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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Husband on dating website

125 replies

Namechange41 · 26/05/2015 15:40

I feel such an idiot. We been together 16 years and I have no reason to think he's actually cheated (I've been through his phone, FB and email) but there he was on a dating site. He says he's sorry and he shouldn't have done it but I can seem to move on. Any advice please, especially if you've been there.

OP posts:

Report

Only1scoop · 26/05/2015 23:44

Also Op....these are only the email accounts that you are aware of.

Namechange41 · 26/05/2015 23:44

To be honest I keep changing my mind AF.If I had any suspicion that he had met up with someone I would be acting differently. I know he does not have an OW- it is remotely possible that he is meeting various women but I don't think he's sly enough to try that. But I do know that his reaction will be very telling.

OP posts:

Namechange41 · 26/05/2015 23:48

Depressingly you are probably right. There likely to be other email addresses and yes I don't want to know how far it has really gone, it hurts so much, we have been so good together these last few years I don't want to lose that

OP posts:

PannaDoll · 26/05/2015 23:49

So his willingness to meet up with another woman is not problematic for you? It would be for me. Possibly tge only reason he hasn't hooked up with someone yet is that he hadn't found someone to agree to it.

You are definitely minimising but it's up to you what you choose to live with.

Sorry this happening to you x

Namechange41 · 26/05/2015 23:53

I guess at this point I do find it much easier to believe he wanted to explore sexting rather than meeting. I'm so sorry I'm having such a hard time thinking my very happy marriage is a lie

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 26/05/2015 23:55

Burying your head in the sand and accidentally on purpose sabotaging your chances to find out the truth will only hurt you further in the end, love.

I do think that in these situations, knowledge is power. Not knowing makes you weak and diminishes you in his eyes. Even worse, that he realises you have some suspicions but are willing to brush it under the carpet which would pretty much give him the green light to carry on the dodgy behaviour.

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 26/05/2015 23:55

For the last 3 months he's been working away Mon to Fri

I know he does not have an OW

Name, he works away Mon to Fri, why do you say you know he does not have an OW? I'm confused? How would you know?

AnyFucker · 26/05/2015 23:56

is sexting ok in your marriage ? It wouldn't be ok in mine. I don't expect that anyone else should be involved in the sexual relationship I have with my husband.

textfan · 26/05/2015 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Only1scoop · 26/05/2015 23:59

Did you have a response to your text Op?

Is he home on Friday?

Sorry you are going through this. It's horrible.... I have vague recollections of a similar find and I never got over it. I hate liars.

JoanHickson · 27/05/2015 00:01

You would be amazed at who is on hookup sites. I searched some people's emails I had suspicions on and there they were.

Namechange41 · 27/05/2015 00:02

No sexting would not be ok but I could forgive. I can'tsay what he does in case it outs me but his working hours are recorded and I have seen them, so I know they are v long and he is at random locations overnight. He doesn't know I can draw the picture code on his phone and I've been through that, nothing suspicious there. I guess I know he doesn't have an OW because I just can't contemplate being wrong. God this is shit.

OP posts:

Namechange41 · 27/05/2015 00:05

I'm not sure if he'll be back on Friday or Saturday this week - as of next week he'll be coming home every night again. I'm not expecting a reply to my text till the morning, he's up at 5am so his phone will be off now.

OP posts:

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 27/05/2015 00:06

He doesn't know I can draw the picture code on his phone and I've been through that, nothing suspicious there.

So you previously had reason to snoop?

Namechange41 · 27/05/2015 00:08

No I looked after he went to bed on the dau it all came out.

OP posts:

Namechange41 · 27/05/2015 00:09

*day

OP posts:

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 27/05/2015 00:10

Oh ok. So you found no further evidence.

So what are you going to do?

Namechange41 · 27/05/2015 00:16

I really don't know. I want to talk to him butI don'tthink I can believe anything he says so what is the point? But neither can I deprive our lovely dcs of their father because he's a shit to me

OP posts:

MilesHuntsWig · 27/05/2015 00:16

Wow that's crap. Irrespective of what you find can you carry on with this lack of trust? I am so sorry you're going through this and I hope you get to the truth.

Namechange41 · 27/05/2015 00:19

Thanks for the comments and support. I know that I'm trying to minimse this and thank you all for not letting me. I'm knackered, I'm going to try and sleep. I'll be in touch when I've heard back from him.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/05/2015 00:23

He can still be a good father if you decide you don't need to tolerate being made a fool of

how would you "deprive" your dc of anything ?

unless you think he would fuck off and have nothing more to do with his kids if you called time ?

Smooshface · 27/05/2015 00:23

They will still see him in access, but do you want to spend your life with him like this? You are a person too, and your children wouldn't want you to be unhappy.

No one wants their life to change. It's hard and scary. But you only get one life, don't get to old age regretting taking the easy road if it isn't going to make you happy.

I am not sure I could forgive this. With him working away, how will he ever regain your trust again?

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AnyFucker · 27/05/2015 00:24

I find it so sad that you simply expect him to lie so see no point in confronting him. What kind of partnership is that ? Not a good example to your children, for sure.

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 27/05/2015 00:29

Name it's very easy for me to give advice, I'm not living your nightmare....it's just that there are just so many holes in his supposed version of events!

He REGISTERED on a dating website. So it is premeditated, i.e. intentionally, no one "accidentally" registers to anything with their pic!
He works away Mon - Fri: There is 24 hours to the day, it would be impossible for you to be able to account for all 24 hours of his days whilst working away. IT data can be easily manipulated to fit into whatever timeline he wanted you to believe.
He's not being honest with you.
Why switch off his phone? When I work away from home I ALWAYS leave my phone on, in case of emergencies at home so that my family can reach me. (I'd guess he switches it off and hides it from the OW)

Just my thoughts..........

Noneedtoworryatall · 27/05/2015 00:32

Op I found my husband on fifteen of these websites. Some profiles had his face pics on so no other proof needed.

Sickening.

I couldn't live with the constant torment.

Flip

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