Either I'm overreacting or he's a shit parent

[MagersfonteinLugg]

Have just spent the last 30 mins cleaning DS2bedroom after he threw up all over the floor, bed, toys etc.
He's been off it all day so not a complete surprise. What did shock me however was DH's reaction. He was in bed watching TV. Threw the door open and said "do you really have to make so much noise!" Then slammed the door shut.
Surely any reasonably caring parent would have offered to help or at least console their child whilst I cleaned?
Or would all darling husbands react like that?
Am really growing to despise this arse with a passion.

[MagersfonteinLugg]

Yes he is biological father....unfortunately.
Got up this morning, the smell of sick hit me immediately. DS downstairs in the den asleep, bedroom covered so asked DH when he'd been sick again.
"About an hour ago" he replies. "Why didn't you wake me up?" I demanded.
Anyway have spent all morning throwing rugs, duvets, pillows etc into the skip as unsalvageable. Can't seem to get rid of the smell but doesn't seem to bother DH who has spent all morning watching TV and eating porridge
And to cap it all he told me the kids goldfish had died in the night and had left it floating in the fishbowl. Why did he not dispose of it in case the DCs saw it? I am seething and cannot bring myself to be in the same room ATM as am full of disdain.
Am off to buy new bedding now.

[aladyofindeterminateage]

He sounds absolutely vile.

[pocketsaviour]

Your latest update actually makes it sound like he is deliberately goading you into finishing the relationship.

It's quite obvious he is not interested in family life at all.

[FlumptyDumpty]

Do you ask him why he has failed to look after his sick son, clear up the vomit and deal with the dead goldfish? Or are you scared of him as well?

[Spog]

he sounds like a douche.
would you consider ending your marriage?
TBH it doesn't sound like things are ever going to improve.

[Fairy13]

Massive abusive arsehole. Sounds identical to my ex, who was, is, a shit father and husband and person.

LTB. Your children rely on you to protect them.

[nbee84]

Why didn't you wake me up should have been "why didn't you clear up the sick" !!!

[TRexingInAsda]

Shit husband, shit dad. Beyond shit in fact. Meanwhile, your son is learning that this is normal behaviour and his future marriage will be based on the behaviour he witnesses in yours. Not sure why you are subjecting yourself and your son to it tbh. :(

[FannyFifer]

Wtf, he didn't even clean up the puke?
Why are you living like this.

[minkGrundy]

OP he is a arse.
If you wanted to leave him or for him to leave, could you?
He isn't helping out and he sounds like a burden. You would be better off without him and your son would be happier.

[Allgunsblazing]

Why are you doing this to your children? Throw the idiot out.
FYI, a normal behaviour would be: I'll take him to the shower whilst you clean.
I tend to deal with DD when she's been sick as it's frightening her, DH is on stand by behind me and brings me whatever I need for her. Then he holds her while I clean, I put the washing on, then I take her and he changes the beds. Christ, never thought of it till this day! To shut the door on a poorly child wound mean having all the crockery smashed in his head.

[minkGrundy]

Why are you doing this to your children?

Can we not start this please. They are his children. He is doing this to his children.

OP. Someone who does this to children and to his partner is not a nice person, nor a good father or partner.
You don't have to stay with him. You owe him nothing.

[cookiemonster100]

Well said mink

[MagersfonteinLugg]

No I can't say in other ways he's a great dad and the DCs adore him because its simply not true.
I have absolutely no idea why I'm here as every time I see him I seem to despise him more and more.
In the process of moving house ATM so an considering putting all mine and DCs stuff in my mums place to save unpacking at his new house.

[MrsEvadneCake]

Please don't move to the new house with him. He's abusuve and you all deserve to be away from this.

[MagersfonteinLugg]

It's not that he's physically abusive or even very shouty abusive. It's the bloody indifference to his DCs feelings that pisses me off the most. The fact that his child is sick and all he can do is sit eating porridge and watching TV. I mean WTAF!!!!!!!

[annandale]

How old is your child?

I don't quite get how you split the work between you. It sounds like your dh has completely checked out of whatever setup you thought you had.

I am trying to see how this could be salvaged as I don't like being a complete stranger saying anyone should break up their relationship, and everyone has bad days.

If you would like to stay together and make things better, I think you both have to start from scratch, lay your cards on the table and renegotiate everything. But if he is starting from this point of really not seeming to care for your child, at the very least a trial separation sounds like the best option for your son.

[pocketsaviour]

You are right to be angry. He is treating you and the kids appallingly.

If you have the option to move out elsewhere, please take it.

[TheImprobableGirl]

......... I think know that he is a shit parent. However I believe that staying in this relationship allowing your ds to be scared and bullied by your 'd' h would also equate to shit parenting by yourself. Please do your best for this poor lad

[heartfeltnovice]

*It's not that he's physically abusive or even very shouty *abusive.

It sounds like he is emotionally abusive which is just as damaging to you and DC. Why does he leave your son in a pile of sick all morning? Sounds like neglect. You also did mention shouting at your DS up thread. OP read up on abuse and speak to someone in RL about his behaviour. If you even suspect something at this stage you will later realise it was much worse than you thought.

You and your DC deserve safe emotionally safe and happy lives. Good luck.

[trackrBird]

Don't move with him.

Get yourself and your DS away now, to your mum's house, if you have that option.

Someone who displays that level of selfish callousness should not be in a relationship, especially not one where a child is involved.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

You need to get out love.

[Starlightbright1]

Is this his normal behaviour? I am certainly not condoning his behaviour but is he depressed?

Is it a rented house?

Whether depressed or not it is not acceptable and certainly not someone I would want my child around

[Nanny0gg]

In the process of moving house ATM so an considering putting all mine and DCs stuff in my mums place to save unpacking at his new house

Why is it his house?