I'm over thinking but I need to respond to this text

[AdventureBe]

I came close to having an EA with a colleague many years ago. We realised a bit belatedly that we were closer than our OH's would be happy with and cut contact right back. His DW particularly was a bit suspicious, probably rightly so.

We don't work together now and only see each other during the football season, never alone. I still count him as a good friend and will occasionally text with news in between times, but always one off short messages, never long ping pong conversations (anymore). i.e yippee I got the job or DS1 was picked for the team.

When writing my messages I check with myself that there's nothing he couldn't show his wife, which shouldn't be necessary but it once was.

Anyway he's text today to wish me a Happy Birthday. Quite a long gushy message but nothing overly personal. My automatic response is to text back "X" and leave it at that. A bit friendlier than a curt "thanks" but doesn't start a conversation.

But what would his wife think if she saw a text message that is a single X, from a old suspected OW?

I can't not respond. He'd worry that I was dead and that wouldn't be fair.

You have known him for years, you were/are very close, you are friends and now just friendly, and yet you are anxious and overthinking such a simple thing? Geez do you have difficulty with menus, travel plans, questions requiring a simple yes/no, choosing cheese in the deli? Really, so silly, just say Thank you. And then turn your mind to thinking about the situation overall and work out why you are so bothered about it all.

Thanks with a smiley face but no kisses

Why don't you want to just text "Thanks"?

You are keeping in your life as back up to your current situation. Until you admit that to yourself you will be analysising every single text, like we all did when we were love lorn.

'Cheers'

Go ask your partner what you should text back. Or give his wife a call and ask what she thinks.

Who cares if he thinks your dead? Why are you bothered about this? Honestly - why does he still have any space in your head?

There is very much a sense of clinging to a bit of drama here.

How on earth is this an issue for anyone with more than one brain cell?!

Yes, you text 'x' to your FRIENDS, because that is the way you are with your friends. This guy isn't a friend, whether you should be in touch with him at all is another issue, but how you reply to him thanking him for his birthday wishes but not giving the 'wrong impression' is a no brainer.

You write:

'Cheers for the birthday wishes! Having a great day'

or

'Thanks!'

or

'Cheers!'

or

'Ta for the text! Having a brilliant birthday, me DH and DC went to XX, great fun'.

or any one of a hundred other really really REALLY obviously non-loaded, non-potentially-flirty type of replies.

You know this.

Why are you still in touch?

Sorry - I agree with the others, this all sounds like you're still over-invested in your relationship with this man.

All you need to reply is 'thanks!'

And that's it.

Reply thanks, dh bought me a xxxx < that's to signify the present, not kisses.

Just leave this married man alone

Well you certainly are hanging on in there aren't you?

The fact that you are asking whether the "X" is appropriate, well you know its not or you wouldn't be asking, a simple "Thanks" would have done.

This isn't as over as you have lead yourself to believe, I doubt very much he would think you were dead for not responding if you haven't seen or spoken to him since April. Maybe you should let go and move on

Such drama!

He sent you a "gushing" bday message?

Why??

What's wrong with a "curt" thanks?

Or better still ignore so that he gets the message?

You weren't close to an EA, you were having an EA. If either of you wanted to save your marriages, you'd cut contact.

I'd have to agree with everyone else. You are giving this man far too much headspace. You should be off enjoying your birthday with your family not agonising over your response to a simple happy birthday.

The fact that you are speaks volumes.

'He'd worry that I'm dead and that wouldn't be fair'
The drama
Sounds like a line from 'Days of our lives'.

I'd assume that the person was busy enjoying their birthday with their family. Or that their battery was flat.

'Oh my god thank god you responded. I thought you were dead. Gush gush'.

Just text 'thanks'

Not at all difficult. You are over thinking.

Send the X but not by text, get an unobtrusive red rose and someone who does especially friendly calligraphy can attach a note (the X) - you can deliver it to his work tomorrow morning with some doves. Gruff doves though, not romantic ones.

Agree just "thanks for the birthday wishes!" or just "Thanks!"

If you are going to bump into each other and can't practically cut contact without giving up a hobby, then keep it friendly and polite, but not overly so.

"Thanks!" would be fine to send to say, the DH of a friend who'd sent you a "happy birthday!" message.

Send a reply, stop giving him and his DW your headspace.

He'd think you were dead?!

Bollocks. You just want to have a reason to text him back. Concentrate on your own husband and enjoying your birthday.