Does anyone know much about limerence or ever experienced it?

[OneOutOneIn]

It's something I've been reading about recently as I suspect I'm experiencing it with a particular evasive ex but I wonder if the truth is just to get a grip?

never heard of it before, but omfg - yes! 3 times. absolute agonising abandonment trauma after being dumped
my grandmother who my parents lived with from their marriage helped bring me up. She died when I was 6; everything went pear-shape and my mother became alcoholic and left temporarily when I was 12.
I only started the limerence craziness after she died when I was 25
is limerence always due to abandonment ishoos? sure it is with me
had no idea this was a recognised thing
it's an absolute nightmare

I have experienced this, i didn't know it had a name, i just thought i was "besotted" but really i was so obsessed it was unhealthy. I have been quite stalkerish in the past. Its craziness

OK. Now action time.

This is what we like to see! Your love and attention needs to go inwards to yourself to break your reliance on him - or any other man that you might transfer your limerance to. Make some serious commitments - to exercise/hobbies/job/whatever - anything that gives you reason to move forward, positively engage yourself with society and and lovely people who treat you well, and realise how fab you are just as you are, without needing the validation of your LO. Good luck - it's very very tough and takes serious willpower but can be done!

It is not too late and that's for definite. In fact, I always think by next year the weeping might be over someone else - but that just can't be allowed to happen again, having said that it can help in recovering from the previous one imo and it's not as bad the next time from my own experience. I think we're all more self aware after this thread.

Dating sites are just an option, we know how awful it can be but it can bring some interesting results now and then - as I found out this week! - every little step helps. Hope this makes sense, am very tired

Been there.
Twice.
The last one lasted about 4 years and was dreadful.
It made me mentally and physically ill.
it has since passed.
i hope it never happens to me again.

Broken Do you ever get exhausted from him and all that type of thing?

I have lots of friends who think I am great and funny and kind and love my company

But if you'll believe it, over the last few months I have looked at the positive input from friends and I defined it in terms of my LO. If all these people think I am great, why doesn't he

Despite all the craziness you have displayed (no judgement - that's limerence for you!), do you think he really has no idea that deep down you know this:

he is untrustworthy. He cheats. he lies… He has done a couple of outrageous things that make me think he really lacks integrity or morals

?

You clearly don't think he's great. You don't even think he's a vaguely decent human-being. Sure, he can see that he can toy with you when you are in this state and can get you into bed whenever he likes for a short-term ego boost. But he knows what you really think of him. He knows that you can see him. That's not a true, enduring ego boost. That's not a nice feeling.

I am also in a relationship (getting married to) the person i had the most extreme limerence with. When we met i was absolutely besotted, he properly fucked me off and i was like a woman posessed, he was the only thing i thought about, i was obsessive, if i knew he was going to be somewhere i would show up.

9 months later we got together properly, ive been with him nearly 9 years now.

Heisenberg how lovely to hear of a good outcome from limerance!

Heisenberg - how did he "properly fuck you off"? and why would you marry someone who'd done that? Are you still limerent?

I kind of agree with the comments above, I can really see that if I got together with my LO that once the novelty had worn off and I got to know him properly, I wouldn't want it any more.

broken - I guessed that was the response you'd come back with.

I don't think you need to tell someone exactly what you think of them. It shows even when you're not aware of how you really feel about them. Now you're minimising it to just one thing he did at the end that upset you.

Go back and look at your posts and what you've said. You met him when you were heartbroken over someone else and you didn't even like him when you first met him. This man has a whole host of ishoos. He "won" you over and kept you hooked but you don't make him feel good about himself for a reason…

"Right from date one he brought a test along"

Red flag there straight away; tests are boring.

You don't like him. It's not a fault. I'd say it shows good taste. You need to step out of this cycle of thinking about why he's rejecting you and realise you've been rejecting him along. You've been caught up in a power chase here, as much as he has. Step out. You're just not that into him. For good reason.

I've just read this entire thread with my jaw on the floor, I had never heard of limerice and when I saw the thread in Active last week, I assumed it was a town in Italy or something. I'm not being flippant, I didn't know such a thing existed.
I am so sorry you are living with this. I've had intense crushes before but never knew people could be swallowed up by it. It makes me terribly sad for you but very glad you've been able to open up on this thread.
It must be helpful to be able to talk about it with others who understand.
I have certainly been educated.
for all of you.

SelfLoathing would you agree that they dont care?

brokenhearted - depends what you mean by "they".

I think both you and I had a LO who was either suffering from Narcissistic personality disorder or strong narc traits. If by "they" you mean a person w NPD, then yes of course they don't care about their partner. They care about how they feel themselves, whether their partner supports their grandioise idea of themselves etc etc. But the partner is like a television. If it stops working, chuck it out and get a new one - you don't "care " about the television.

If your question means LO in general, then I'm sure there are lots of LO who aren't narcissists and some of them probably care about hurting people, but I don't think you can generalise about LOs as a class - because they will vary a lot.