I'm over thinking but I need to respond to this text

[AdventureBe]

I came close to having an EA with a colleague many years ago. We realised a bit belatedly that we were closer than our OH's would be happy with and cut contact right back. His DW particularly was a bit suspicious, probably rightly so.

We don't work together now and only see each other during the football season, never alone. I still count him as a good friend and will occasionally text with news in between times, but always one off short messages, never long ping pong conversations (anymore). i.e yippee I got the job or DS1 was picked for the team.

When writing my messages I check with myself that there's nothing he couldn't show his wife, which shouldn't be necessary but it once was.

Anyway he's text today to wish me a Happy Birthday. Quite a long gushy message but nothing overly personal. My automatic response is to text back "X" and leave it at that. A bit friendlier than a curt "thanks" but doesn't start a conversation.

But what would his wife think if she saw a text message that is a single X, from a old suspected OW?

I can't not respond. He'd worry that I was dead and that wouldn't be fair.

Just say thank you.

Would you like it if your DH received a text with 'x' on it?

Just text back thanks or cheers.

Don't send a kiss!

Thank you

He'd worry you were dead? Really? Come on ....

Why would you text 'X'?

Just reply 'thanks'.

And you're a lot deeper into things with him if a lack of response to birthday wishes would have him demanding answers/thinking you were dead

Why is your automatic response to just send a kiss? Do you do that to a lot of people?

Sending a kiss isn't appropriate, but you already know that.

Yes Repeat, that's what I send to friends when I want to say thanks that was a nice thing to do/say

I don't routinely put them at the end of texts though and never to him.

I think you are both still mired in the emotional affair and, really, you should cut contact. Of course you can not answer. You just don't want to.

I don't see what wrong with just texting 'Thank you'?

What a waste of a text. You're not charged per character these days you know.

Text thanks then say what you are doing for your birthday with YOUR other half.

How about 'Thanks! I'm having a lovely day with [names of DH and DCs]'

Edit. Frankly anything other than just "x"

You're right when you say you are overthinking this. Text him to say thank you and leave it at that.

Okay. It seems a bit weird to me, it essentially ends the conversation. Anyway, it's obviously not appropriate here if you wouldn't usually send kisses, and a kiss on its own is quite suggestive.

I think you'd risk him thinking that you are after more.

Oh absolutely the dynamic between us isn't quite right but it is manageable now. There's no threat to either of our relationships.

I haven't heard from or seen him since the end of April. Yes, if I don't reply he'll wonder what's up. That's the same for most of my friends.

Ok - delete his number. Or rather - reply and say thanks then delete his number. You are keeping this going. You can't justify it by saying you're only doing what you'd do for a friend - because you're not friend. Cut the rope - it's not worth it

He won't think you are dead. Really.

How about not responding and just enjoying your birthday. Then answer later after you have had the day with your husband.

Just reply, thanks!

There's no threat to either of our relationships.

In your eyes or your DHs? I think AuntieStella has it about right.

Do the right thing.

Text thank you. And delete/block his number and have no more contact at all.

How about thanks and a smiley face as opposed to a X? Neutral