I am 40 years old. My wife is 8 years younger. We have a four year old and a two year old. Since my wife fell pregnant the first time, we have had sex about eight times (mostly when she, very occasionally, gets drunk). We have had absolutely no other intimacy – kissing, cuddling, anything. This isn’t by any stretch my doing. I love my wife and find her very attractive. But she simply is not interested at all in me, physically. I know what you will say – talk to her about it! I have tried. But she clearly feels uncomfortable talking about sex or intimacy and the closest thing I’ve got is “you don’t you appreciate that I’ve just had two children” with a look to say “you selfish pig, how can you expect me to have any interest in you when I’m so busy with the work/children”. Well, yes, of course I appreciate that, but I don’t see why there should be a complete embargo and for so long. It is destroying our marriage and I just cannot get it out of my mind. She says that I am a good father and I have a great relationship with the boys, but, I have to say, in fairness, she has done more of the heavy lifting with our second child than me. But I am starting to think she simply doesn’t want me in that way (she is objectively more attractive than me) and I find that very upsetting. But then I think back that when we got married, it took two weeks to consummate the marriage, so why am I surprised now? Further that, even now, when we rarely do have sex (and only the most vanilla of activity is allowed (for example, she won’t even allow snogging!)) I just know that she wants it over as quickly as is decent. In fact, now I think about it, she has never, not once, in at least the last eight years, instigated sex or any form of intimacy and I always have to do the running. I am now thinking enough is enough. But I could really do with a second opinion. Am I being selfish? Isn't this madness? What do I do? Help!