understandable why and how you got there… but I guess you have to ask yourself, are you looking for some escapism whilst you go through these problems… or are you looking to escape your marriage altogether? Because the answer to that will determine how you go about getting yourself out of this before it's too late...

grapes - don't feel embarrassed. 99% of the time, it takes two to tango… either way, you are not alone - we've all been there. But as has been said many times before, there's something else going on here with you, not least with the way it's affected your self-esteem and behaviour to food. Have you sought any help?

To be honest, I think a lot of it is tied in with my DH, as I have felt rejected by him in the past (he hasn't been the same since some work problems and it's been hard), so I wonder if I've actively sought out this kind of thing. I always have had high self-esteem, and it seems to have taken a battering over the last few years.

grapes sounds like a common scenario. Would you consider getting some counselling…. would your DH?

Broken hearted's story is memorising. I honestly thought I wrote it myself. The similarities are endless.
I have been hooked on this thread since it was created. I never even knew such a word existed.
It has helped massively and I'm seeing things so much clearer with clarity I couldn't imagine.
Thank you all.