I'm over thinking but I need to respond to this text

[AdventureBe]

I came close to having an EA with a colleague many years ago. We realised a bit belatedly that we were closer than our OH's would be happy with and cut contact right back. His DW particularly was a bit suspicious, probably rightly so.

We don't work together now and only see each other during the football season, never alone. I still count him as a good friend and will occasionally text with news in between times, but always one off short messages, never long ping pong conversations (anymore). i.e yippee I got the job or DS1 was picked for the team.

When writing my messages I check with myself that there's nothing he couldn't show his wife, which shouldn't be necessary but it once was.

Anyway he's text today to wish me a Happy Birthday. Quite a long gushy message but nothing overly personal. My automatic response is to text back "X" and leave it at that. A bit friendlier than a curt "thanks" but doesn't start a conversation.

But what would his wife think if she saw a text message that is a single X, from a old suspected OW?

I can't not respond. He'd worry that I was dead and that wouldn't be fair.

[NerrSnerr]

If you're thinking this much about the text then you are too over invested in this man. I agree with the others, text 'thanks' then block and delete his number.

Enjoy your birthday with your family instead of thinking about another man.

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

One of my friends replies to messages with a wink face instead of "thanks" but we're both happy in our relationships and would never feel the need to hide or have to twist any message. I get the impression you quite like his wife being suspicious of it all. Just cut ties with him

[DirtyBlonde]

"There's no threat to either of our relationships."

Then you can show the message, and your reply, to your DH.

Don't think your DH would like it? Then stop deluding yourself that this isn't a threat.

[nequidnimis]

He's a cheeky bastard for sending you a gushing message in the first place, bet his wife wouldn't be pleased.

You're just both keeping the secretive, flirty relationship alive - like you're Romeo and Juliet, in tortured love but just can't be together because of circumstances, whilst congratulating yourselves on your superior morality and willpower by being able to step back from the brink.

There's nothing special about it, it's just sordid. Invest your energy in your husband.

[ladygracie]

I really don't think you need to reply at all. Do people really expect a response to happy birthday texts? I never expect one. I feel sure he wouldn't think you are dead. That's a bit of a weird thing to say.
And obviously you're overthinking it but you know that.

[arsenaltilidie]

You think your EMOTIONAL affair is over.
Maybe don't reply

[FolkGirl]

Thanks amd a smiley face or better still nothing given that an EA still makes you an ow.

You're concerned about how it would look to his wife? How cconsiderate of you

He won't think you're dead. He'll think you've finally moved on. Which you should jave. And that will be it.

[Wideopenspace]

I really, really want a gruff dove. Really.

Put yourself in his wife's position - what would you think if your husband received a single kiss from someone you suspected he had been involved with?

It is perhaps the least appropriate way to respond.

[Fearless91]

Personally I don't see why you're still in contact with him.

You're worried that sending an 'x' would be unfair for his wife, yet you see nothing wrong with texting him even though you once had an EA.

Surely you should be thinking that texting him full stop is unfair on his wife not just an 'x'.

There's a reason you're still texting him and telling him any updated news. If it was just a friend it wouldn't be an issue, but out of respect for his poor wife (who became suspicious of you both) stop contacting him!

[Floggingmolly]

I suspect any drama inherent in this whole muddle is totally down to you... You want to reply with a "x", at the same time as worrying what his wife will think should she see it . You must respond; or he'll think you're dead...
Ffs block his number; it'll be the best thing you could do for both him and his wife.

[winkywinkola]

Stop being creeps, the pair of you and cut all contact.

[BreadmakerFan]

Reply right now with thanks then we can all listen to make sure it isn't our husband you are obsessing over . Grow up OP.

[PuppyMonkey]

I wonder what his original message to op said and what his wife would think of THAT if she saw it - never mind op's X reply.

[FenellaFellorick]

If it is vital to you to maintain some sort of contact, then 'thanks' would be a more appropriate response than the symbol for kiss, given that you were inappropriately attached to this man at one point and it caused unhappiness/unease/distress to his wife.

[rockybalboa]

Why can't you just say thank you and maybe add a smiley face so it doesn't look curt.

[Smellyoulateralligator]

Just leave it as you aren't really friends at all. Why is he still texting you at all.
The sensible and right thing to do is just stop contact completely

[spad]

IMHO you should cut contact with him.

[dangerrabbit]

Did you reply?

[Hissy]

So... Your tasking for permission to gush back?

Pathetic! The pair of you!

Text thanks, and leave it at that.

Stop the chit chat.

[FuturePerfect]

He is just being an opportunistic arse, looking for an ego boost.

He already knows you are weak and respond to this shit. He pushes boundaries and pretends all is normal ('We're friends') and you respond.

Have some self respect - you're better than this crap.

[Blarblarblar]

If my DH was this concerned about how to reply to txt I'd be heartbroken. You clearly care far to much.
Cut contact, walk away. It's sneaky and nasty to your partners.

[butterfly133]

he won't think you're dead! Good grief.

Just ignore it and get on with your day. Otherwise you're still having an EA.

[RobinandRowena]

Look OP.
You are obviously destined to be together. It is written in the stars. So leave your respective spouses and sail off into the sunset together. You will live happily ever after.

[TokenGinger]

Definitely don't send a "X".

If I've sent DP a message or vice versa and we don't have much to respond other than to acknowledge we have the message, or if we haven't spoken throughout the day, we send a "X" to each other. That's actually very personal for me. I would be pissed off if I saw another woman just text him single kisses.

[BreadmakerFan]

I don't think she is better than "that." Maybe the OP is 16 and just immature rather than pathetic.