Does being a SAHM cause problems?

[airhostess]

Hi,
I'm lucky. I'm told " I'm lucky and I don't realise how lucky I am".
I look after our two children, home etc but I don't think I will ever have his respect until I earn my own money.
Anyone else in the same shoes?!

*supermum

Why are you telling OP to marry a guy who's such an arse?!*

Maybe because the OP has already made the far greater personal commitment of having 2 children with this man. And since she hasn't given any indication that she wants to leave him/abandon the relationship, then marrying him will help with her incredibly precarious financial position.

I suggested the OP marry because reading through her posts I don't think her H is that different to the men who struggle to adjust their expectations after they start a family. If he can't adjust I don't see their relationship lasting and marriage would give her some protections to him having to support her if their relationship didn't work out that she doesn't enjoy right now.

It's also him ensuring his DC are cared for. Under 18s can't inherit so it sits in trust until they come of age. If over the IHT threshold it will be heavily taxed. If married it's not an issue and more funds are available for the dC as IHT doesn't apply.

I am finding there is very little protection married or not tbh.
Want half his pension you have to pay £3,000 upfront to get it split.
Want maintenance that'll be £5,000 and very difficult to enforce.
He needs a house too so that a 50/50 split even though you need 4 beds to stop the DC killing each other and he doesn't because he never has them over night. Justice is for those who can afford it, marriage doesn't come into it. Get back to work to ensure you can be treated fairly if the time comes.

Every time I hear about these 18-hour days of multitasking that SAHMs claim to do, I always go back and view this Mumsnet post:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1671992-To-ask-what-SAHM-s-with-kids-at-school-do-with-their-days?pg=1

What do you do all day?

"Too much MN and not enough laundry"
"Sleep. A lot."
"When I was a SAHM with one kid at school I did as little as possible. It was bloody lovely!"
"A bit of me time - bath, book, TV, a run, mumsnet"
"I do whatever I like, when I like. Sometimes this includes housework. Sometimes it just means twiddling my hair."
"I do lot of vague wafting. I MN, walk the dog, muck out the horse, food shop, cook, read the paper, do the crossword, visit my father, lunch with friends. I work part time but I am taking voluntary redundancy so I will have even more wafting time. Hurrah!"

Busted.

Doesn't sound quite as hard as busting your balls for at least 12 hours a day, five or six days a week, does it?

oneremjnder as I said upthread this is SAHM's to school aged children which I imagine are the minority of SAHM's. Bit different with toddlers/babies.

well, that wasn't my experience, but it depends how many kids, how big the house,(& whether you have a cleaner, or don't give a fig about your home) How many animals, whether you live 20 minutes from schools & have to pick & drop off morning, lunch & evening, at different schools, what sports/music other activities, elderly MIL calling for help... my mornings started at 6 am, & finished around 10 pm.....OH went to work & finished work at 5pm (Mon - Fri).....however bringing the wage home meant he had done enough ...
I went back to work, to be on an equal standing, to be able to converse with thinking adults, use my education my mind & no longer be un thanked skivvy
Then I discovered that he did actually notice what I was no longer doing. & had to pitch in (minimal)

busting your balls are you onereminder? Why does that not surprise me?

PoppyField

On the ball!

Both of them Atenco.I thank you.

Ah onereminder, no sense of context or irony or humour.

That job you bust your balls at - it does not require imagination or common sense I hope. Or any joy or humour whatsoever.

Whatever you do you should change it. You don't sound happy.

to the previous 3 posters ! Avé !

I'm a sahm. I have my husbands' respect and support. We've been together for about 20 years and his integrity has made everything possible. He is fully supportive of my role in the family. When he is at home he cooks, irons etc. I'm not the family servant because I don't have paid employment. Sometimes, when I express concern about our stretched finances he says "we made a choice and it has been the right choice for us. Just look at how happy the girls are". My daughters have a father who models being a real man to them. I hope that will help them in choosing future partners and in not being attracted to a person who wants/needs to belittle them.
Your partner is a father. He made a choice to become so. He needs to talk to you as an equal about how you both want to parent your children. He shouldn't instruct you as to how it should be - he has 2 children, not 3. Strengthen your position re. legal entitlements etc. find out where you stand. Protect yourself. Don't have another child until you have a partner who is sharing the burden with you and supporting you.

^^ that ^^